As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Unfortunately, this week's summary was delayed by the grief of falling victim to Mike D. as my team simply gave up. The depression is so deep that I don't even know if watching my staff perform their day to day tasks such as making my bed, washing my car, and cleaning my home will even entertain me in the least. Sigh. Life is tough. For a glimpse into my emotional state, please watch the following, not safe for work, clip that portrays it perfectly:
And now, onto this week's summary:
Week 14 finalized it all. It separated the lucky from the cursed and the cursed from the inept. Just 2 teams made it into triple digits and only 2 close ones this week. The average score fell to 90.4 points from last week's 94.1 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 18.2 points.
Performer of The Week:
Lance Richter, 122.5 pts. His second week in a row with 120+ pts. Not that it matters. Not that anything matters anymore...
Honourable mention to Tim Ashby and his 117.5 points.
Senorita Of The Week:
Jay Hauser, 64.8 points. Way to let Harris salvage his season. Hauser, you are dead to me.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
2 close ones this week as my spiral into the depths of fantasy football continued by falling to Mike D by 7.4 points because my team couldn't find their cleats let alone tie them up and play football. Let me tell you, there's nothing like a 4 game losing streak to end the regular season. It's quite special. Almost as special as listening to Mike D. relive an episode of the Cosby Show.
As alluded to in an earlier and angry email, Gregor started a kicker that did not even travel with his team. It was well publicized days before the game, yet he still chose UFC over football. This abortion of team management allowed the mighty Jeff Alls and his Dallas Trainwreck to secure the victory by 1.8 points and finish at a coin toss like .500 on the year. Well played Georges St-Mis-Management.
The 9-5 Club:
Joining Madge and Eric/Pat/Sunny in the club is Lawrence Park's favourite curler, Tim Ashby who beat Madge in a playoff preview. Congratulations to you all. May you choke on the complimentary bar snacks.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
The Ravens' 16 or Lance Moore's 13 could have kept the dark clouds at bay for your beloved Commissioner.
And again, and perhaps to belabour a point, but had Gregor started virtually any kicker that, you know, played last week, he could have won.
State of The League:
Here's how it finished, write your own clever commentary:
DIVISION 1
TEAM W L T PCT GB
T-Dot Triple Threat 9 5 0 .643 --
FAST BOWLERS 9 5 0 .643 --
The Blue Steel Dynasty 9 5 0 .643 --
Robert Pryce 8 6 0 .571 1
Team Tap Out 8 6 0 .571 1
Eastside Rip and Run 7 7 0 .500 2
Creepy Glen Bishop 7 7 0 .500 2
Inglorious Bastards 7 7 0 .500 2
Dallas Trainwreck 7 7 0 .500 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 5 9 0 .357 4
Gentleman's Intermission 4 10 0 .286 5
Team Cryptkeeper 4 10 0 .286 5
The Commissioner's office will be closed until August 2011. That is, should we have a football season next year. Please send your comments, requests, and other distractions to someone that cares.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Week 13 Summary - Highs and Lows / Outside Looking In / Fading / Surging
As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Unfortunately, this week's summary was delayed by the grief of being the victim of Devo's dead cat bounce and the overall bed-crappery of the NY Jets on MNF. Also causing the delay were Nairobi's occasional power outages due to rain. That's right, a little bit of rain and the lights go out. So until I rig up a giant hamster wheel for the staff to run on to power my gadgets and communications lines to the first world, these delays may happen. Onto this week's summary:
Week 13 brought much heartbreak and much joy to our Fantasy Football island. Five teams managed to make it into triple digits and we had three close ones this week. The average score stayed at 94.1 pts - the first time that's ever happened. And the average margin of victory grew slightly to 23.1 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Tim Ashby, 128.4 pts. And with a flurry of a 66.9 point beat down on the continuing to fade into oblivion James Harris.
Honourable mention to Lance with 120.6 and Eric/Pat/Sunny and their 110.1 pts. Please note my continued protest to their inclusion in this section, and for that matter, in this league.
Senorita Of The Week:
Jamie Harris, 61.5 points. Hey, at least that's 0.2 pts higher than what earned you this least coveted title last week.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three close ones this week as Eric/Pat/Sunny used a 42.1 pt Brady performance on Monday night to come from behind and clip Gregor by 7.9 points. Kevin managed to just squeeze by Mike D. by 5 pts and the tables turned on Hauser this week as he lost to Madge by 4.4 points.
