Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to click:
The first round of the playoff pitted old foes against each other. For some it was contests with the most important reward of all - cash - at stake, for others it was battling personal demons, and for others still it was a matter of mild disinterest in an already long lost season. Here it is, your first round playoff summary:
Average score came in at 97.1 points, down from last week's 101.3. And this week's average margin of victory came in at 31.9 as all games were decided cleanly.
Performer of The Week:
6 teams made it into triple digits this week, with 2 teams clearing the 120 point hurdle. This week's honours go to Lance and his 146.9 points. Sadly, this performance came in the Consolation Ladder with no one watching or caring. Jeff Alls takes the "High Scorer That Means Something" this week with his 108.2 points.
Senorita Of The Week:
File this one under "Going out with a whimper". Kevin's 54.3 points in a 92.6 point loss to his basketball pal Lance might as well be his receipt for buying the NBA Season's Pass.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
No games decided by single digits this week. Keep calm and carry on.
Winner's Bracket:
The road to the big cash prize pitted "old friends and possible future lovers...again" Jay Hauser vs. Tim Ashby in one side of the bracket and "never been in the same room together" Jeff Alls vs. Devin Mackesy in the other.
Ashby took down Hauser 99.3-75.3. Let's just say that this was not an impressive match going into the Grand Finale as one would want to see a solid triple digit score and not an opponent that rolls over like a well trained Golden Retriever. I'm predicting second place for you, Tim. I also believe that the Fantasy Football Gods will punish your early season hubristic declaration of undefeatability (possibly not a word).
Jeff Alls rode Brees' 55.5 points to a 108.2-85.7 defeat of Devin Mackesy and Aaron Rodgers. It would apear as though Mr. Rodgers took a break at a most unfortunate time for Devo. More shocking, it would appear that Jeff has some sort of fantasy football ESP / psychic powers as he openly challenged your beloved commissioner's plan for the payout structure as if he knew he would be playing for the big money at year's end. Scary.
So the set up is a Tim Ashby vs. Jeff Alls. North Toronto vs. East Antwerp. Poutine vs. Frites with mayo. Rob Ford vs. Patrick Janssens (look it up). Hello Kitty Fancier Magazine Subscriber vs. Beer and Beard Monthly Subscriber.
My prediction Alls 106, Ashby 62.6.
State of the League:
WINNER'S BRACKET
» Championship Matchup
#3 Stiff Brees (DMc)
(8-6)Jeff Alls
0
#1 FAST BOWLERS (ASHB)
(9-4-1)Tim Ashby
0
WINNER'S CONSOLATION LADDER
#4 GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION (HAUS)
(7-7)Jay Hauser
0
#2 Team Cryptkeeper (YARR)
(9-4-1)Devin Devin
0
CONSOLATION LADDER
#11 Abe Froman (ANDR)
(5-9)kevin Andrachuk
0
#10 Carmen Jello (CJ)
(6-8)Matthew Fusco
0
#8 Stack's House (STAK)
(7-7)Gregor Davidson
0
#5 T-Dot The 99% (99%)
(7-7)Mith Bobo
0
#9 Team Tap Out (HARR)
(6-8)Jamie Harris
0
#6 Team BadNewsBrawlers (DEAN)
(7-7)Mike DeAngelis
0
#12 Inglorious Bastards (RICH)
(5-9)Lance Richter
0
#7 The Blue Steel Dynasty (BS)
(7-7)Jason Madge
0
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Beloved Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Koala Towers - Kangaroo Plaza
121 Didgeridoo Lane
Perth, WA
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Week 14 Summary - All Over But The Crying, And The Playoffs
Week 14 brought clarity in a hotly contested run to the playoffs. It also brought further contention in how we are to distribute the cash and secretly, a decision on the future leadership of the league. Let's get through this together, shall we?
Average score increased slightly again to 101.3 points from last week's 100.8, while the average margin narrowed a touch to 18.3 due to a combination of blowouts and close ones.
Performer of The Week:
7 teams made it into triple digits this week, with 3 teams clearing the 120 point hurdle. Taking the honours this week is Jeff Alls, all the way from Antwerp and his 129.6 points. Honourable mentions to Lance (121.2), and Kevin (120.1).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D has fallen back to the bottom with 62.6 points - somebody should start tallying this category as I'm pretty sure Mike broke his own record for SOTWs. I remember when Mike wanted to be better. That was a long, long time ago, and I can only imagine the disdain his daughter holds for him.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three close ones this week, but the closest one was Ashby's squeaker of a victory over Madge by just 1.5 points. Kevin also came from behind to defeat Devo by just 3 points. This combination left us with a tie at the top of the standings. So un satisfying.
9-4-1 Club:
Tim and Devo have finished the regular season ensconced in the leaders lounge. Truly, this is my winter of discontent.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Madge could have used Julio Jones' 25. Seems fitting to end the regular season with the namesake taking his award.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
FAST BOWLERS 9 4 1 .679 --
Team Cryptkeeper 9 4 1 .679 --
Stiff Brees 8 6 0 .571 1.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 7 7 0 .500 2.5
T-Dot The 99% 7 7 0 .500 2.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 7 7 0 .500 2.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 7 7 0 .500 2.5
Stack's House 7 7 0 .500 2.5
Team Tap Out 6 8 0 .429 3.5
Carmen Jello 6 8 0 .429 3.5
Abe Froman 5 9 0 .357 4.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 9 0 .357 4.5
So, there it is. The computer will figure out the match ups and we'll go from there. But, it would appear as though Ashby, Devo, Alls, and Hauser are playing for the cash. Good luck with that. I'm praying for it to go to Antwerp.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Beloved Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Koala Towers - Kangaroo Plaza
121 Didgeridoo Lane
Perth, WA
Average score increased slightly again to 101.3 points from last week's 100.8, while the average margin narrowed a touch to 18.3 due to a combination of blowouts and close ones.
Performer of The Week:
7 teams made it into triple digits this week, with 3 teams clearing the 120 point hurdle. Taking the honours this week is Jeff Alls, all the way from Antwerp and his 129.6 points. Honourable mentions to Lance (121.2), and Kevin (120.1).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D has fallen back to the bottom with 62.6 points - somebody should start tallying this category as I'm pretty sure Mike broke his own record for SOTWs. I remember when Mike wanted to be better. That was a long, long time ago, and I can only imagine the disdain his daughter holds for him.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three close ones this week, but the closest one was Ashby's squeaker of a victory over Madge by just 1.5 points. Kevin also came from behind to defeat Devo by just 3 points. This combination left us with a tie at the top of the standings. So un satisfying.
9-4-1 Club:
Tim and Devo have finished the regular season ensconced in the leaders lounge. Truly, this is my winter of discontent.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Madge could have used Julio Jones' 25. Seems fitting to end the regular season with the namesake taking his award.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
FAST BOWLERS 9 4 1 .679 --
Team Cryptkeeper 9 4 1 .679 --
Stiff Brees 8 6 0 .571 1.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 7 7 0 .500 2.5
T-Dot The 99% 7 7 0 .500 2.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 7 7 0 .500 2.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 7 7 0 .500 2.5
Stack's House 7 7 0 .500 2.5
Team Tap Out 6 8 0 .429 3.5
Carmen Jello 6 8 0 .429 3.5
Abe Froman 5 9 0 .357 4.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 9 0 .357 4.5
So, there it is. The computer will figure out the match ups and we'll go from there. But, it would appear as though Ashby, Devo, Alls, and Hauser are playing for the cash. Good luck with that. I'm praying for it to go to Antwerp.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Beloved Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Koala Towers - Kangaroo Plaza
121 Didgeridoo Lane
Perth, WA
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Week 13 Summary - League Office Relocates / Some Big Numbers / 1 Week Left
Week 13 brought nails in coffins for some, abject acceptance for others, quiet confidence for some others, and increased anxiety for others still. This week also brings the long-threatened relocation of the league office from Nairobi, Kenya to Perth Australia. I have a bad flu and crazy jet lag, so this summary may have a falloff from its normally high standards. Let's get through this together, shall we?
Average score increased slightly to 100.8 points from last week's 100.4, while the average margin jumped to 20.2 points as only one game was close this week. 4 Teams put up over 120 points while just one couldn't cear the 70 point hurdle.
Performer of The Week:
With 5 teams in triple digits this week , we were once again spoiled for choice in this category. THis week's face full of glory goes to....ugh...Madge and his 151.2 points. Ugh. He'll be impossible at the Christmas dinner this weekend. Thanks to Allah that I'm many, many thousands of kms away. Honourable mentions to Jeff Alls (135.6), Ashby (127.2), Devo (121.8), and Eric/Pat/Sunny (103).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D's streak of despair has ended. James A. Harris, and your 69.9 points take the dirty, dirty cake of SOTW. Brady can't help you anymore...
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one close match this week, Mike D over Kevin A by 2.7. The only good thing that has happened to Kevin this season has been the resolution of the NBA labour dispute. Trust me, had they not resolved it, he would have been on high doses of malbec and white owl cigars. This is not necessarily a bad thing...
9-3-1 Club:
Devo remains ensconced in the warm glow of sole-possession of the lead...but will it remain this way??? Can Ashby tie it up in the last week of the regular season?
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 9 3 1 .731 --
FAST BOWLERS 8 4 1 .654 1
Stiff Brees 7 6 0 .538 2.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 7 6 0 .538 2.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 7 6 0 .538 2.5
Stack's House 7 6 0 .538 2.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 6 7 0 .462 3.5
T-Dot The 99% 6 7 0 .462 3.5
Team Tap Out 6 7 0 .462 3.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 8 0 .385 4.5
Carmen Jello 5 8 0 .385 4.5
Abe Froman 4 9 0 .308 5.5
In and safe - Devo and Ashby. Discuss amongst yourselves.
2.5 Back - 4 for 2 spots - Alls, Mike D (c'mon, really?), Madge (Ugh), and Gregor.
3.5 Back - Hauser, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Harris - The truth is, I'm too drugged up to do the math. Please submit your own dream scenario of how you could make the playoffs.
The Walking Dead - Kevin, Fusco, Lance - I'm stuck with the basketball fans. At least they have something to look forward too. I, on the other hand, will spend the off-season getting a gun and hunting the most dangerous game of all.
