As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 7 continued to bring much joy to my life. However, I fear this joy may be short-lived as its source, a victory over the much despised Tim Ashby was a costly one for my team. More on this sad, sad story later, but for now, onto the summary:
Scoring was high this week on the actual field and on our computer monitors as 7 teams made it into triple digits and 4 teams posted scores over the 120 pt mark. The average score jumped to 101.3 pts from last week's 92.6 pts. A triple digit average is a VERY healthy week. The average margin of victory grew slightly to 21.7 pts from last week's 19.2 as just one of the matches was decided by less than 10 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Devin Mackesy, 141.1 points. WHAT?!?!?!? Oh my yes. Kenny Britt and his 48 certainly helped the total. This was a special week for Devo - high score, his first win, and his beloved Oakland Raiders put 59 points on the Broncos. Truly, special days. OR perhaps one of the signs of the apocalypse? For all you end-of-the-world types, I did read recently that due to a calculation error in the Mayan calendar, the whole 2012 thing has been put off for at least 100 years. Conflicting signals from the universe, perhaps, but more like a statistical blip that we won't pay much attention to ever again.
Honourable mentions to Harris (133.9), Gregor (125.2, 37 from Roddy White), and Lance (123.3).
Senorita Of The Week:
Again, more work for me this week as we have a new Mayor of Ineptitude-ville. Kevin Andrachuk, come get your pink satin sash and matching heels as your 40 points earned you the title of SOTW. How did it happen? Our crack statistical analysis team here at League HQ provided this:
"Low single digits (nothing above 3) in every category but QB (Hasselbeck had 15 pts, which is also not good) is how one reaches a 40 point total for a week. By the way, none of his startes were on a bye or significantly injured. This performance should be part of his permanent file and reviewed as part of the league's ongoing "Members Of Excellence" Program and relegation of this owner to some sort of junior league should be considered."
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just the one close one this week as Madge clipped Mike D. by 7.7. Despite the loss, Mike D's team sent out a press release endorsing Rob Ford for Mayor and celebrating the fact that it has been 2 weeks since they were SOTW - possibly a new record for the franchise.
The 6-1 Club:
As predicted in this space last week, I have vanquished my foe. The last week has been spent de-lousing the lounge, importing new Romanian waitresses, and having Tim's locker cleaned out. Tim was escorted from the building last evening by security and was last seen getting into a bedazzled, Hello Kitty-themed Smart car. His destination? 2nd place.
Fortunately, all is right with the world as Fusco is the sole member of this most exclusive club. I'd like to share share information on the menu, decor, and entertainment but you must earn the right to know such sensitive information. All you have to do is win and the secrets of this magical place shall be revealed.
The contest was costly though as long-time Fusco employee, Tony Romo broke his collarbone during the MNF game. And that plan to hang on to Favre as a back-up is not going so well what with his sex-ting problems and bad ankle. So, perhaps my stint alone here will be brief, but I assure you all that I shall enjoy.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Had Gregor started Dez Bryant and his 23 pts, Devo could have been kept in his dark, winless place.
Mike D. could have used Brandon Jackson's 14 to make it a damned close contest with Madge. But, then again, Madge could have started Carson Palmer and his 47.6 pts and crushed D. like a bug.
And finally, Kevin Andrachuk could have used Michael Bush's 12 to make it to 50. Oh wait, that wouldn't have changed anything. Still a loss. Still SOTW.
State of The League:
The natural order has returned and Fusco is alone on top at 6-1, wearing the rather comfortable and velvety robes of excellence. He does not rest easy though as the ghastly collective that is 2nd place is gathering outside the highly secured gates to the well-manicured gardens of the Leader's Lounge. Glancing down from the rooftop patio, the pitchforks and torches of envy and desire can be clearly seen.
The feisty ghouls that make up 2nd place at 5-2 include Ashby, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Harris. Don't let the success go to your heads, fellas. Take it from me, this winning stuff can be a bitch.
The next tier is the dwelling place of Madge and Kevin - both of whom have had their share of lows this season. Above .500 is something to hang your hats on. Not much, but something.