The 9-4 Club:
Remaining in the lounge are Madge and Eric/Pat/Sunny. With just 1 week to play, it looks as though you can rest a little easier as you are both in the playoffs. I hope that case of scotch that was delivered is safe to drink....
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Hauser could have used Woodhead's 11 instead of Bowe's 0, Mike D. could have used Fasano's 10, and Gregor could have used Meachem's 19. Harris was beyond help.
State of The League:
It's almost over, folks. Just 1 more week until the playoffs and here's how it stands:
Madge and the Eric/Pat/Sunny combo are in. Seeding TBD.
Since I don't really know how the tiebreaker works, I'll say Ashby is in - FOR NOW. And then there is the mess at 7-6: Gregor, Fusco, Kevin and Harris. Gregor is in the catbird seat - again, I don't know why, but he is ranked at the top of this tie. Fusco has started smoking as his chances at making a playoff spot are thin, but he does play Mike D. this week. Kevin is, as usual, late to the party, but could get in with help and Harris shouldn't get his hopes up.
As for the rest of you, let me now express my disappointment in you all. Jeff and Lance, will you guys even make it to .500? Devo, Mike D., and Hauser - based on schedule, it is possible for you to all be in double digits in the loss column.
As always, worst of luck to you all.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Unfortunately, this week's summary was delayed by the grief of being the victim of Devo's dead cat bounce and the overall bed-crappery of the NY Jets on MNF. Also causing the delay were Nairobi's occasional power outages due to rain. That's right, a little bit of rain and the lights go out. So until I rig up a giant hamster wheel for the staff to run on to power my gadgets and communications lines to the first world, these delays may happen. Onto this week's summary:
Week 13 brought much heartbreak and much joy to our Fantasy Football island. Five teams managed to make it into triple digits and we had three close ones this week. The average score stayed at 94.1 pts - the first time that's ever happened. And the average margin of victory grew slightly to 23.1 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Tim Ashby, 128.4 pts. And with a flurry of a 66.9 point beat down on the continuing to fade into oblivion James Harris.
Honourable mention to Lance with 120.6 and Eric/Pat/Sunny and their 110.1 pts. Please note my continued protest to their inclusion in this section, and for that matter, in this league.
Senorita Of The Week:
Jamie Harris, 61.5 points. Hey, at least that's 0.2 pts higher than what earned you this least coveted title last week.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three close ones this week as Eric/Pat/Sunny used a 42.1 pt Brady performance on Monday night to come from behind and clip Gregor by 7.9 points. Kevin managed to just squeeze by Mike D. by 5 pts and the tables turned on Hauser this week as he lost to Madge by 4.4 points.
The 9-4 Club:
Remaining in the lounge are Madge and Eric/Pat/Sunny. With just 1 week to play, it looks as though you can rest a little easier as you are both in the playoffs. I hope that case of scotch that was delivered is safe to drink....
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Hauser could have used Woodhead's 11 instead of Bowe's 0, Mike D. could have used Fasano's 10, and Gregor could have used Meachem's 19. Harris was beyond help.
State of The League:
It's almost over, folks. Just 1 more week until the playoffs and here's how it stands:
Madge and the Eric/Pat/Sunny combo are in. Seeding TBD.
Since I don't really know how the tiebreaker works, I'll say Ashby is in - FOR NOW. And then there is the mess at 7-6: Gregor, Fusco, Kevin and Harris. Gregor is in the catbird seat - again, I don't know why, but he is ranked at the top of this tie. Fusco has started smoking as his chances at making a playoff spot are thin, but he does play Mike D. this week. Kevin is, as usual, late to the party, but could get in with help and Harris shouldn't get his hopes up.
As for the rest of you, let me now express my disappointment in you all. Jeff and Lance, will you guys even make it to .500? Devo, Mike D., and Hauser - based on schedule, it is possible for you to all be in double digits in the loss column.
As always, worst of luck to you all.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Week 12 Summary - Leaders' Lounge Access Restricted / Outside Looking In / Varying Degrees Of Fight Left
As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 12 brought much change to our Fantasy Football island including a mass exodus from the leaders lounge. Only three teams managed to make it into triple digits and just one close match this week. The average score came in at 94.1 pts, down from last week's 109.9. The average margin of victory narrowed to 20.9 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk, 120.5 pts. Where did that come from? Way to cast off the matching heels and purse. But why against me, Kevin? Why?