Also, don't forget to vote on how to split up the big $$$ in the poll on the league page.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Beloved Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Koala Towers - Kangaroo Plaza
121 Didgeridoo Lane
Perth, WA
Average score increased slightly to 100.8 points from last week's 100.4, while the average margin jumped to 20.2 points as only one game was close this week. 4 Teams put up over 120 points while just one couldn't cear the 70 point hurdle.
Performer of The Week:
With 5 teams in triple digits this week , we were once again spoiled for choice in this category. THis week's face full of glory goes to....ugh...Madge and his 151.2 points. Ugh. He'll be impossible at the Christmas dinner this weekend. Thanks to Allah that I'm many, many thousands of kms away. Honourable mentions to Jeff Alls (135.6), Ashby (127.2), Devo (121.8), and Eric/Pat/Sunny (103).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D's streak of despair has ended. James A. Harris, and your 69.9 points take the dirty, dirty cake of SOTW. Brady can't help you anymore...
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one close match this week, Mike D over Kevin A by 2.7. The only good thing that has happened to Kevin this season has been the resolution of the NBA labour dispute. Trust me, had they not resolved it, he would have been on high doses of malbec and white owl cigars. This is not necessarily a bad thing...
9-3-1 Club:
Devo remains ensconced in the warm glow of sole-possession of the lead...but will it remain this way??? Can Ashby tie it up in the last week of the regular season?
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 9 3 1 .731 --
FAST BOWLERS 8 4 1 .654 1
Stiff Brees 7 6 0 .538 2.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 7 6 0 .538 2.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 7 6 0 .538 2.5
Stack's House 7 6 0 .538 2.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 6 7 0 .462 3.5
T-Dot The 99% 6 7 0 .462 3.5
Team Tap Out 6 7 0 .462 3.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 8 0 .385 4.5
Carmen Jello 5 8 0 .385 4.5
Abe Froman 4 9 0 .308 5.5
In and safe - Devo and Ashby. Discuss amongst yourselves.
2.5 Back - 4 for 2 spots - Alls, Mike D (c'mon, really?), Madge (Ugh), and Gregor.
3.5 Back - Hauser, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Harris - The truth is, I'm too drugged up to do the math. Please submit your own dream scenario of how you could make the playoffs.
The Walking Dead - Kevin, Fusco, Lance - I'm stuck with the basketball fans. At least they have something to look forward too. I, on the other hand, will spend the off-season getting a gun and hunting the most dangerous game of all.
Also, don't forget to vote on how to split up the big $$$ in the poll on the league page.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Beloved Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Koala Towers - Kangaroo Plaza
121 Didgeridoo Lane
Perth, WA
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Week 12 Summary - Tight Finish / Tight Standings / MINUS 10!
Week 12 brought one of my favourite events of the fantasy year. It also saw a continued slide for at least 2 teams, even more confusion about the middle, a return to form for others, and a glimpse of hope for some.
Let's get to the summary:
Average score jumped to 100.4 points from last week's 83.3, while the average margin expanded slightly to 22.1 points. 6 Teams made it into triple digits and just one team below 70 (more on this special case to follow).
Performer of The Week:
With 6 teams in triple digits, there were lots of performances to choose from. Taking the glory this week is Eric/Pat/Sunny. That's right, EPS put up 129.7. With 30 coming from one senor Victor Cruz. Honourable mentions to Jeff (127.4 in a loss - more on this shortly), Gregor (125.5), Ashby (Ugh - 125), Hauser (113.3 in a loss), and Harris (111.4). It certainly is nice to be done with the bye weeks.
Senorita Of The Week:
For the third week in a row, Mike D. has wowed us all with his team's awful-ness. This week was a little better than last with 45.1 points, but still bad. Of course, his Defence was slapped with the -10 for letting New Orleans put up 49. I truly love this penalty and await its once a year arrival like a child on Christmas. Schadenfreude perhaps, but I like it.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
This one goes out to the Eric/Pat/Sunny win over Jeff Alls. Monday Night Football proved to be a most dramatic finish as Jeff was trailing by about 30 points and the ESPN computer was projecting a finishing score within a point of each other. Brees put up 50.4 and his kicker 7, but Senor Victor Cruz put up 30 to eek out the win by 2.3 points. Very emotional.
8-3-1 Club:
Devo remains the sole squatter in the leaders lounge. Fortunately, the crowd that was outside the lounge has been dispersed a little by pepper spray (a food product!). But lurking in the area still are Ashby (7-4-1) and Gregor (7-5), plus a gang of shady looking youths down the street at 6-6.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Hillis over Gore could have helped Alls - The only roster change that could have change the tables.
State of the League:
EAST
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 8 3 1 .708 --
FAST BOWLERS 7 4 1 .625 1
Stack's House 7 5 0 .583 1.5
Stiff Brees 6 6 0 .500 2.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 6 6 0 .500 2.5
Team Tap Out 6 6 0 .500 2.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 6 6 0 .500 2.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 6 6 0 .500 2.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 7 0 .417 3.5
T-Dot The 99% 5 7 0 .417 3.5
Carmen Jello 5 7 0 .417 3.5
Abe Froman 4 8 0 .333 4.5
Still tight. Still up in the air. I'm not making any predictions.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Let's get to the summary:
Average score jumped to 100.4 points from last week's 83.3, while the average margin expanded slightly to 22.1 points. 6 Teams made it into triple digits and just one team below 70 (more on this special case to follow).
Performer of The Week:
With 6 teams in triple digits, there were lots of performances to choose from. Taking the glory this week is Eric/Pat/Sunny. That's right, EPS put up 129.7. With 30 coming from one senor Victor Cruz. Honourable mentions to Jeff (127.4 in a loss - more on this shortly), Gregor (125.5), Ashby (Ugh - 125), Hauser (113.3 in a loss), and Harris (111.4). It certainly is nice to be done with the bye weeks.
Senorita Of The Week:
For the third week in a row, Mike D. has wowed us all with his team's awful-ness. This week was a little better than last with 45.1 points, but still bad. Of course, his Defence was slapped with the -10 for letting New Orleans put up 49. I truly love this penalty and await its once a year arrival like a child on Christmas. Schadenfreude perhaps, but I like it.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
This one goes out to the Eric/Pat/Sunny win over Jeff Alls. Monday Night Football proved to be a most dramatic finish as Jeff was trailing by about 30 points and the ESPN computer was projecting a finishing score within a point of each other. Brees put up 50.4 and his kicker 7, but Senor Victor Cruz put up 30 to eek out the win by 2.3 points. Very emotional.
8-3-1 Club:
Devo remains the sole squatter in the leaders lounge. Fortunately, the crowd that was outside the lounge has been dispersed a little by pepper spray (a food product!). But lurking in the area still are Ashby (7-4-1) and Gregor (7-5), plus a gang of shady looking youths down the street at 6-6.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Hillis over Gore could have helped Alls - The only roster change that could have change the tables.
State of the League:
EAST
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 8 3 1 .708 --
FAST BOWLERS 7 4 1 .625 1
Stack's House 7 5 0 .583 1.5
Stiff Brees 6 6 0 .500 2.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 6 6 0 .500 2.5
Team Tap Out 6 6 0 .500 2.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 6 6 0 .500 2.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 6 6 0 .500 2.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 7 0 .417 3.5
T-Dot The 99% 5 7 0 .417 3.5
Carmen Jello 5 7 0 .417 3.5
Abe Froman 4 8 0 .333 4.5
Still tight. Still up in the air. I'm not making any predictions.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Week 11 Summary - Falling From Grace / Signs of Life / Surrender / Incompetence
Week 11 brought with it the surrender that comes from a decision to rebuild, the acceptance of falling into one's old ways, the delusion of believing that some may still have a shot, the joy of staying on top, and the clarity of witnessing true incompetence.
Let's get to the summary:
Average score fell again this week to 83.3 from last week's 86.7 points from last week's 93, while the average margin expanded to 20.9 points. There wasn't a lot to brag about in the scoring department as the bye weeks wrapped up and full rosters will return this week.
Performer of The Week:
Just one team made it into triple digits this week - Jamie Harris and his team's 105.5 points. Let's not get too full of ourselves now, James. Statistical anomalies do occur from time to time.
Senorita Of The Week:
For the second week in a row, Mike D. has wowed us all with his team's awful-ness. 36.1 points is bad. Real bad. And I find it most depressing that Hauser was his opponent and some how rewarded with a win despite trying to cancel a trade offer of his own making. Really?!?!?
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one close on this week as Devo clipped Lance by 4.5 points and trashed talked him on the boards all the while (and managed to disparage our Performer of The Week as well):
Devin Devin (Nov 21 12:38 PM): You might have to fellate Stafford if you manage to pull out the win tonight. I'm sure Harris can show you how he and Brady do it...
7-3-1 Club:
Devo has once again been left alone in the leaders lounge. It keeps its terrible name, but the mob outside has grown in size and ugliness:
Ashby at 6-4-1 with Alls, Hauser, Mike D, Madge, and Gregor at 6-5.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Your beloved Commissioner could have used Cutler's 32.8. It totally would have been worth the broken thumb. Ugh.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 7 3 1 .682 --
FAST BOWLERS 6 4 1 .591 1
Stiff Brees 6 5 0 .545 1.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 6 5 0 .545 1.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 6 5 0 .545 1.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 6 5 0 .545 1.5
Stack's House 6 5 0 .545 1.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 6 0 .455 2.5
Team Tap Out 5 6 0 .455 2.5
T-Dot The 99% 4 7 0 .364 3.5
Carmen Jello 4 7 0 .364 3.5
Abe Froman 4 7 0 .364 3.5
Still tight. Far too close too call with the playoffs looming. I'd say nobody is out of it, but with Kevin's eye towards rebuilding through trade, I'd have to say he's thrown in the towel.
Happy waiver wire auctioning. US Thanksgiving this week, so 3 games on Thursday. Gobble, gobble.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Let's get to the summary:
Average score fell again this week to 83.3 from last week's 86.7 points from last week's 93, while the average margin expanded to 20.9 points. There wasn't a lot to brag about in the scoring department as the bye weeks wrapped up and full rosters will return this week.