Moving below the .500 line, we see Lance, Gregor and Jeff at 3-4. Each of them have shown moments of promise, but where's the consistency?
And just one step from the muck, lies Mike D. How are you going to explain 2-5 to your daughter?
And finally, mired in the muck and sharing a miserable co-existence at 1-6, are Hauser and Devo. The difference between them? Hauser has lost 5 in a row and Devo can feel the light of victory on his muck-covered face.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Week 6 Summary - Ashby Beaten / Fusco Feels Fine / Devo's Depths of Depression / Streaks
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 6 brought much joy to my life. It really is the little things in life that one should take pleasure in. Elaborate dinners with expensive wine at the top restaurants are fantastic, but seeing both the undefeated and winless lose are truly enjoyable events. Onto the summary:
Scoring was down a bit this week as nobody really lit it up. Average fell to 92.6 pts from last week's 96.0 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 19.2 as two matches were close (EPS over Ashby and Kev over Lance) and there was just one blow-out (Fusco handing it to Hauser by 48.2 pts).
Performer of The Week:
Fusco, 116.4 pts. It is good to be me. I feel joy.
No honourable mentions as those that cracked triple digits did so only just and really don't deserve to share in my glory.
Senorita Of The Week:
I don't think anyone realizes how much effort it takes to write these summaries. It is a thankless job and Mike D. had been making this part easy as his strangle hold on SOTW meant less work for me. But, as usual, I'm the one who has to sacrifice and take one for the team:
Jay Hauser, your 68.2 points - while not awful - earned you the dis-honour of Senorita. I love it when my opponents are SOTW.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two tight ones this week. First Ashby became a sitting duck as Team Pat/Eric/Sunny were 2.4 points behind going into the MNF game with MJD still to play. The 3-Headed Monster has been surprisingly frisky as of late, got 5 points out of MJD, has strung together a 4 game winning streak AND humbled Ashby by handing him defeat.
Two old foes, Lance Richter of Hamilton and Kevin Andrachuk of Newmarket went head-to-head and came out of it each initially with 91.5 points. The overnight adjustments handed Kevin the victory by 1 pt. Could this change over the coming days???
5-1 Club:
Jeez. I leave for one week and I come back to this?!?!!?!? Toronto Star newspapers strewn about like the inside of a monkey cage at the zoo. Questionable brown stains on the walls, carpets, and furniture. An un-stocked bar. Two visibly shaken barmaids having locked themselves in a cloak room. The only thing on the menu is corn dogs. And a giant map of Peterborough and Carleton University sweatshirts as the new interior design theme. Tim, what have you done to all that was good and sacred?
I must get to work immediately, not only on fixing what you have wrought, but also on a plan to banish you from this special place forever. Fortunately, our head to head match up this week will allow me to do just that. See you on the field, friend-o.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
No coulda/shoulda/woulda this week. You may all rest easy.
State of the League:
Fusco and Ashby are tied on top of the heap. Week 7 will bring a sole member in the leader's lounge as these two foes face off, but who will prevail? In an unrelated note, if anyone would like to make a few bucks by cutting some fibre optic cable to a house on Melrose, please email me directly at ashbymustbestopped@gmail.com .
At the other end of the spectrum lies Devo, 0-6 and in a bad, bad place. He emailed me the other day to ask if I wanted to do a CFL playoff league - he is that desperate and in that dark of a mood. The good news about Devo's situation is that the poll on the league page showed that he will be taking Madge with him in some sort of elaborate murder-suicide pact. Well done, Devo - I appreciate what you're doing for the rest of the league.
And in between lie Sunny/Eric/Pat, Harris (both with 4 game win streaks), and Kev at 4-2. At .500 are Gregor, Madge and Lance. Jeff Alls and Mike D. sit at a sad 2-4. And finally, with just one win from Devo-ville and on a 4 game losing streak is Hauser at 1-5.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 6 brought much joy to my life. It really is the little things in life that one should take pleasure in. Elaborate dinners with expensive wine at the top restaurants are fantastic, but seeing both the undefeated and winless lose are truly enjoyable events. Onto the summary:
Scoring was down a bit this week as nobody really lit it up. Average fell to 92.6 pts from last week's 96.0 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 19.2 as two matches were close (EPS over Ashby and Kev over Lance) and there was just one blow-out (Fusco handing it to Hauser by 48.2 pts).