Honourable mention to Eric/Pat/Sunny and their 114.1 pts. But really shouldn't that only count as 38.03 points each???
Senorita Of The Week:
Jamie Harris, 61.3 points. Way to get kicked out of the Leaders' Lounge in a classy way, James. Limping out just like you limped in. Please ask Kevin for the heels and purse.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one close one this week as Hauser went biblical on Ashby and took the victory by a mere 4.6 points. I'm not sure if the rest of you saw this, but I heard the winner of this match is allowed to teabag the loser. I guess for this pair, nobody loses. Except for Tim.
The 8-4 Club:
Unfortunately, this week was a bit like a Chinese Fire Drill in the Leaders' Lounge as many members were shown the exit. Some unceremoniously, such as Harris and Ashby who had no right to be there. And others, such as Matthew J. Fusco, were flown out respectfully in the club's Gulfstream. This tradition for only the most deserving of members is in the same vein as when a president leaves office and is allowed to take Air Force 1 home one last time.
Remaining in the lounge are Madge and Eric/Pat/Sunny. But just outside, lives a pack of ravenous dogs waiting to strike. Don't rest too comfortably...
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Lance could have used Cassel's 39.2. I'm just saying.
State of The League:
It ain't over, folks. The 4 playoff spots are up in the air. Oh wait. Actually, it is over for some of the league. I'm afraid Lance has joined the deadpool currently filled with the floating corpses of Mike D., Hauser, and Devo. In case you guys didn't know, there is just 2 games to go before the playoffs and you are at least 3 games behind.
As for the rest of us, 8 teams are playing for 4 playoff spots. Can Kevin and Jeff run the table and give themselves a shot? Or will they just hang around enough to bother some of the real contenders. We all know Harris is destined to plummet down the standings and probably won't see another win this year and settle at 7-7.
Ashby is cursed and doomed to miss the playoffs, and Gregor has squeaked his way into contention.
2 more weeks. Can Fusco keep it together???
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 12 brought much change to our Fantasy Football island including a mass exodus from the leaders lounge. Only three teams managed to make it into triple digits and just one close match this week. The average score came in at 94.1 pts, down from last week's 109.9. The average margin of victory narrowed to 20.9 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk, 120.5 pts. Where did that come from? Way to cast off the matching heels and purse. But why against me, Kevin? Why?
Honourable mention to Eric/Pat/Sunny and their 114.1 pts. But really shouldn't that only count as 38.03 points each???
Senorita Of The Week:
Jamie Harris, 61.3 points. Way to get kicked out of the Leaders' Lounge in a classy way, James. Limping out just like you limped in. Please ask Kevin for the heels and purse.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one close one this week as Hauser went biblical on Ashby and took the victory by a mere 4.6 points. I'm not sure if the rest of you saw this, but I heard the winner of this match is allowed to teabag the loser. I guess for this pair, nobody loses. Except for Tim.
The 8-4 Club:
Unfortunately, this week was a bit like a Chinese Fire Drill in the Leaders' Lounge as many members were shown the exit. Some unceremoniously, such as Harris and Ashby who had no right to be there. And others, such as Matthew J. Fusco, were flown out respectfully in the club's Gulfstream. This tradition for only the most deserving of members is in the same vein as when a president leaves office and is allowed to take Air Force 1 home one last time.
Remaining in the lounge are Madge and Eric/Pat/Sunny. But just outside, lives a pack of ravenous dogs waiting to strike. Don't rest too comfortably...
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Lance could have used Cassel's 39.2. I'm just saying.
State of The League:
It ain't over, folks. The 4 playoff spots are up in the air. Oh wait. Actually, it is over for some of the league. I'm afraid Lance has joined the deadpool currently filled with the floating corpses of Mike D., Hauser, and Devo. In case you guys didn't know, there is just 2 games to go before the playoffs and you are at least 3 games behind.
As for the rest of us, 8 teams are playing for 4 playoff spots. Can Kevin and Jeff run the table and give themselves a shot? Or will they just hang around enough to bother some of the real contenders. We all know Harris is destined to plummet down the standings and probably won't see another win this year and settle at 7-7.
Ashby is cursed and doomed to miss the playoffs, and Gregor has squeaked his way into contention.
2 more weeks. Can Fusco keep it together???