Performer of The Week:
Just one team made it into triple digits this week - Jamie Harris and his team's 105.5 points. Let's not get too full of ourselves now, James. Statistical anomalies do occur from time to time.
Senorita Of The Week:
For the second week in a row, Mike D. has wowed us all with his team's awful-ness. 36.1 points is bad. Real bad. And I find it most depressing that Hauser was his opponent and some how rewarded with a win despite trying to cancel a trade offer of his own making. Really?!?!?
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one close on this week as Devo clipped Lance by 4.5 points and trashed talked him on the boards all the while (and managed to disparage our Performer of The Week as well):
Devin Devin (Nov 21 12:38 PM): You might have to fellate Stafford if you manage to pull out the win tonight. I'm sure Harris can show you how he and Brady do it...
7-3-1 Club:
Devo has once again been left alone in the leaders lounge. It keeps its terrible name, but the mob outside has grown in size and ugliness:
Ashby at 6-4-1 with Alls, Hauser, Mike D, Madge, and Gregor at 6-5.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Your beloved Commissioner could have used Cutler's 32.8. It totally would have been worth the broken thumb. Ugh.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 7 3 1 .682 --
FAST BOWLERS 6 4 1 .591 1
Stiff Brees 6 5 0 .545 1.5
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 6 5 0 .545 1.5
Team BadNewsBrawlers 6 5 0 .545 1.5
The Blue Steel Dynasty 6 5 0 .545 1.5
Stack's House 6 5 0 .545 1.5
Inglorious Bastards 5 6 0 .455 2.5
Team Tap Out 5 6 0 .455 2.5
T-Dot The 99% 4 7 0 .364 3.5
Carmen Jello 4 7 0 .364 3.5
Abe Froman 4 7 0 .364 3.5
Still tight. Far too close too call with the playoffs looming. I'd say nobody is out of it, but with Kevin's eye towards rebuilding through trade, I'd have to say he's thrown in the towel.
Happy waiver wire auctioning. US Thanksgiving this week, so 3 games on Thursday. Gobble, gobble.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Week 10 Summary - Our First Tie / Close Ones / Blowout
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to click:
Week 10 brought with it some actively watched scoreboards as matches were close and the tie fairy visited us and blessed Devo and Tim in an unholy union. The old Mike D decided to come back from the dead, Eric/Pat/Sunny showed some life and your beloved commissioner is back on the emotional downslope. Let's get to the summary:
Average score fell some this week to 86.7 points from last week's 93, while the average margin narrowed to just 10.6 points as 4 matches had scores separated by less than 10 points and a fifth match was decided by 12.3 points.
Performer of The Week:
Just two teams were able to make it into triple digits with Eric/Pat/Sunny taking the top spot at 103.9, earning a much needed win and bitch-slapping Mike D. by 37.8 points and reminding him of seasons past. Honourable mention to Jeff Alls and his 101 points.
Senorita Of The Week:
This week's battle for the SOTW was especially close with many contenders, but the title and its requisite shame is bestowed upon Mike D. and his 66.1 points. Dis-honourable mention to Lance and his 66.3 points.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
As mentioned briefly above, 4 matches were decided by less than 10 points this week. Alls took down Fusco by 9, Madge clipped Lance by 4.3, Gregor squeezed Hauser by 0.3, and Timbo and Devo managed to finish in our league's first tie. This unholy union will bring no joy to our league and require use of another column in the standings chart and really messes up the name of our leaders lounge. It just means more work for our tech department in Mumbai. I hope you are happy, but know that neither of you could be happy with that outcome.
6-3-1 Club:
Devo has once again been left alone in the leaders lounge. It now has a terrible name and a 3 man line-up outside the door waiting to get in. I've also heard that they are watering down the drinks and rarely oiling the leather. For shame.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
This is a good one this week as Hauser could have swapped almost any position with a bench player and won his match. Sweet irony - or perhaps some other literary device. But, seriously, I can't believe you didn't play the Bears D and their 28 points. A defence, I might add, that your beloved commissioner was forced to drop due to bye week roster management challenges. (Also see Best and Gronkowski for great commissioner roster management examples).
State of the League:
EAST
TEAM, OWNER(S) PF PA HOME AWAY DIV STREAK
Team Cryptkeeper (Devin Devin) 1032.3 800 4-1-0 2-2-1 6-3-1 T1
Stiff Brees (Jeff Alls) 1008.4 983.6 2-4-0 4-0-0 6-4-0 W2
Team BadNewsBrawlers (Mike DeAngelis) 822.1 929.6 2-2-0 4-2-0 6-4-0 L1
Stack's House (Gregor Davidson) 933.2 849.3 3-2-0 3-2-0 6-4-0 W1
FAST BOWLERS (Tim Ashby) 1056.2 994.1 1-1-1 4-3-0 5-4-1 T1
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION (Jay Hauser) 1009.6 881.5 5-3-0 0-2-0 5-5-0 L1
The Blue Steel Dynasty (Jason Madge) 898.9 929.9 1-2-0 4-3-0 5-5-0 W3
Inglorious Bastards (Lance Richter) 899.3 973.1 2-4-0 3-1-0 5-5-0 L2
Team Tap Out (Jamie Harris) 891.3 1002 2-4-0 2-2-0 4-6-0 W1
Carmen Jello (Matthew Fusco) 887.1 887.7 3-2-0 1-4-0 4-6-0 L1
Abe Froman (kevin Andrachuk) 923.2 995.7 1-3-0 3-3-0 4-6-0 L2
T-Dot Triple Threat (Mith Bobo) 898.7 1033.8 1-4-0 2-3-0 3-7-0 W2
It looks like it is still wide open as nobody has made a sustained run this season. Tight. Very tight.
Happy waiver wire auctioning and don't forget about the Thursday game
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to click:
Week 10 brought with it some actively watched scoreboards as matches were close and the tie fairy visited us and blessed Devo and Tim in an unholy union. The old Mike D decided to come back from the dead, Eric/Pat/Sunny showed some life and your beloved commissioner is back on the emotional downslope. Let's get to the summary:
Average score fell some this week to 86.7 points from last week's 93, while the average margin narrowed to just 10.6 points as 4 matches had scores separated by less than 10 points and a fifth match was decided by 12.3 points.
Performer of The Week:
Just two teams were able to make it into triple digits with Eric/Pat/Sunny taking the top spot at 103.9, earning a much needed win and bitch-slapping Mike D. by 37.8 points and reminding him of seasons past. Honourable mention to Jeff Alls and his 101 points.
Senorita Of The Week:
This week's battle for the SOTW was especially close with many contenders, but the title and its requisite shame is bestowed upon Mike D. and his 66.1 points. Dis-honourable mention to Lance and his 66.3 points.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
As mentioned briefly above, 4 matches were decided by less than 10 points this week. Alls took down Fusco by 9, Madge clipped Lance by 4.3, Gregor squeezed Hauser by 0.3, and Timbo and Devo managed to finish in our league's first tie. This unholy union will bring no joy to our league and require use of another column in the standings chart and really messes up the name of our leaders lounge. It just means more work for our tech department in Mumbai. I hope you are happy, but know that neither of you could be happy with that outcome.
6-3-1 Club:
Devo has once again been left alone in the leaders lounge. It now has a terrible name and a 3 man line-up outside the door waiting to get in. I've also heard that they are watering down the drinks and rarely oiling the leather. For shame.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
This is a good one this week as Hauser could have swapped almost any position with a bench player and won his match. Sweet irony - or perhaps some other literary device. But, seriously, I can't believe you didn't play the Bears D and their 28 points. A defence, I might add, that your beloved commissioner was forced to drop due to bye week roster management challenges. (Also see Best and Gronkowski for great commissioner roster management examples).
State of the League:
EAST
TEAM, OWNER(S) PF PA HOME AWAY DIV STREAK
Team Cryptkeeper (Devin Devin) 1032.3 800 4-1-0 2-2-1 6-3-1 T1
Stiff Brees (Jeff Alls) 1008.4 983.6 2-4-0 4-0-0 6-4-0 W2
Team BadNewsBrawlers (Mike DeAngelis) 822.1 929.6 2-2-0 4-2-0 6-4-0 L1
Stack's House (Gregor Davidson) 933.2 849.3 3-2-0 3-2-0 6-4-0 W1
FAST BOWLERS (Tim Ashby) 1056.2 994.1 1-1-1 4-3-0 5-4-1 T1
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION (Jay Hauser) 1009.6 881.5 5-3-0 0-2-0 5-5-0 L1
The Blue Steel Dynasty (Jason Madge) 898.9 929.9 1-2-0 4-3-0 5-5-0 W3
Inglorious Bastards (Lance Richter) 899.3 973.1 2-4-0 3-1-0 5-5-0 L2
Team Tap Out (Jamie Harris) 891.3 1002 2-4-0 2-2-0 4-6-0 W1
Carmen Jello (Matthew Fusco) 887.1 887.7 3-2-0 1-4-0 4-6-0 L1
Abe Froman (kevin Andrachuk) 923.2 995.7 1-3-0 3-3-0 4-6-0 L2
T-Dot Triple Threat (Mith Bobo) 898.7 1033.8 1-4-0 2-3-0 3-7-0 W2
It looks like it is still wide open as nobody has made a sustained run this season. Tight. Very tight.
Happy waiver wire auctioning and don't forget about the Thursday game
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Week 9 Summary - Closest One Ever / Streaks / Birthday Curses / From The Depths
Week 9 brought some joy back into the life of your beloved commissioner for his own success, the unexpected success of another and the misery of 1 or 2 others. Week 9 was not the happiest of birthdays for 2 of your fellow owner/managers, and it brought the closest finish in league history. Let's get to the summary:
Average continued its rise this week to 93 from last week's 89.1 points while the average margin of widened to 26.6 points.
Performer of The Week:
For the second week in a row, Madge put up the biggest number at 128.7. Let's just call it what it is: A DEAD CAT BOUNCE. Don't get too comfortable, thy fall right soon cometh. Honourable mentions to Hauser (118), Kevin (111.9 in a loss to Madge), and even Eric/Pat/Sunny for making it into triple digits with 106.