Performer of The Week:
Fusco, 116.4 pts. It is good to be me. I feel joy.
No honourable mentions as those that cracked triple digits did so only just and really don't deserve to share in my glory.
Senorita Of The Week:
I don't think anyone realizes how much effort it takes to write these summaries. It is a thankless job and Mike D. had been making this part easy as his strangle hold on SOTW meant less work for me. But, as usual, I'm the one who has to sacrifice and take one for the team:
Jay Hauser, your 68.2 points - while not awful - earned you the dis-honour of Senorita. I love it when my opponents are SOTW.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two tight ones this week. First Ashby became a sitting duck as Team Pat/Eric/Sunny were 2.4 points behind going into the MNF game with MJD still to play. The 3-Headed Monster has been surprisingly frisky as of late, got 5 points out of MJD, has strung together a 4 game winning streak AND humbled Ashby by handing him defeat.
Two old foes, Lance Richter of Hamilton and Kevin Andrachuk of Newmarket went head-to-head and came out of it each initially with 91.5 points. The overnight adjustments handed Kevin the victory by 1 pt. Could this change over the coming days???
5-1 Club:
Jeez. I leave for one week and I come back to this?!?!!?!? Toronto Star newspapers strewn about like the inside of a monkey cage at the zoo. Questionable brown stains on the walls, carpets, and furniture. An un-stocked bar. Two visibly shaken barmaids having locked themselves in a cloak room. The only thing on the menu is corn dogs. And a giant map of Peterborough and Carleton University sweatshirts as the new interior design theme. Tim, what have you done to all that was good and sacred?
I must get to work immediately, not only on fixing what you have wrought, but also on a plan to banish you from this special place forever. Fortunately, our head to head match up this week will allow me to do just that. See you on the field, friend-o.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
No coulda/shoulda/woulda this week. You may all rest easy.
State of the League:
Fusco and Ashby are tied on top of the heap. Week 7 will bring a sole member in the leader's lounge as these two foes face off, but who will prevail? In an unrelated note, if anyone would like to make a few bucks by cutting some fibre optic cable to a house on Melrose, please email me directly at ashbymustbestopped@gmail.com .
At the other end of the spectrum lies Devo, 0-6 and in a bad, bad place. He emailed me the other day to ask if I wanted to do a CFL playoff league - he is that desperate and in that dark of a mood. The good news about Devo's situation is that the poll on the league page showed that he will be taking Madge with him in some sort of elaborate murder-suicide pact. Well done, Devo - I appreciate what you're doing for the rest of the league.
And in between lie Sunny/Eric/Pat, Harris (both with 4 game win streaks), and Kev at 4-2. At .500 are Gregor, Madge and Lance. Jeff Alls and Mike D. sit at a sad 2-4. And finally, with just one win from Devo-ville and on a 4 game losing streak is Hauser at 1-5.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Week 5 Summary - Suicide Watch / Fusco Not Happy / Ashby Too Happy
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
My return to Kenya has proven to be most disappointing. It isn't the poverty or the crime or the pollution that has me down, but rather the end of my undefeated streak coupled with the fact that Ashby remains the only team yet to receive a beating. I'll have you all know, that I take no joy in this week's summary. At first, I thought I'd just take my ball and go home, refuse to write a summary and wait until next season, but then I realized it would be my many fans of my so eloquent prose that would pay the price of having to go without. So onto the summary:
Scoring was up this week as 7 teams posted strong scores. Average score jumped to a season high 96.0 pts from last week's 80.3 pts. The average margin of victory grew to 31.35 as three matches were decided by at least 46 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Ashby, 135.4 pts. It pains me to even type about him...