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Week 11 Summary - Points Everywhere Again / Harris Still Fading / Close Ones / Not So Lonely At The Top
As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
There were lots of points to go around this week as the bye weeks have ended and owners seem to have a good feel for who will put up the points. Scoring jumped yet again this week as 8 teams made it into triple digits and all but 2 cleared the 90 pt hurdle. The average rose again to 102.9 pts from last week's 99.7 pts. The average margin of victory stayed healthy, but slipped a bit to 26.8 pts from last week's 28.4 pts as we had 3 close ones and 3 matches decided by more than 40 pts. Which is a lot.
Performer of The Week:
Devin Mackesy, 136.2 pts. Where did that come from? Rodgers' 43.2 certainly helped.
Honourable mentions to Ashby (125.9) and Madge (120.9).
Senorita Of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk, 69.9 points. Not horrible, but low enough to score you the purse and matching heels. And a 56 point shellacking at the hands of Ashby. This just in from Kevin's PR department:
Please note that Mr. Andrachuk's first and only real love is Basketball. He is devoting all his energies to managing his fantasy team in that sport. Due to his fantasy football team's players' inability to execute to the level that Mr. Andrachuk demands, he has little time to even answer emails from those related to fantasy football.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three close ones this week as Eric/Pat/Sunny clipped my bunch of bed-crappers by 9.7, and Hauser took Mike D. a little too lightly and was beaten by 1.3 pts (P.S. Parade for Mike D's victory in Little Italy on Thursday - Sangwiches and Brio for everybody!) and best of the best, Alls clipped Harris by exactly 1 point despite Harris' pleas to the ESPN score keepers for an overnight adjustment. Such behaviour is most unbecoming of a leaders lounge member. His status was never permanent, but you can rest assured that his membership is under review.
The 7-4 Club:
This once sacred space has taken on the charm of an all-you-can-eat Las Vegas buffet. Membership has swelled to an uncomfortable count of 5. Eric/Pat/Sunny - you'll only be allowed in one at a time. Ashby, we've arranged for a Hello Kitty Litter box for you in the corner, and Madge will be required to cuddle/rear-naked choke with Harris due to space considerations. I have locked myself in the spacious and luxuriously appointed liquor locker and hope to wait out these barbarians that have somehow found their way far beyond my gate.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Harris could have used Lee Evans' 7 points, as you may recall, he lost by just 1 point.
Hauser could have used Holmes' 25 or even Woodhead's 14, as he also lost by just a little bit (1.3 points in this case).
State of The League:
Just 4 spots for 5 teams at 7-4: Eric/Pat/Sunny, Ashby, Madge, Harris and Fusco. I hear they're thinking of making an "It gets better" video. High stakes musical chairs.
On the outside, looking in at 6-5: Jeff and Gregor. Puncher's chance.
Talking fantasy basketball trades at 5-6: Lance and Kevin. See you next year.
Fodder for the weekly summary at 3-8: Mike D., Hauser, and Devo.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
There were lots of points to go around this week as the bye weeks have ended and owners seem to have a good feel for who will put up the points. Scoring jumped yet again this week as 8 teams made it into triple digits and all but 2 cleared the 90 pt hurdle. The average rose again to 102.9 pts from last week's 99.7 pts. The average margin of victory stayed healthy, but slipped a bit to 26.8 pts from last week's 28.4 pts as we had 3 close ones and 3 matches decided by more than 40 pts. Which is a lot.
Performer of The Week:
Devin Mackesy, 136.2 pts. Where did that come from? Rodgers' 43.2 certainly helped.
Honourable mentions to Ashby (125.9) and Madge (120.9).
Senorita Of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk, 69.9 points. Not horrible, but low enough to score you the purse and matching heels. And a 56 point shellacking at the hands of Ashby. This just in from Kevin's PR department:
Please note that Mr. Andrachuk's first and only real love is Basketball. He is devoting all his energies to managing his fantasy team in that sport. Due to his fantasy football team's players' inability to execute to the level that Mr. Andrachuk demands, he has little time to even answer emails from those related to fantasy football.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three close ones this week as Eric/Pat/Sunny clipped my bunch of bed-crappers by 9.7, and Hauser took Mike D. a little too lightly and was beaten by 1.3 pts (P.S. Parade for Mike D's victory in Little Italy on Thursday - Sangwiches and Brio for everybody!) and best of the best, Alls clipped Harris by exactly 1 point despite Harris' pleas to the ESPN score keepers for an overnight adjustment. Such behaviour is most unbecoming of a leaders lounge member. His status was never permanent, but you can rest assured that his membership is under review.