Senorita Of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, step on up. Well, not that far up as you should be most ashamed of your 52.1 points. That is Mike D. bad. Also bad, the fact that you lost to me, your beloved Commissioner. Dis-honourable mentions to the two birthday boys - Lance and his 62.4 and Harris and his 70.8. Happy birthday fellas. Let's just be glad this only comes around once a year.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Welcome to the closest match we've ever had:
Mike D. 101 Points
Tim Ashby 100.9 Points
Ouch. I believe that is 0.1 points. I also believe that is Mike's 4th win in a row and Tim's 3 loss in a row - a losing streak that started almost immediately after posting a claim that he was "unbeatable" - check the league page, it is still on there and will remain so for many, many weeks.
6-3 Club:
Devo must be starting to sweat, as no longer is his grasp on the lead just his, but his companion in the leaders lounge is the one and only Mike D.
Is it all a dream? Has Mike D. ever been in the lounge? How will he behave? What happens if it is his and his alone after next week???
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Tim Ashby: Why for you no start Marshawn Lynch and his 19 points? Oh right, because you're doomed....forever!
State of the League:
EAST
TEAM, OWNER(S) PF PA HOME AWAY DIV STREAK
Team Cryptkeeper (Devin Devin) 936 703.7 4-1-0 2-2-0 6-3-0 L2
Team BadNewsBrawlers (Mike DeAngelis) 756 825.7 2-2-0 4-1-0 6-3-0 W4
FAST BOWLERS (Tim Ashby) 959.9 897.8 1-1-0 4-3-0 5-4-0 L3
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION (Jay Hauser) 929.3 800.9 5-3-0 0-1-0 5-4-0 W2
Stiff Brees (Jeff Alls) 907.4 891.6 1-4-0 4-0-0 5-4-0 W1
Stack's House (Gregor Davidson) 853.6 769 2-2-0 3-2-0 5-4-0 L1
Inglorious Bastards (Lance Richter) 833 902.5 2-3-0 3-1-0 5-4-0 L1
The Blue Steel Dynasty (Jason Madge) 828.3 863.6 1-2-0 3-3-0 4-5-0 W2
Where To Next? (Matthew Fusco) 795.1 787.7 3-2-0 1-3-0 4-5-0 W1
Abe Froman (kevin Andrachuk) 835.9 896.1 1-3-0 3-2-0 4-5-0 L1
Team Tap Out (Jamie Harris) 791.7 914.7 1-4-0 2-2-0 3-6-0 L4
T-Dot Triple Threat (Mith Bobo) 794.8 967.7 0-4-0 2-3-0 2-7-0 W1
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and in Week 10. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS WEEK IS THE START OF THURSDAY NIGHT GAMES.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average continued its rise this week to 93 from last week's 89.1 points while the average margin of widened to 26.6 points.
Performer of The Week:
For the second week in a row, Madge put up the biggest number at 128.7. Let's just call it what it is: A DEAD CAT BOUNCE. Don't get too comfortable, thy fall right soon cometh. Honourable mentions to Hauser (118), Kevin (111.9 in a loss to Madge), and even Eric/Pat/Sunny for making it into triple digits with 106.
Senorita Of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, step on up. Well, not that far up as you should be most ashamed of your 52.1 points. That is Mike D. bad. Also bad, the fact that you lost to me, your beloved Commissioner. Dis-honourable mentions to the two birthday boys - Lance and his 62.4 and Harris and his 70.8. Happy birthday fellas. Let's just be glad this only comes around once a year.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Welcome to the closest match we've ever had:
Mike D. 101 Points
Tim Ashby 100.9 Points
Ouch. I believe that is 0.1 points. I also believe that is Mike's 4th win in a row and Tim's 3 loss in a row - a losing streak that started almost immediately after posting a claim that he was "unbeatable" - check the league page, it is still on there and will remain so for many, many weeks.
6-3 Club:
Devo must be starting to sweat, as no longer is his grasp on the lead just his, but his companion in the leaders lounge is the one and only Mike D.
Is it all a dream? Has Mike D. ever been in the lounge? How will he behave? What happens if it is his and his alone after next week???
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Tim Ashby: Why for you no start Marshawn Lynch and his 19 points? Oh right, because you're doomed....forever!
State of the League:
EAST
TEAM, OWNER(S) PF PA HOME AWAY DIV STREAK
Team Cryptkeeper (Devin Devin) 936 703.7 4-1-0 2-2-0 6-3-0 L2
Team BadNewsBrawlers (Mike DeAngelis) 756 825.7 2-2-0 4-1-0 6-3-0 W4
FAST BOWLERS (Tim Ashby) 959.9 897.8 1-1-0 4-3-0 5-4-0 L3
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION (Jay Hauser) 929.3 800.9 5-3-0 0-1-0 5-4-0 W2
Stiff Brees (Jeff Alls) 907.4 891.6 1-4-0 4-0-0 5-4-0 W1
Stack's House (Gregor Davidson) 853.6 769 2-2-0 3-2-0 5-4-0 L1
Inglorious Bastards (Lance Richter) 833 902.5 2-3-0 3-1-0 5-4-0 L1
The Blue Steel Dynasty (Jason Madge) 828.3 863.6 1-2-0 3-3-0 4-5-0 W2
Where To Next? (Matthew Fusco) 795.1 787.7 3-2-0 1-3-0 4-5-0 W1
Abe Froman (kevin Andrachuk) 835.9 896.1 1-3-0 3-2-0 4-5-0 L1
Team Tap Out (Jamie Harris) 791.7 914.7 1-4-0 2-2-0 3-6-0 L4
T-Dot Triple Threat (Mith Bobo) 794.8 967.7 0-4-0 2-3-0 2-7-0 W1
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and in Week 10. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS WEEK IS THE START OF THURSDAY NIGHT GAMES.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Week 8 Summary - Streaks / Emotional Roller Coaster / Rehab
Week 8 brought with it a ticket to the emotional roller coaster for some, convergence about the middle, an the beginning of a bad streak for at least one, the continuation of a bad streak for another, and a big bid on a big bust. My tears of joy have been replaced with those of sadness and the blood-alcohol level is back up, but I shall soldier on and once again get through the summary:
Average score bounced some to 89.1 from last week's season-low 80.7 points while the average margin of victory grew a touch to 16 points.
Performer of The Week:
Showing the same signs of life as Terri Schiavo (too soon???), Madge was able to post 106.8 and take what will be his only title for a long, long time. Madge also bid a big $50 for the highly fragile and highly damaged Jahvid Best. Mark my words, this is you hitting rock bottom. I only hope you take advantage of the our league's owners helping owners recovery program by moving into Ashby's basement to dry out. Honourable mention to Gregor and his 104.1 - the only other score in the triple digits.
Senorita Of The Week:
This week's SOTW and all of its related shame falls onto your beloved commissioner and his 62.2 points. From POTW to SOTW is what hurts the most. Damn you bye weeks, damn you all to heck. Notice the use of non-offensive language as last week's calling attention to the Lord's work may have jinxed my fantasy prospects.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Kevin clipped Alls by 7.8 and Gregor handed Ashby his second loss in a row by 8.9 points. Has anyone else noticed the marketing thievery that has befallen your beloved commissioner??? That's right, GMC has thrown their mighty marketing budget at ESPN and stolen my original idea for the close match of the week. This is not the first time this has happened - The Harv, Velcro, New Coke, and the personal computer should all be credited to me in some form.
6-2 Club:
Still safely and alone in the lounge is Devo. But a hungry pack gathers outside the door 4 deep. Beware the streaking Mike D. (3 wins in a row - has this ever happened???) and Lance (2 wins in a row). Have no fear of Harris (3 game losing streak), or Eric/Pat/Sunny (probably Madge's room mate in the recovery centre).
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Nobody would have helped anybody?
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 6 2 0 .750 --
FAST BOWLERS 5 3 0 .625 1
Team BadNewsBrawlers 5 3 0 .625 1
Stack's House 5 3 0 .625 1
Inglorious Bastards 5 3 0 .625 1
Stiff Brees 4 4 0 .500 2
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 4 4 0 .500 2
Abe Froman 4 4 0 .500 2
Team Tap Out 3 5 0 .375 3
The Blue Steel Dynasty 3 5 0 .375 3
Where To Next? 3 5 0 .375 3
T-Dot Triple Threat 1 7 0 .125 5
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and in Week 9.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average score bounced some to 89.1 from last week's season-low 80.7 points while the average margin of victory grew a touch to 16 points.
Performer of The Week:
Showing the same signs of life as Terri Schiavo (too soon???), Madge was able to post 106.8 and take what will be his only title for a long, long time. Madge also bid a big $50 for the highly fragile and highly damaged Jahvid Best. Mark my words, this is you hitting rock bottom. I only hope you take advantage of the our league's owners helping owners recovery program by moving into Ashby's basement to dry out. Honourable mention to Gregor and his 104.1 - the only other score in the triple digits.
Senorita Of The Week:
This week's SOTW and all of its related shame falls onto your beloved commissioner and his 62.2 points. From POTW to SOTW is what hurts the most. Damn you bye weeks, damn you all to heck. Notice the use of non-offensive language as last week's calling attention to the Lord's work may have jinxed my fantasy prospects.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Kevin clipped Alls by 7.8 and Gregor handed Ashby his second loss in a row by 8.9 points. Has anyone else noticed the marketing thievery that has befallen your beloved commissioner??? That's right, GMC has thrown their mighty marketing budget at ESPN and stolen my original idea for the close match of the week. This is not the first time this has happened - The Harv, Velcro, New Coke, and the personal computer should all be credited to me in some form.
6-2 Club:
Still safely and alone in the lounge is Devo. But a hungry pack gathers outside the door 4 deep. Beware the streaking Mike D. (3 wins in a row - has this ever happened???) and Lance (2 wins in a row). Have no fear of Harris (3 game losing streak), or Eric/Pat/Sunny (probably Madge's room mate in the recovery centre).
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Nobody would have helped anybody?