Honourable mentions to Gregor and his 129.3 and Madge (122.1 pts) and Devo (121.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 51.3 pts. That's 4 weeks in a row, Mike. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Week 5: 51.3
Last week I said this was "Not good". Mike, friend, it is getting worse.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three matches decided by less than 12 points this week:
Close was Eric/Sunny/Pat clipping the angry Austrian Hauser by 11.9 pts. Tight was Alls taking Mike D. by 9.4 pts. But tighter than tight and possibly with the result of Devo being put on suicide watch was his loss to Madge by a mere 0.4 pts. Will this stand? Will an adjustment swing this outcome and the emotional pendulum? Will Devo have his belt and shoelaces taken away from him for his own safety?
5-0 Club:
Congratulations to Tim. No, seriously. Way to go, Timbo. I hope you are very happy. I just thank my lucky stars I'm many time zones away and not on BBM to hear/read your gloating. Fortunately, I have also set up an email rule to quickly disperse any communiques from you into my trash folder.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
In the only personnel change that could have made a difference, Devo would probably have played Jones over Tolbert in the RB slot. But, instead, he continues on his winless streak. I guess that is something to be proud of...
State of the League:
No State of The League this Week. Alone in 2nd place blows and, yes, I'm very bitter.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
My return to Kenya has proven to be most disappointing. It isn't the poverty or the crime or the pollution that has me down, but rather the end of my undefeated streak coupled with the fact that Ashby remains the only team yet to receive a beating. I'll have you all know, that I take no joy in this week's summary. At first, I thought I'd just take my ball and go home, refuse to write a summary and wait until next season, but then I realized it would be my many fans of my so eloquent prose that would pay the price of having to go without. So onto the summary:
Scoring was up this week as 7 teams posted strong scores. Average score jumped to a season high 96.0 pts from last week's 80.3 pts. The average margin of victory grew to 31.35 as three matches were decided by at least 46 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Ashby, 135.4 pts. It pains me to even type about him...
Honourable mentions to Gregor and his 129.3 and Madge (122.1 pts) and Devo (121.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 51.3 pts. That's 4 weeks in a row, Mike. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Week 5: 51.3
Last week I said this was "Not good". Mike, friend, it is getting worse.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three matches decided by less than 12 points this week:
Close was Eric/Sunny/Pat clipping the angry Austrian Hauser by 11.9 pts. Tight was Alls taking Mike D. by 9.4 pts. But tighter than tight and possibly with the result of Devo being put on suicide watch was his loss to Madge by a mere 0.4 pts. Will this stand? Will an adjustment swing this outcome and the emotional pendulum? Will Devo have his belt and shoelaces taken away from him for his own safety?
5-0 Club:
Congratulations to Tim. No, seriously. Way to go, Timbo. I hope you are very happy. I just thank my lucky stars I'm many time zones away and not on BBM to hear/read your gloating. Fortunately, I have also set up an email rule to quickly disperse any communiques from you into my trash folder.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
In the only personnel change that could have made a difference, Devo would probably have played Jones over Tolbert in the RB slot. But, instead, he continues on his winless streak. I guess that is something to be proud of...
State of the League:
No State of The League this Week. Alone in 2nd place blows and, yes, I'm very bitter.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Week 4 Summary - Live From Amsterdam!
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
The Week 4 Summary is coming to you live from the KLM Crown Lounge in Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport. Well it started that way and then my flight was called, so call this one the first 3 continent summary. Started in Toronto, filled out in Amsterdam, and finished in Nairobi. I'm in rough shape, so if it makes less sense than usual, please be kind.
900 g box of wine gums? Check. 3 Toblerone bars for EUR13.50? Check. Foreign vitamin water type drink for breakfast? I think that's what I just had.
Week 4 is in the books and the data to support what is quickly becoming a manifesto on excellence continues to pour in. Quite frankly, it is very difficult for me to continue to write glowingly about myself. I just don't like the attention. Maybe I'll tank a week just for kicks...
And now, onto the summary:
Scoring was down this week as byes began and a great deal of individual team suckitude went down. Nobody managed to score over 110 pts and only 3 approached/surpassed triple digits. Yours truly, Kevin, and the recently frisky combo of Eric/Pat/Sunny were the only ones in the century neighbourhood.
Average score fell significantly to just 80.3 pts from last week's healthy 92.3 pts thanks to half the teams scoring fewer than 81 pts. The average margin of victory also fell to 19.2 pts from last week's 24.9 pts despite my utter prison-vet-on-fresh-fish domination of Madge by 41.4 pts.