The 7-4 Club:
This once sacred space has taken on the charm of an all-you-can-eat Las Vegas buffet. Membership has swelled to an uncomfortable count of 5. Eric/Pat/Sunny - you'll only be allowed in one at a time. Ashby, we've arranged for a Hello Kitty Litter box for you in the corner, and Madge will be required to cuddle/rear-naked choke with Harris due to space considerations. I have locked myself in the spacious and luxuriously appointed liquor locker and hope to wait out these barbarians that have somehow found their way far beyond my gate.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Harris could have used Lee Evans' 7 points, as you may recall, he lost by just 1 point.
Hauser could have used Holmes' 25 or even Woodhead's 14, as he also lost by just a little bit (1.3 points in this case).
State of The League:
Just 4 spots for 5 teams at 7-4: Eric/Pat/Sunny, Ashby, Madge, Harris and Fusco. I hear they're thinking of making an "It gets better" video. High stakes musical chairs.
On the outside, looking in at 6-5: Jeff and Gregor. Puncher's chance.
Talking fantasy basketball trades at 5-6: Lance and Kevin. See you next year.
Fodder for the weekly summary at 3-8: Mike D., Hauser, and Devo.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Week 10 Summary - Points Everywhere / Harris Fading / Conflicted Dog Lovers / Gregor On A Run / Double Secret Defensive Penalty
As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Scoring jumped a bunch this week as 7 teams made it into triple digits and 5 teams cleared the 120 pt mark. The average rose considerably to 99.7 pts from last week's 85.1 pts. The average margin of victory grew to 28.4 pts from last week's 23.9 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, 145 points. Many thanks to Michael Vick and his massive 63 points - just look at his line:
STARTERS: OFFENSIVE PLAYERS WK 10 PASSING RUSHING RECEIVING MISC TOTAL
SLOT PLAYER, TEAM POS OPP STATUS ET C/A YDS TD INT RUSH YDS TD REC YDS TD 2PC FUML RTD PTS
QB Michael Vick, Phi QB
@Was
W 59-28 20/28 333 4 0 8 80 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 63
I think that even dog lovers might be ok with him on their teams now. What's a little pitting animal against animal for gambling purposes anyways?
Honourable mentions to Pat/Eric/Sunny (138.2), Hauser (131.1 in a losing effort), Mike D. (128, also in a loss and payback for starting bye week players last week) and Fusco (124.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Jason Madge, 46.9 points. This could have been 56.9 points, but you got slapped with the sneaky -10 for starting a defence that allowed more than 45 points. My favourite scoring rule in our league. It is a rare occurrence, but always fun to see. Also, it would appear as though you attended Mike D's roster management seminar as you started a kicker on a bye week. I think I'll start taking 10 pts from anybody that starts a player on a bye. I sense things are falling apart at the Blue Steel HQ.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
No close one this week as nothing was decided by less than 10 points.
The 7-3 Club:
Harris continued his fading ways this week by posting a mere 55.7 points in his loss to Kevin. As I've been saying for weeks, he simply doesn't deserve his key to the leaders' lounge. Fortunately, I'm back in the lounge and after reviewing the security footage of the last week, am saddened to tell you about the many, many rear naked chokes caught on film. And I emphasize the word "naked". This much man-wrestling can't be good and my presence will put a stop to it. I'll have to re-hire the female waitstaff and maybe Jamie's HR expertise will allow us to escape litigation as we terminate his man-servants. After reviewing the deliveries of the last week, I'm shocked to see this much Vaseline in one place. Fortunately for all, I don't see Harris staying much longer as his rapidly declining scoring line would allow him to lose most match-ups, except for maybe one against Madge.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Eric/Pat/Sunny, Tom Brady on the bench with 44. Fortunately a strong showing by your kicker and defence on MNF saved you from a belittling here. But still, Mr. Brady on the bench??? I suggest keeping him there for some time.
Lance left Cassel and his 52.3 pts on the bench, but didn't need them against Madge.
What can I say? There wasn't much to chastise people for this week.
State of The League:
Harris - It is over, James. Your time in the spotlight has come to an end. Now, please let the grown-ups play their game.
Fusco - Doing much better emotionally this week, although still disgusted by Harris' presence in the leaders' lounge.