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 6 2 0 .750 --
FAST BOWLERS 5 3 0 .625 1
Team BadNewsBrawlers 5 3 0 .625 1
Stack's House 5 3 0 .625 1
Inglorious Bastards 5 3 0 .625 1
Stiff Brees 4 4 0 .500 2
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 4 4 0 .500 2
Abe Froman 4 4 0 .500 2
Team Tap Out 3 5 0 .375 3
The Blue Steel Dynasty 3 5 0 .375 3
Where To Next? 3 5 0 .375 3
T-Dot Triple Threat 1 7 0 .125 5
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and in Week 9.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Week 7 Summary - Giant Killer / Divine Intervention / Winless No More / Table For 1 In The Lounge
Week 7 brought with it some personal validation for your beloved Commissioner, just the one score in the triple digits but six below 80, a sole leader in the lounge, and a stop to the shame for the team with three owners. I'll try to hold back my tears of joy and once again get through the summary:
Average score dropped yet again to a season-low 80.7 points from last week's 88 points and the average margin of victory came in at just 14 points.
Performer of The Week:
Your beloved Commissioner (Matthew J. Fusco) gets the praise this week as a heroic effort powered by Arian Foster's 43 handed Thomas Q. Ashberg his second defeat in a row since proclaiming himself "Unbeatable". There will be no honourable mentions this week as no one else made it into triple digits. Shame on you all.
Senorita Of The Week:
This week's SOTW and all of its related shame falls on Jamie Harris and his lowly 55.5 points This is a man that knows shame. This is a man that will know shame again. Just ask him for some of the photos.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Proof of divine intervention??? Did God answer this summary's prayer??? Eric/Pat/Sunny were able to put their first win on the board by handing defeat to Kevin by a mere 5.6 points. But a win is a win. Congrats, gentlemen. Just a tip though - try not to
Also, please note that the fantasy football gods have punished Kevin for proclaiming his team to be "firing on all cylinders". Fantasy Hubris is a sin. Look it up.
6-1 Club:
And then there was 1. Congrats to Devo for fumigating the leader's lounge and clearing out the Blattella Ashbyahinai (that's a fancy way of saying cockroach - go ahead look it up) and having it to himself. Beware thine own fall from grace.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
To this award's namesake: I'm guessing you would have liked to start a kicker. Or a tight end. "Bye" means their team will not be playing that week.
To Mike D: We all know the Arizona Cardinals are your team, but benching Roethlisberger and his 39.6 almost cost you the win. Fortunately for you, Madge can't seem to get his reptile brain around the new waiver wire system. Congratulations on being 1 game over .500 - is this a first???
State of the League:
I enjoyed the chatter last week - let's see it the hatred and vitriol keeps going.
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 6 1 0 .857 --
FAST BOWLERS 5 2 0 .714 1
Stiff Brees 4 3 0 .571 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 4 3 0 .571 2
Stack's House 4 3 0 .571 2
Inglorious Bastards 4 3 0 .571 2
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 3 4 0 .429 3
Where To Next? 3 4 0 .429 3
Team Tap Out 3 4 0 .429 3
Abe Froman 3 4 0 .429 3
The Blue Steel Dynasty 2 5 0 .286 4
T-Dot Triple Threat 1 6 0 .143 5
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's all hope (and pray?) for your commissioner's win streak to keep going in Week 8.
By the way, things are a little crazy in Nairobi - grenades, explosions, Al Shabaab threats. I may have to relocate the league office...
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average score dropped yet again to a season-low 80.7 points from last week's 88 points and the average margin of victory came in at just 14 points.
Performer of The Week:
Your beloved Commissioner (Matthew J. Fusco) gets the praise this week as a heroic effort powered by Arian Foster's 43 handed Thomas Q. Ashberg his second defeat in a row since proclaiming himself "Unbeatable". There will be no honourable mentions this week as no one else made it into triple digits. Shame on you all.
Senorita Of The Week:
This week's SOTW and all of its related shame falls on Jamie Harris and his lowly 55.5 points This is a man that knows shame. This is a man that will know shame again. Just ask him for some of the photos.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Proof of divine intervention??? Did God answer this summary's prayer??? Eric/Pat/Sunny were able to put their first win on the board by handing defeat to Kevin by a mere 5.6 points. But a win is a win. Congrats, gentlemen. Just a tip though - try not to
Also, please note that the fantasy football gods have punished Kevin for proclaiming his team to be "firing on all cylinders". Fantasy Hubris is a sin. Look it up.
6-1 Club:
And then there was 1. Congrats to Devo for fumigating the leader's lounge and clearing out the Blattella Ashbyahinai (that's a fancy way of saying cockroach - go ahead look it up) and having it to himself. Beware thine own fall from grace.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
To this award's namesake: I'm guessing you would have liked to start a kicker. Or a tight end. "Bye" means their team will not be playing that week.
To Mike D: We all know the Arizona Cardinals are your team, but benching Roethlisberger and his 39.6 almost cost you the win. Fortunately for you, Madge can't seem to get his reptile brain around the new waiver wire system. Congratulations on being 1 game over .500 - is this a first???
State of the League:
I enjoyed the chatter last week - let's see it the hatred and vitriol keeps going.
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Team Cryptkeeper 6 1 0 .857 --
FAST BOWLERS 5 2 0 .714 1
Stiff Brees 4 3 0 .571 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 4 3 0 .571 2
Stack's House 4 3 0 .571 2
Inglorious Bastards 4 3 0 .571 2
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 3 4 0 .429 3
Where To Next? 3 4 0 .429 3
Team Tap Out 3 4 0 .429 3
Abe Froman 3 4 0 .429 3
The Blue Steel Dynasty 2 5 0 .286 4
T-Dot Triple Threat 1 6 0 .143 5
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's all hope (and pray?) for your commissioner's win streak to keep going in Week 8.
By the way, things are a little crazy in Nairobi - grenades, explosions, Al Shabaab threats. I may have to relocate the league office...
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Friday, October 21, 2011
The (Almost) Mid-Season Power Rankings with 80's WWF characters added
A special guest post by league member, owner/manager, bon vivant and mid-packer, Kevin Andrachuk:
12. Triple Threat: The Hart Foundation (or the Bolsheviks)
This team is turning out to be quite pathetic. Who's driving this runaway, bangladeshi train? All of these brothers wrestled for the title at some point, the promise of something better is always present, but tragedy will eventually strike. If you guys were better, you could have been the Legion of Doom.
11. Blue Steel Dynasty: Brutus the Barber Beefcake
He once was a force, but was revealed to be a flaming failure when he had to deal with some adversity. One injury is a Deathblow, Madge? Your better than that.
10. The Commish: Captain Lou Albano
I recently saw pictures of Matt in full tribal gear, with the hoop earings and everything. I fear that is the direction his team is going, deep into the jungle, never to return. Its hard to make a move when Jay Cutler is your starting QB. I think Matt is suffering from the Curse of Tony Romo.
9. Mike D: Poppa Shangow
There were many options for Mike (Jake the Snake, Tatanka, Jimmy Snuka), but Poppa Shangow fits, as he has been cursed since his success many years ago. He has not been a player in years, but everybody hopes he finally makes it out of the bottom three and into the race.
8. Jaime Harris: Sgt Slaughter
If you put a moustache and 80 pounds on Jamie, you can see the resemblance. Unfortunately for me, I had the image of Jamie ordering around middle aged hussies at a Swingers club. Not cool. He has Brady, which will keep him in the hunt.
7. Abe Froman: Roddy Piper (pre They Live)
My team has so much promise, but I am not hopeful. Romo could be my downfall, or saviour.
6. Lance: Mr. Perfect
Everything is always in its right place with Lance, but he has never broken through. This is by far his best team, but he desperately needs another RB or two to make the playoffs.
5. Gregor: The Ultimate Warrior
This is seemingly a compliment, as the Ultimate Warrior was the face of the WWF in the late 80s and early 90s. Yet he flamed out, all of his promise not fully realized, as partying and rampant steroid abuse destroyed him. He came in with the best keepers, and his squad is solid, but will he be able hold off some tough competition? he seems to think he has the best team by far, I'm not sure I agree.
4. Hauser: Hacksaw Jim Duggan
The most entertaining pool member, always fun loving, but doesn't seem to have the stuffing to be champion yet. He has come close, and this might be the year. Its debatable whether his weight loss is good for his decision making, but I say it has been. Rivers is about to explode with Gates back.
3. Jeff Alls: Paul Orndorff
A man of Mystery, not much is known about Orndorff, or Jeff. he is a constant competitor, possible champion, and, uh, I don't know. Jeff is very opinionated, but I have never had the pleasure of meeting him. Nice team, I am not sure what to say. I think Jeff has a real shot to win it all with one good trade.
2. Devin: Elizabeth
To the man who was the best looking woman at the 1995 sex fetish party. At first he looked meek this season, not in control of his future, and a blowjob queen behind the scenes. But it turns out she/he has been running things all along. Having Aaron Rodgers is obviously the biggest reason for his ranking, and he also drafted well and has great keepers.
1. Ashby: Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan
Finally, its all coming together for Tim. This could be his year, all the moves are paying off, but at any moment he could make a catastrophic move to detonate his season. He is as cocky as Heenan, but can he finally win something? His team's success is dependant on Newton continuing to thrash opponents, but I think teams will catch up to him.
12. Triple Threat: The Hart Foundation (or the Bolsheviks)
This team is turning out to be quite pathetic. Who's driving this runaway, bangladeshi train? All of these brothers wrestled for the title at some point, the promise of something better is always present, but tragedy will eventually strike. If you guys were better, you could have been the Legion of Doom.
11. Blue Steel Dynasty: Brutus the Barber Beefcake
He once was a force, but was revealed to be a flaming failure when he had to deal with some adversity. One injury is a Deathblow, Madge? Your better than that.
10. The Commish: Captain Lou Albano
I recently saw pictures of Matt in full tribal gear, with the hoop earings and everything. I fear that is the direction his team is going, deep into the jungle, never to return. Its hard to make a move when Jay Cutler is your starting QB. I think Matt is suffering from the Curse of Tony Romo.
9. Mike D: Poppa Shangow
There were many options for Mike (Jake the Snake, Tatanka, Jimmy Snuka), but Poppa Shangow fits, as he has been cursed since his success many years ago. He has not been a player in years, but everybody hopes he finally makes it out of the bottom three and into the race.
8. Jaime Harris: Sgt Slaughter
If you put a moustache and 80 pounds on Jamie, you can see the resemblance. Unfortunately for me, I had the image of Jamie ordering around middle aged hussies at a Swingers club. Not cool. He has Brady, which will keep him in the hunt.
