Week 11 Summary - Upsets, Somethings Never Change, Detox Fail, Close But No Cigar, Play-off Picture Getting Cloudy

Games this week fell into 1 of 2 categories: Half the games were a blow out and half were a squeaker. This week also saw upsets, the continuation of an ugly trend, inept ownership with flimsy excuses, coming up short (3 times), anda general clouding of the play-off picture.

Outcomes hung in the balance last night as Lance, Jeff, and Tim played the sitting duck roles as their opponents (Devo, Harris, and Kevin) all hoped to generate enough points on MNF to overcome deficits and claim victory. This week's summary has a special section devoted to the struggle.

Average score hardly budged again this week, coming in at 94.7 pts to last week's 94.4 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 18.5 pts from last week's 28.4 pts as three games were decided by less than 5 points. Upsets galore as your beloved Commissioner toppled the 3-headed monster by over 30 points, Gregor handed Madge a solid beating and his 2nd loss in a row, and Hauser romped all over Mike D. (more on this later), Lance took out Devo, and Kevin (despite his abundance of check marks and projected points) fell to Timbo.

Performer of The Week:

Tim Ashby, 127.9 points. Strong play as of late with a number of trades to re-make his team into a contender. New territory for Tim.

Honourable Mention to Kevin Andrachuk, 123.5 pts and a spot on the suicide watch list as this was his 10th loss in a row.

Details of the match-up, courtesy of an un-named source:
A Poignant Prison Drama. Kev needed 48 points to win after sunday and
get parole, and I was out of players. Between schaub and johnson last
night he almost caught me. But instead, he is 1 and 10, and his mouth
is being relentlessly sold for cigarettes and glasses of prune
brandy-ahol.

Senorita Of The Week:

Mike D., 65.4 points. And it didn't have to play out this way. All you had to do was start somebody, ANYBODY, in your flex position. Hmmm....the busy excuse simply doesn't cut it. Sure, the prospect of impending fatherhood, a red hot Toronto real estate market, and a high-powered substance abuse problem all take time. But the fact that you don't care enough to even fill out your roster...that's what hurts the most. In case you were wondering, Mike D. left 75.7 points on his bench. The line-up he started put up 65.4 points. (I shake my head in judgement and disapproval).

The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:

Lance vs. Devo - decided by 3.2 pts. This was some 905-birther on 905-birther crime as two of the Hamilton Region's powerful families faced off in a battle for the hearts and minds of Tim Horton's patrons on every corner. Lance's victory also kept Devo from first place by himself. And Devo's loss revealed a number of chinks in his armor that this commissioner has been talking about all season.

Alls vs. Harris - decided by 3.5 pts. Harris really thought he had a chance of reaching his goal of finishing mid-pack. So naive. So wrong.
Last night's text from Harris:
Jamie Harris 11:44PM: Grrrrrr
Ja​mie Harris 11:45PM: I needed less than 4 damn points
Ja​mie Harris 11:47PM: Let me help you out...Jamal Lewis got 10 points on my bench....as it was, Ladell Betts got injured early in the game and gave me 0 points at RB

Ashby vs. Kevin - decided by 4.4 pts. Kevin's theory is that whoever he plays has their best week against him and the data certainly points to it as Kevin has had over 100 more points scored against him than anybody else in the league. 3 teams look forward to playing your team soon, Kevin.


8-3 Club:

The windows on the club are all steamed up due to the man-mass that has been packed into the small room of the elite. 4 bodies (Madge, Devo, Gregor, and Hauser) occupy the cozy club chairs that were once pristine, but now heavily soiled. In line behind the velvet rope, in the cold, looking in stands Jeff Alls. Lance Richter is lurking in the parking lot, not sure if he wants to stand in line or just sell a few dime bags and call it a night. Ashby and Fusco are walking the 3-headed monster and might not being going to the party...but who knows.


The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

It may not have changed the result, but when Mike D. leaves Terrell Owens and his 28 points on the bench, something has to be said. Especially when he doesn't bother to set his line-up. And because he is a Cards fan.