Performer of The Week:
The surprisingly frisky corpse of Sunny/Eric/Pat posted a week high of 108.6. See what can happen when you don't start guys with broken legs? Honourable mention to Kevin as his was the only other team to break the century mark.
Again, both still remain short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 set by a certain, beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 47.8 pts. That's 3 weeks in a row, Mike. Plus, you suffered a 27.5 fisting by Lance. It turns out that coming out to drink beers and watch football with your friends DOESN'T help. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Not good.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one matches decided by less than 10 points: Kevin squeaked out another win by tossing Jay's salad with some 8.1 pt dressing - a family recipe.
4-0 Club:
Ashby is like a bad stink on an airplane bound for Amsterdam - he lingers. I still contend his inclusion in this club is all smoke and mirrors. He shall be revealed for the fraud that he is. Mark my words. Bye weeks will be very, very, very bad to him.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I bet Mike D. wishes he had started Bradford and his 26.3 instead of Cutler and his 9 sacks, concussion and -4.2. Devo certainly could have used Royal's 17 over, say Colston's 3, in order to avoid the double humiliation of losing to Eric/Pat/Sunny AND remaining winless on the season. And finally, Gregor could have used Orton's 31.5.
State of the League:
4 teams at 1-3, and 1 at 0-4. Pathetic. But somewhat amusing to watch Devo and Madge bottom feeding with Mike D. Not good, gents. Not good.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
The Week 4 Summary is coming to you live from the KLM Crown Lounge in Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport. Well it started that way and then my flight was called, so call this one the first 3 continent summary. Started in Toronto, filled out in Amsterdam, and finished in Nairobi. I'm in rough shape, so if it makes less sense than usual, please be kind.
900 g box of wine gums? Check. 3 Toblerone bars for EUR13.50? Check. Foreign vitamin water type drink for breakfast? I think that's what I just had.
Week 4 is in the books and the data to support what is quickly becoming a manifesto on excellence continues to pour in. Quite frankly, it is very difficult for me to continue to write glowingly about myself. I just don't like the attention. Maybe I'll tank a week just for kicks...
And now, onto the summary:
Scoring was down this week as byes began and a great deal of individual team suckitude went down. Nobody managed to score over 110 pts and only 3 approached/surpassed triple digits. Yours truly, Kevin, and the recently frisky combo of Eric/Pat/Sunny were the only ones in the century neighbourhood.
Average score fell significantly to just 80.3 pts from last week's healthy 92.3 pts thanks to half the teams scoring fewer than 81 pts. The average margin of victory also fell to 19.2 pts from last week's 24.9 pts despite my utter prison-vet-on-fresh-fish domination of Madge by 41.4 pts.
Performer of The Week:
The surprisingly frisky corpse of Sunny/Eric/Pat posted a week high of 108.6. See what can happen when you don't start guys with broken legs? Honourable mention to Kevin as his was the only other team to break the century mark.
Again, both still remain short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 set by a certain, beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 47.8 pts. That's 3 weeks in a row, Mike. Plus, you suffered a 27.5 fisting by Lance. It turns out that coming out to drink beers and watch football with your friends DOESN'T help. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Not good.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one matches decided by less than 10 points: Kevin squeaked out another win by tossing Jay's salad with some 8.1 pt dressing - a family recipe.
4-0 Club:
Ashby is like a bad stink on an airplane bound for Amsterdam - he lingers. I still contend his inclusion in this club is all smoke and mirrors. He shall be revealed for the fraud that he is. Mark my words. Bye weeks will be very, very, very bad to him.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I bet Mike D. wishes he had started Bradford and his 26.3 instead of Cutler and his 9 sacks, concussion and -4.2. Devo certainly could have used Royal's 17 over, say Colston's 3, in order to avoid the double humiliation of losing to Eric/Pat/Sunny AND remaining winless on the season. And finally, Gregor could have used Orton's 31.5.
State of the League:
4 teams at 1-3, and 1 at 0-4. Pathetic. But somewhat amusing to watch Devo and Madge bottom feeding with Mike D. Not good, gents. Not good.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
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