7. Abe Froman: Roddy Piper (pre They Live)
My team has so much promise, but I am not hopeful. Romo could be my downfall, or saviour.
6. Lance: Mr. Perfect
Everything is always in its right place with Lance, but he has never broken through. This is by far his best team, but he desperately needs another RB or two to make the playoffs.
5. Gregor: The Ultimate Warrior
This is seemingly a compliment, as the Ultimate Warrior was the face of the WWF in the late 80s and early 90s. Yet he flamed out, all of his promise not fully realized, as partying and rampant steroid abuse destroyed him. He came in with the best keepers, and his squad is solid, but will he be able hold off some tough competition? he seems to think he has the best team by far, I'm not sure I agree.
4. Hauser: Hacksaw Jim Duggan
The most entertaining pool member, always fun loving, but doesn't seem to have the stuffing to be champion yet. He has come close, and this might be the year. Its debatable whether his weight loss is good for his decision making, but I say it has been. Rivers is about to explode with Gates back.
3. Jeff Alls: Paul Orndorff
A man of Mystery, not much is known about Orndorff, or Jeff. he is a constant competitor, possible champion, and, uh, I don't know. Jeff is very opinionated, but I have never had the pleasure of meeting him. Nice team, I am not sure what to say. I think Jeff has a real shot to win it all with one good trade.
2. Devin: Elizabeth
To the man who was the best looking woman at the 1995 sex fetish party. At first he looked meek this season, not in control of his future, and a blowjob queen behind the scenes. But it turns out she/he has been running things all along. Having Aaron Rodgers is obviously the biggest reason for his ranking, and he also drafted well and has great keepers.
1. Ashby: Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan
Finally, its all coming together for Tim. This could be his year, all the moves are paying off, but at any moment he could make a catastrophic move to detonate his season. He is as cocky as Heenan, but can he finally win something? His team's success is dependant on Newton continuing to thrash opponents, but I think teams will catch up to him.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Week 6 Summary - Glimmer Of Hope / A Whole Lotta .500 / Bottom Dweller
Week 6 brought with it a small glimmer of hope for your beloved Commissioner, just two scores in the triple digits but three in the 60s, a mild thinning of the leaders lounge, and yet more shame for the team with three owners. I'll be able try to get through the summary without crying and maybe even partially sober:
Average score dropped to a season-low 88 points from last week's 91.7 points and the average margin of victory came in at 16.5 points.
Performer of The Week:
Kevin claimed his team was "firing on all cylinders" and his team backed up his words with 127.7 points. Your beloved Commissioner gets the honourable mention as his team was the only other one in triple digits.
Senorita Of The Week:
Gregor takes the SOTW by stinking up the joint with was able to go just 62.8. I guess that pre-game ritual of watching the volleyball scene in Top Gun on a multi-hour loop didn't work so well.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Mike D. was able to just clip a slumping Gregor D. by just 1.4 points. Both notched scores in the 60's. Not a great performance by either, but shouldn't the BIG NEWS BE THAT MIKE D. IS AT .500?!?!?!?!!?
5-1 Club:
And then there were 2: the lounge has a lovely and cozy table for two by the fireplace which will seat Devo and Timbo on their second date. No chaperone this week as Gregor lost his membership card and was escorted out of the warm confines but security.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
The only possible change this week would have been Gregor starting Mike Thomas and his 3 points over Plaxico's 1 point production. Lots of mention of Gregor this week - he usually keeps a low profile...hmmm....
State of the League:
I'm looking for some trash talk - something personal and friendship destroying. Any takers? Especially since most of the league is clumped together at .500:
Standings
1. Team Cryptkeeper 5-1 W3
2. FAST BOWLERS 5-1 W1
3. Stack's House 4-2 L1
4. GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 3-3 L1
5. Stiff Brees 3-3 L1
6. Inglorious Bastards 3-3 L1
7. Team Tap Out 3-3 L1
8. Abe Froman 3-3 W1
9. Team BadNewsBrawlers 3-3 W1
10. The Blue Steel Dynasty 2-4 W1
11. Where To Next? 2-4 W1
12. T-Dot Triple Threat 0-6 L6
Updated Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Dear God,
Please help Eric/Pat/Sunny see the light, abandon their collectively blasphemous ways, and take a path toward the good side and the way to a win. Or not, I'd be pleased to see somebody go winless on the season and I think they have what it takes to do it.
-Matthew John Fusco - Just like Matthew, Mark, Luke, & John - seriously, were my folks God-fearing or what in the early 70's???
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's all hope for a little more commissioner love in Week 7.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average score dropped to a season-low 88 points from last week's 91.7 points and the average margin of victory came in at 16.5 points.
Performer of The Week:
Kevin claimed his team was "firing on all cylinders" and his team backed up his words with 127.7 points. Your beloved Commissioner gets the honourable mention as his team was the only other one in triple digits.
Senorita Of The Week:
Gregor takes the SOTW by stinking up the joint with was able to go just 62.8. I guess that pre-game ritual of watching the volleyball scene in Top Gun on a multi-hour loop didn't work so well.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Mike D. was able to just clip a slumping Gregor D. by just 1.4 points. Both notched scores in the 60's. Not a great performance by either, but shouldn't the BIG NEWS BE THAT MIKE D. IS AT .500?!?!?!?!!?
5-1 Club:
And then there were 2: the lounge has a lovely and cozy table for two by the fireplace which will seat Devo and Timbo on their second date. No chaperone this week as Gregor lost his membership card and was escorted out of the warm confines but security.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
The only possible change this week would have been Gregor starting Mike Thomas and his 3 points over Plaxico's 1 point production. Lots of mention of Gregor this week - he usually keeps a low profile...hmmm....
State of the League:
I'm looking for some trash talk - something personal and friendship destroying. Any takers? Especially since most of the league is clumped together at .500:
Standings
1. Team Cryptkeeper 5-1 W3
2. FAST BOWLERS 5-1 W1
3. Stack's House 4-2 L1
4. GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 3-3 L1
5. Stiff Brees 3-3 L1
6. Inglorious Bastards 3-3 L1
7. Team Tap Out 3-3 L1
8. Abe Froman 3-3 W1
9. Team BadNewsBrawlers 3-3 W1
10. The Blue Steel Dynasty 2-4 W1
11. Where To Next? 2-4 W1
12. T-Dot Triple Threat 0-6 L6
Updated Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Dear God,
Please help Eric/Pat/Sunny see the light, abandon their collectively blasphemous ways, and take a path toward the good side and the way to a win. Or not, I'd be pleased to see somebody go winless on the season and I think they have what it takes to do it.
-Matthew John Fusco - Just like Matthew, Mark, Luke, & John - seriously, were my folks God-fearing or what in the early 70's???
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's all hope for a little more commissioner love in Week 7.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Week 5 Summary - A Return To Normalcy / Posting Too Soon / Low is Low / The Darkness Closes In
Week 5 brought with it the beginning of NFL bye weeks, a return to reality in scoring, a defeat to one that was previously undefeated, some scores in the 50s, and further emotional decay for your beloved Commissioner. I'll try to get through the summary without crying and before the mood enhancers kick in:
Average score returned to a normal 91.7 points from last week's rather silly 105 points and the average margin of victory came in at 22.4 points.
Performer of The Week:
No "WOW"s this week. Just good, old fashioned point gettin' Jeff Alls and his 109.2 points were the high water mark this week.
Honourable mentions to Lance (108.9) and Devo and Gregor (both at 102.6).
Senorita Of The Week:
This may be the closest SOTW race we've ever had: Kevin stumbled his way to just 57.1, but Madge was able to put even more poo in his pants and notch a mere 56.7 points. Life sure is different this season, isn't it Madge???
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Pass the prozac, Jameson's, and Haagen Daaz vanilla ice cream - I was clipped by Harris by just 5.8 points. My emotional state is not a good one. Cry for me, Argentina.
4-1 Club:
Ah, yes. Tim Ashby has finally felt the cold steel of defeat at the hands of the one and only Lance Richter. And the leaders' lounge now grants access to the following members:
Ashby (days are numbered - on more of a guest pass than an actual membership card)
Devin Mackesy (WHAT?!?!?! Sneaky, Devo. Very sneaky)
Gregor Davidson (Must be making Kevin so very angry)
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I'm sure Mike D. would like Rothlisberger's 41.4, and Eric/Pat/Sunny probably should have started Cruz and his 22 over Boldin and his BYE week.
State of the League:
Please Tim, keep posting league messages titled "I'm Unbeatable". Pretty please.
Standings
1. FAST BOWLERS 4-1 L1
2. Team Cryptkeeper 4-1 W2
3. Stack's House 4-1 W2
4. Inglorious Bastards 3-2 W1
5. GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 3-2 W2
6. Stiff Brees 3-2 W1
7. Team Tap Out 3-2 W1
8. Abe Froman 2-3 L2
9. Team BadNewsBrawlers 2-3 L1
10. The Blue Steel Dynasty 1-4 L1
11. Where To Next? 1-4 L4
12. T-Dot Triple Threat 0-5 L5
Updated Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's all hope for a happier week 6.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average score returned to a normal 91.7 points from last week's rather silly 105 points and the average margin of victory came in at 22.4 points.
Performer of The Week:
No "WOW"s this week. Just good, old fashioned point gettin' Jeff Alls and his 109.2 points were the high water mark this week.
Honourable mentions to Lance (108.9) and Devo and Gregor (both at 102.6).
Senorita Of The Week:
This may be the closest SOTW race we've ever had: Kevin stumbled his way to just 57.1, but Madge was able to put even more poo in his pants and notch a mere 56.7 points. Life sure is different this season, isn't it Madge???
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Pass the prozac, Jameson's, and Haagen Daaz vanilla ice cream - I was clipped by Harris by just 5.8 points. My emotional state is not a good one. Cry for me, Argentina.
4-1 Club:
Ah, yes. Tim Ashby has finally felt the cold steel of defeat at the hands of the one and only Lance Richter. And the leaders' lounge now grants access to the following members:
Ashby (days are numbered - on more of a guest pass than an actual membership card)
Devin Mackesy (WHAT?!?!?! Sneaky, Devo. Very sneaky)
Gregor Davidson (Must be making Kevin so very angry)
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I'm sure Mike D. would like Rothlisberger's 41.4, and Eric/Pat/Sunny probably should have started Cruz and his 22 over Boldin and his BYE week.