There are about 50 other combinations of players that could have changed the outcomes of the three really close games, but that's a significant amount of typing. They know the many, many way they could have won...



State of the League:

3 weeks left and the play-off picture is cloudy as 9 of 12 teams are still mathematically in it and the head-to-head format leaves it wide open. And for those that don't make it to the top 4, there is the consolation play-off bracket. Sweet, sweet consolation bracket...


Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land

Week 10 Summary - Adventures In Burlington, Upsets, & Blow-outs

Another weekend, another birthday. Assuming Madge stayed in his native 905, at least half the league was in the suburbs Saturday night, as 4 brave souls ventured West seeking adventure, friendship, and mini-burgers. The suburbs are a strange place. The car ride allowed us to learn far more about one of our fellow owners than anyone would have imagined. Lance's birthday party saw an interesting mix of characters and common wisdom suggests that the 905ers were just as afraid of the 416ers as we were of them. Conversation included Kevin's bold prediction that despite having all the check marks in his favour, he would lose to Harris. The party also proved a great opportunity to unveil Lance's ultimate man cave. Thumbs-up.

Average score hardly budged as it came in at 94.4 this week compared to last week's 94.6 pts. The average margin of victory hardly changed either as this week's 28.4 pts was down just a bit from last week's 29.7 pts. The closest game being the Hauser/Gregor match decided by 12.3 pts thanks to a strong Baltimore D/ST performance on MNF. The least closest game would have been the 60+ point blow-out perpetrated on your beloved commissioner by Jeff Alls. I don't want to talk about it.

Performer of The Week:

Lance Richter put up a solid 124.7 to take the award this week. More importantly, Lance was the first to jump on Madge's fading performances of late and the first one to hand him a loss since week 1. I have enjoyed this episode of Burlingtoner-on-Burlingtoner crime.

Senorita Of The Week:

Fusco, 61 pts. In what can only be some sort of Karmic payback for my comments to Jeff in this section last week, I put on the dress and took it. Another concussion for Westbrook (Trading with Ashby was like buying a coffin and some nails), a bruised lung for Jones, and a whole bunch of crap from the rest of my team make your commissioner a very sad man.

8-2 Club:

Ruh-roh. Devo and Madge sitting in a tree....

But in the line-up outside, behind the velvet rope stand Hauser and Gregor. I wonder if the bouncer will let them in.


The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

No award again this week as no bench player could have swayed any of the outcomes.

State of the League:

I woke this morning thinking the Hauser victory was a heartbreak for a number of teams vying for that final playoff spot, but since his victory was over Gregor, I now think it may have actually opened things up a bit. With 4 weeks to play, 9 teams remain (mathematically) in the hunt. And the head-to-head match-ups between contenders could drastically alter the current state of affairs. I reluctantly include my team in the hunt, but fear not as my collection of cadavers and fading pulses will do little to upset the apple cart.

The death bell has tolled for Mike D., Jamie Harris, and Kevin Andrachuk, as all hope for making the playoffs is gone. Spoiler is the best any of you can hope for.


Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land

Week 9 Summary - Average Is The Word

It wasn't just Week 9 this weekend, but the glorious celebration of Jamie Harris 36th birthday. And what did we see??? Well, the week played out pretty much as projected as all the favorites prevailed, Madge continued in his place at the top (despite Kevin's best attempts at heel knipping), Harris' epic losing streak continued, and a bunch of trades changed the faces of many teams and perhaps even their futures. But the things I saw at Harris' birthday celebration? Well, they were just wrong: It all went down at Cheval - a place most of this league's owner would best remember as 606 King West. I remember having fun there 10 years ago and openly mocking men our age now for hitting on women our age then. Let's just say that some people don't remember that. Things are different there now - bottle service with flares - literally pyrotechnics are attached to each bottle of booze for some reason; classy booth service; everybody is at the club but everybody seems to be texting someone else on their blackberrys; and more meat-heads than ever. Also, the next time anyone runs into Fats at say, a business meeting, ask him to roll up his sleeve and show you his tasteful, tribal full-arm tattoo. Should spice up the boardroom a bit.