State of the League:
Please Tim, keep posting league messages titled "I'm Unbeatable". Pretty please.
Standings
1. FAST BOWLERS 4-1 L1
2. Team Cryptkeeper 4-1 W2
3. Stack's House 4-1 W2
4. Inglorious Bastards 3-2 W1
5. GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 3-2 W2
6. Stiff Brees 3-2 W1
7. Team Tap Out 3-2 W1
8. Abe Froman 2-3 L2
9. Team BadNewsBrawlers 2-3 L1
10. The Blue Steel Dynasty 1-4 L1
11. Where To Next? 1-4 L4
12. T-Dot Triple Threat 0-5 L5
Updated Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's all hope for a happier week 6.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Week 4 Summary - Oh My, So High / Oh No, So Very Low....
Week 4 positively stunned your usually loquacious, verbose, and generally beloved commissioner. The results are Dickensian in their separation of those that did well from those that did not and mimic the current global economic strife that separates the rich from the poor but in much more serious fantasy football terms.
Once again, the harsh light of Tuesday and a look at the final scores dashed the hopes of some, stoked the competitive fires of others, and even breathed life into some that were near death. While I'd like to say at least 51% of my weekly content is fresh, I feel the need to re-use the following lines: Some new emotional depths have been reached by me and I can only assume others. And yet others are riding rainbows of happiness sprinkled with the tail wags of a happy puppies. Let's get to that which went down:
Average score jumped back up to 104.9 points from last week's 97.5 points. But math geeks will tell you that a simple average calculation can mask flaws in any data set. And this week is evidence of this flawed statistic and its use here. Back to Dickens, as this week's scores were the best of times and the worst of times. Unlike last week, this week saw scores that were outrageous AND terrible.
The average margin of victory was an RIDICULOUS 48.6 pts this week. Eric / Pat / Sunny fell to Devo by an epic 126.1 points, and Kevin fell to Hauser by 76.1 points. The window for league surrender will open early this year and we're giving away a free suicide steak knife with each application. Three of the other four matches were each decided by almost 30 points. Yikes.
Performer of The Week:
Um, I think this one deserves a "WOW". Devin Mackesy, 193.9 points every roster spot hit double digits and Rodgers put up a massive 65.9 points. Maybe, "YIKES" is better. Holy crap.
Honourable mentions to Hauser (145.1), Gregor (129), and Ashby (121.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Ruh-roh, again....Consider your beloved commissioner on suicide watch. Is there an NHL pool that needs a commissioner? Maybe I could pull a Gary Betman and let Ashby be my David Stern? While I may be your SOTW with a meagre 63.9 points (also giving Madge his 1st win), 2 other teams were trying to challenge me with their suckitude by scoring in the 60s - Eric/Pat/Sunny (67.8) and Kevin (69). A word of advice - you do not want to be like your beloved commissioner. The imitation is flattering, but ill-advised. In other news, my anger towards Arian Foster means I will now be accepting offers for his services.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
As alluded to above, just the one close match this week as Mike D. clipped Lance by just 4.9 points.
4-0 Club:
I'm thinking of cancelling this section of the summary due to lack of readership interest. Tim Ashby is the only one that likes this part. I can assure you all that I do not like it at all.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I'm pretty sure Lance would like Pierre Garcon and his 32 if he had the chance to do it again. The other matches were so lopsided that no one player could have shifted the outcomes.
State of the League:
M W L T PCT GB
FAST BOWLERS 4 0 0 1.000 --
Team Cryptkeeper 3 1 0 .750 1
Stack's House 3 1 0 .750 1
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 2 2 0 .500 2
Stiff Brees 2 2 0 .500 2
Team Tap Out 2 2 0 .500 2
Inglorious Bastards 2 2 0 .500 2
Abe Froman 2 2 0 .500 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 2 2 0 .500 2
The Blue Steel Dynasty 1 3 0 .250 3
Where To Next? 1 3 0 .250 3
T-Dot Triple Threat 0 4 0 .000 4
Has anyone heard from Eric/Pat/Sunny - is it possible they have pulled a Mike D. circa 2010??? Is Patrick having more children and using Eric and Sunny as some dynamic manny team to herd the children???
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's hope for a happier week 5.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Once again, the harsh light of Tuesday and a look at the final scores dashed the hopes of some, stoked the competitive fires of others, and even breathed life into some that were near death. While I'd like to say at least 51% of my weekly content is fresh, I feel the need to re-use the following lines: Some new emotional depths have been reached by me and I can only assume others. And yet others are riding rainbows of happiness sprinkled with the tail wags of a happy puppies. Let's get to that which went down:
Average score jumped back up to 104.9 points from last week's 97.5 points. But math geeks will tell you that a simple average calculation can mask flaws in any data set. And this week is evidence of this flawed statistic and its use here. Back to Dickens, as this week's scores were the best of times and the worst of times. Unlike last week, this week saw scores that were outrageous AND terrible.
The average margin of victory was an RIDICULOUS 48.6 pts this week. Eric / Pat / Sunny fell to Devo by an epic 126.1 points, and Kevin fell to Hauser by 76.1 points. The window for league surrender will open early this year and we're giving away a free suicide steak knife with each application. Three of the other four matches were each decided by almost 30 points. Yikes.
Performer of The Week:
Um, I think this one deserves a "WOW". Devin Mackesy, 193.9 points every roster spot hit double digits and Rodgers put up a massive 65.9 points. Maybe, "YIKES" is better. Holy crap.
Honourable mentions to Hauser (145.1), Gregor (129), and Ashby (121.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Ruh-roh, again....Consider your beloved commissioner on suicide watch. Is there an NHL pool that needs a commissioner? Maybe I could pull a Gary Betman and let Ashby be my David Stern? While I may be your SOTW with a meagre 63.9 points (also giving Madge his 1st win), 2 other teams were trying to challenge me with their suckitude by scoring in the 60s - Eric/Pat/Sunny (67.8) and Kevin (69). A word of advice - you do not want to be like your beloved commissioner. The imitation is flattering, but ill-advised. In other news, my anger towards Arian Foster means I will now be accepting offers for his services.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
As alluded to above, just the one close match this week as Mike D. clipped Lance by just 4.9 points.
4-0 Club:
I'm thinking of cancelling this section of the summary due to lack of readership interest. Tim Ashby is the only one that likes this part. I can assure you all that I do not like it at all.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I'm pretty sure Lance would like Pierre Garcon and his 32 if he had the chance to do it again. The other matches were so lopsided that no one player could have shifted the outcomes.
State of the League:
M W L T PCT GB
FAST BOWLERS 4 0 0 1.000 --
Team Cryptkeeper 3 1 0 .750 1
Stack's House 3 1 0 .750 1
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 2 2 0 .500 2
Stiff Brees 2 2 0 .500 2
Team Tap Out 2 2 0 .500 2
Inglorious Bastards 2 2 0 .500 2
Abe Froman 2 2 0 .500 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 2 2 0 .500 2
The Blue Steel Dynasty 1 3 0 .250 3
Where To Next? 1 3 0 .250 3
T-Dot Triple Threat 0 4 0 .000 4
Has anyone heard from Eric/Pat/Sunny - is it possible they have pulled a Mike D. circa 2010??? Is Patrick having more children and using Eric and Sunny as some dynamic manny team to herd the children???
Good luck on the waiver wire auction and let's hope for a happier week 5.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Week 3 Summary - Speaking (Typing) Too Soon / Emotional Roller Coaster / Depths of Despair
Week 3 started out as hopeful for some and perhaps overly cautious for others according to the message boards. The light of Tuesday and a look at the final scores has proven most expectations rather incorrect. Some new emotional depths have been reached by me and I can only assume others. And yet others are riding rainbows of happiness sprinkled with the tail wags of a happy puppies. Let's get to that which went down:
Average score came back to an earthly 97.5 points compared to last week's high-flying 110.8 pts. Scores were healthy, but nothing too outrageous or too terrible.
The average margin of victory was 12.5 pts this week. Just the one beat down as Hauser swallowed hard and may have had some watery eyes as he fell to Harris by 27.6 points.
Performer of The Week:
Lance Richter, 121.2 points. AND his beloved Buffalo Bills are 3-0. Anyone else believe our pal Lance is skipping about the Greater Hamilton Region on a joy high???
Honourable Mention to Jeff Alls and his 116.1 points.
Senorita Of The Week:
Ruh-roh. Not only did Mike D. beat your beloved commissioner, but he has moved out of the SOTW basement apartment, at least temporarily. The new tenant? One Jay Hauser and his 74.4 points and his bruised ego from the Harris beating.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two close ones this week: Kevin clipped Devo by just 0.9 (very tight - the names-ending-with-evin-on-names-ending-with-evin crime rate is rising) and yours truly fell to Mike D. by just 4.8 (Depressing, but I mostly blame my team. And Mike D).
3-0 Club:
Oh my. Just the one in the club and it is Ashby. Get ready for an unbearable week of the most insufferable, ego-driven, Hello Kitty-inspired trash talk you've heard for years. When will he fall. Soon, my pretties, soon.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Massaquoi's 8 could have helped Devo and Gregor probably wishes he started Flacco and his 38.7. I'm just saying.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
FAST BOWLERS 3 0 0 1.000 --
Manning Down 2 1 0 .667 1
Stack's House 2 1 0 .667 1
Inglorious Bastards 2 1 0 .667 1
Team Tap Out 2 1 0 .667 1
Robert Pryce 2 1 0 .667 1
Team Cryptkeeper 2 1 0 .667 1
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 1 2 0 .333 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 1 2 0 .333 2
Where To Next? 1 2 0 .333 2
T-Dot Triple Threat 0 3 0 .000 3
The Blue Steel Dynasty 0 3 0 .000 3
I can't speak for Eric/Pat/Sunny or Madge (mostly because what is happening is unspeakable), and it is safe to assume that Tim is most pleased with himself, but 9 teams at 2-1 and 1-2 will require some shaking out. Good luck on the waiver wire auction and happy week 4.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average score came back to an earthly 97.5 points compared to last week's high-flying 110.8 pts. Scores were healthy, but nothing too outrageous or too terrible.