Average score rose slightly to 94.6 pts from last week's 90.35 pts, as nobody put in a monster performance and nobody really crapped the bed. This week even felt average.

The average margin of victory grew to 29.7 pts from last week's 22.3 pts as just the Madge/Kevin match was anywhere near close. This marks the 3rd week in a row when Madge's opponent couldn't take advantage of his lower scores. And it re-affirms my fear that his season is charmed, but if the weakness continues he may just get clipped yet.

Performer of The Week:

Madge's 121.4 pts takes the top spot this week. Honourable mentions to Hauser (118.4) and Devo (116.7).

Senorita Of The Week:

Oh my. This one was extremely close and may changed between now and Saturday if history has taught us anything. Jeff Alls, 61.6 pts. It should have been me, but a late H. Ward TD in the Monday night game put me just ahead at 62.1 pt. Congratulation Jeff, you deserve it.


8-1 Club:

Ugh. Madge. Again.

The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

No award this week as no bench player could have swayed the outcome. Perhaps people are starting to really get it. Naw, just lucky is more like it.

State of the League:

No State of the League this week - just read last week's and add wins to Madge and Devo and losses to Kevin and Harris.



Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land

Week 8 Summary - Far Less Drama

Week 8 and its aftermath will be far less dramatic than Week 7 as separation exists in the scoring and I doubt we'll see any adjustments affecting the results. Drama came to the league this week in the form trades as Hauser and Smith/Kim/Wright pulled a biggie and Ashby and Harris decided to make out a little.

Average score dropped to 90.35 pts this week from last week's 99.99. Just one team put up over 110 pts, a match with both scores in the 70's, and a sub-50 for the books all explain the drop in scoring.

The average margin of victory grew to 22.3 pts from last week's too close for comfort and restless nights 13.5 pts. Mike D. went from being on the receiving end of the beat down to giving it out as he stomped on Harris by a margin of 41.1 pts. This marks the 2nd week in a row when Madge's opponent couldn't take advantage of his lower scores. This concerns me as it may mean his season is charmed, or perhaps it is an indication that Madge's streak is about to end as his scoring continues to fall off...


Performer of The Week:

Much like the simply misunderstood Michael Myers who just wanted to go home, Devo has returned from the mental institute and with 135.6 points, he took top spot this week. 38.6 points from Rodgers and 40 from Chris Johnson are a nice foundation for the week.

No honourable mentions this week as nobody else cleared the 110 point mark.

Senorita Of The Week:

Oh Harris. 47.5 points. A new low, even for you. I'm amused by the irony that someone who claims to be an HR professional makes such horrible personnel decisions. Trading with Tim is also a poor choice.


7-1 Club:

Ugh. Madge. Again. I'm disturbed by this. I'm more disturbed by the reports I'm receiving from the staff of the club. We've never had to hire a fecal removal service before.

The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

Lance - Mark Sanchez, 32 pts. I would personally like to thank you for starting Alex Smith. Your mufin basket is on the way.

Kevin - Matt Hasselbeck, 26.2 pts. (Not enough to matter, but enough to hurt and make you question your thinking.


State of the League:

A couple of big winning streaks - Madge (7-1) on a 7 game bender, and Gregor (6-2) with a chippy 5 game streak. Devo (6-2) is hanging in there, but I'm still not buying it. Hauser and Alls are sitting at 5-2 with Fusco and Lance at 4-4.

A monster of a losing streak for Harris (7 games of heartbreak) puts him in the basement with Kevin who has a 2 game losing streak going. Kevin is volatile and I would urge caution when speaking to or possibly trading with him. Harris has changed his goals for the seasons multiple times in conversation going from wanting to finish in the top half to just wanting to beat Ashby to now wanting to cut himself repeatedly.



Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land