The average margin of victory was 12.5 pts this week. Just the one beat down as Hauser swallowed hard and may have had some watery eyes as he fell to Harris by 27.6 points.
Performer of The Week:
Lance Richter, 121.2 points. AND his beloved Buffalo Bills are 3-0. Anyone else believe our pal Lance is skipping about the Greater Hamilton Region on a joy high???
Honourable Mention to Jeff Alls and his 116.1 points.
Senorita Of The Week:
Ruh-roh. Not only did Mike D. beat your beloved commissioner, but he has moved out of the SOTW basement apartment, at least temporarily. The new tenant? One Jay Hauser and his 74.4 points and his bruised ego from the Harris beating.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two close ones this week: Kevin clipped Devo by just 0.9 (very tight - the names-ending-with-evin-on-names-ending-with-evin crime rate is rising) and yours truly fell to Mike D. by just 4.8 (Depressing, but I mostly blame my team. And Mike D).
3-0 Club:
Oh my. Just the one in the club and it is Ashby. Get ready for an unbearable week of the most insufferable, ego-driven, Hello Kitty-inspired trash talk you've heard for years. When will he fall. Soon, my pretties, soon.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Massaquoi's 8 could have helped Devo and Gregor probably wishes he started Flacco and his 38.7. I'm just saying.
State of the League:
TEAM W L T PCT GB
FAST BOWLERS 3 0 0 1.000 --
Manning Down 2 1 0 .667 1
Stack's House 2 1 0 .667 1
Inglorious Bastards 2 1 0 .667 1
Team Tap Out 2 1 0 .667 1
Robert Pryce 2 1 0 .667 1
Team Cryptkeeper 2 1 0 .667 1
GENTLEMAN'S INTERMISSION 1 2 0 .333 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 1 2 0 .333 2
Where To Next? 1 2 0 .333 2
T-Dot Triple Threat 0 3 0 .000 3
The Blue Steel Dynasty 0 3 0 .000 3
I can't speak for Eric/Pat/Sunny or Madge (mostly because what is happening is unspeakable), and it is safe to assume that Tim is most pleased with himself, but 9 teams at 2-1 and 1-2 will require some shaking out. Good luck on the waiver wire auction and happy week 4.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Week 2 Summary - Karma's A Bitch
The highs of a Week 1 win have been tempered somewhat over the last few days as the reality of Week 2, dealing with injuries and playing an opponent much, much tougher than KEvin have all set in. The joy of the NFL season has been cut by the depths of sadness and a visit to a very dark place after suffering a loss. The off-season and the distraction of the lockout made me forget how emotionally involving this league is. The past week has also seen our first trades of the year and the associated controversy, justification, debate, and karmic retribution. Let's get to that which went down:
Average score jumped to a might big 110.8 points compared to last week's 96.1 pts. There were lots of fat score to help that average.
The average margin of victory was a very healthy 27.2 pts. Kevin bitch-slapped Mike D. by 52.8, Ashby treated Harris rather poorly by posting a winning margin of 44.5, and even Hauser gave Madge a little rough trade with a 31.7 point winning margin.
Performer of The Week:
Tim Ashby, 158.6 points. Which is rather a lot of points. And they came from almost everybody in his line up. Nicey. Just don't bring up the nanny.
Honourable Mentions to Kevin (126), Hauser (125.9), and Lance (125.3).
Senorita Of The Week:
The more things change, the more they stay the same. Mike D. and his 73.2 points this week have deepened his pedigree of suckitude. At least he got rid of the Jamaal Charles time bomb that was looming on his roster.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Only two matches decided by less than 10 points this week - Fusco fell to Devo by just 7.2 and Jeff lost to Lance by 9.8. Not as dramatic as last week, but losing to Devo blows goats.
2-0 Club:
There must be some sort of problem with the Club's online reservation system as just three members - Ashby, Gregor, and Devin are shown on the roster. Were Eric/Pat/Sunny listed, I would suspect some sort of hacking scandal, but let's just hope our fine technicians in Bangladesh sort this out soon as this is no way to present this league to the public.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
The only instance that could have changed an outcome this week would have been Fred Jackson's 25 for Jeff. Tough luck, Antwerp.
State of the League:
I'm still happy to be back, but 1-1 doesn't feel very good, but it can't feel nearly as bad as 0-2. Right Madge, Mike D, and Eric/Pat/Sunny???
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average score jumped to a might big 110.8 points compared to last week's 96.1 pts. There were lots of fat score to help that average.
The average margin of victory was a very healthy 27.2 pts. Kevin bitch-slapped Mike D. by 52.8, Ashby treated Harris rather poorly by posting a winning margin of 44.5, and even Hauser gave Madge a little rough trade with a 31.7 point winning margin.
Performer of The Week:
Tim Ashby, 158.6 points. Which is rather a lot of points. And they came from almost everybody in his line up. Nicey. Just don't bring up the nanny.
Honourable Mentions to Kevin (126), Hauser (125.9), and Lance (125.3).
Senorita Of The Week:
The more things change, the more they stay the same. Mike D. and his 73.2 points this week have deepened his pedigree of suckitude. At least he got rid of the Jamaal Charles time bomb that was looming on his roster.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Only two matches decided by less than 10 points this week - Fusco fell to Devo by just 7.2 and Jeff lost to Lance by 9.8. Not as dramatic as last week, but losing to Devo blows goats.
2-0 Club:
There must be some sort of problem with the Club's online reservation system as just three members - Ashby, Gregor, and Devin are shown on the roster. Were Eric/Pat/Sunny listed, I would suspect some sort of hacking scandal, but let's just hope our fine technicians in Bangladesh sort this out soon as this is no way to present this league to the public.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
The only instance that could have changed an outcome this week would have been Fred Jackson's 25 for Jeff. Tough luck, Antwerp.
State of the League:
I'm still happy to be back, but 1-1 doesn't feel very good, but it can't feel nearly as bad as 0-2. Right Madge, Mike D, and Eric/Pat/Sunny???
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
2011-2012 - Week 1 - We're Back!!!
Oh man, is it ever good to be back. The pre-season bitching and whining about the changes to the league was just a warm up for what lies ahead. I can't wait for the trash talk and bickering to start. Plus, I look forward to the re-kindling of old rivalries and the spewed vitriol that will accompany. It feels good to be writing this weekly summary and to stare at the warm glow of my Macbook as Fantasy Cast updates the action from so many miles away. I just wish I was there in person to be able to watch the games and trash talk one-on-one. Maybe we'll steer some of those league fees into a NetJets account so I can come back on weekends. It seems like a good use of funds.
Average score came in at 96.1 pts. which is in that mid-90's sweet spot that warms my statistical analysis heart. A sign of good things to come? Maybe. Proof that owner/managers are getting better at what they do? Highly unlikely.
The average margin of victory was a solid 19.3 pts. Devo whooped Mike D. but good by 39.5 and Gregor took the brothers Richter down by a big, big 47.7 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, 121.4 points. He may not be able to read emails and understand their content and then squeaky-wheel his way into a blog post, but his team can score.
Honourable Mentions to Ashby (111.2), Alls (109.8), Hauser (108.3 in a losing effort), and Harris (102.2).
Senorita Of The Week:
The more things change, the more they stay the same. Mike D. and 59.2 points have continued the precedent set last season. A season that will go down as one of the most shameful in league history. I'm waiting for his excuses on this one - probably blame jet lag from his Italian adventure or maybe just his Italian-ness.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three matches decided by less than 10 points this week - Fusco pushed Kevin into back-to-school-depression by 9.6 points, Harris edged Madge by 4.4 thanks to Brady's 56.2 and Ashby clipped Hauser by a mere 2.9.
1-0 Club:
Crowded and feeling rather less than exclusive. Table for 6, please. Fusco, Devo, Harris, Gregor, Ashby, and Alls are all here. Last year, for comparison, Week 1 was Fusco, Madge, Mike D, Ashby, Alls, and Lance. Clearly, it means nothing, but I'd prefer to be in the club than out on the street.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
This award's namesake (and former, never to repeat again champion) could have used Aaron Hernandez's 16. Kevin could have used Tolbert's 26. Hauser wishes he had Nelson's 13, and Pat/Eric/Sunny could have used Tate's 14.
State of the League:
I'm just happy to be back. And to have beaten Kevin. I feel joy.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Average score came in at 96.1 pts. which is in that mid-90's sweet spot that warms my statistical analysis heart. A sign of good things to come? Maybe. Proof that owner/managers are getting better at what they do? Highly unlikely.
The average margin of victory was a solid 19.3 pts. Devo whooped Mike D. but good by 39.5 and Gregor took the brothers Richter down by a big, big 47.7 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, 121.4 points. He may not be able to read emails and understand their content and then squeaky-wheel his way into a blog post, but his team can score.
Honourable Mentions to Ashby (111.2), Alls (109.8), Hauser (108.3 in a losing effort), and Harris (102.2).
Senorita Of The Week:
The more things change, the more they stay the same. Mike D. and 59.2 points have continued the precedent set last season. A season that will go down as one of the most shameful in league history. I'm waiting for his excuses on this one - probably blame jet lag from his Italian adventure or maybe just his Italian-ness.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three matches decided by less than 10 points this week - Fusco pushed Kevin into back-to-school-depression by 9.6 points, Harris edged Madge by 4.4 thanks to Brady's 56.2 and Ashby clipped Hauser by a mere 2.9.
1-0 Club:
Crowded and feeling rather less than exclusive. Table for 6, please. Fusco, Devo, Harris, Gregor, Ashby, and Alls are all here. Last year, for comparison, Week 1 was Fusco, Madge, Mike D, Ashby, Alls, and Lance. Clearly, it means nothing, but I'd prefer to be in the club than out on the street.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
This award's namesake (and former, never to repeat again champion) could have used Aaron Hernandez's 16. Kevin could have used Tolbert's 26. Hauser wishes he had Nelson's 13, and Pat/Eric/Sunny could have used Tate's 14.
State of the League:
I'm just happy to be back. And to have beaten Kevin. I feel joy.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
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