Gregor, Eric/Pat/Sunny, Ashby, and Madge - all tied at 6-4. Gregor on a 3 game winning streak and riding the high that is 63 pts from your QB. EPS is the steady hand at the wheel, still a little under the radar, but hanging around. Ashby and Madge - what you both did this week is nothing to be proud of. Is this the beginning of your fade into oblivion?
Lance, Jeff, and Kevin. 5-5.
Hauser, 3-7. The lesson learned here is, never, ever think you've got it won. Haus must be near suicidal after that loss.
Mike D. and Devo at 2-8. But one of them is actually happy to have made it to 2 wins.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Scoring jumped a bunch this week as 7 teams made it into triple digits and 5 teams cleared the 120 pt mark. The average rose considerably to 99.7 pts from last week's 85.1 pts. The average margin of victory grew to 28.4 pts from last week's 23.9 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, 145 points. Many thanks to Michael Vick and his massive 63 points - just look at his line:
STARTERS: OFFENSIVE PLAYERS WK 10 PASSING RUSHING RECEIVING MISC TOTAL
SLOT PLAYER, TEAM POS OPP STATUS ET C/A YDS TD INT RUSH YDS TD REC YDS TD 2PC FUML RTD PTS
QB Michael Vick, Phi QB
@Was
W 59-28 20/28 333 4 0 8 80 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 63
I think that even dog lovers might be ok with him on their teams now. What's a little pitting animal against animal for gambling purposes anyways?
Honourable mentions to Pat/Eric/Sunny (138.2), Hauser (131.1 in a losing effort), Mike D. (128, also in a loss and payback for starting bye week players last week) and Fusco (124.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Jason Madge, 46.9 points. This could have been 56.9 points, but you got slapped with the sneaky -10 for starting a defence that allowed more than 45 points. My favourite scoring rule in our league. It is a rare occurrence, but always fun to see. Also, it would appear as though you attended Mike D's roster management seminar as you started a kicker on a bye week. I think I'll start taking 10 pts from anybody that starts a player on a bye. I sense things are falling apart at the Blue Steel HQ.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
No close one this week as nothing was decided by less than 10 points.
The 7-3 Club:
Harris continued his fading ways this week by posting a mere 55.7 points in his loss to Kevin. As I've been saying for weeks, he simply doesn't deserve his key to the leaders' lounge. Fortunately, I'm back in the lounge and after reviewing the security footage of the last week, am saddened to tell you about the many, many rear naked chokes caught on film. And I emphasize the word "naked". This much man-wrestling can't be good and my presence will put a stop to it. I'll have to re-hire the female waitstaff and maybe Jamie's HR expertise will allow us to escape litigation as we terminate his man-servants. After reviewing the deliveries of the last week, I'm shocked to see this much Vaseline in one place. Fortunately for all, I don't see Harris staying much longer as his rapidly declining scoring line would allow him to lose most match-ups, except for maybe one against Madge.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Eric/Pat/Sunny, Tom Brady on the bench with 44. Fortunately a strong showing by your kicker and defence on MNF saved you from a belittling here. But still, Mr. Brady on the bench??? I suggest keeping him there for some time.
Lance left Cassel and his 52.3 pts on the bench, but didn't need them against Madge.
What can I say? There wasn't much to chastise people for this week.
State of The League:
Harris - It is over, James. Your time in the spotlight has come to an end. Now, please let the grown-ups play their game.
Fusco - Doing much better emotionally this week, although still disgusted by Harris' presence in the leaders' lounge.
Gregor, Eric/Pat/Sunny, Ashby, and Madge - all tied at 6-4. Gregor on a 3 game winning streak and riding the high that is 63 pts from your QB. EPS is the steady hand at the wheel, still a little under the radar, but hanging around. Ashby and Madge - what you both did this week is nothing to be proud of. Is this the beginning of your fade into oblivion?
Lance, Jeff, and Kevin. 5-5.
Hauser, 3-7. The lesson learned here is, never, ever think you've got it won. Haus must be near suicidal after that loss.
Mike D. and Devo at 2-8. But one of them is actually happy to have made it to 2 wins.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Week 9 Summary - Africa Has Problems / New Lone Leader / Devo Dominates Defeats / Mike D. Reaches a New Low
As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
A brief editorial note prior to this week's summary: Africa has problems. War, famine, poverty, HIV/Aids. You name it, and it is here. But, as you all know, despite the fact I so rarely put myself into this column, I'd like to tell you about the African plight I experienced first hand this weekend. My internet access was down. It was down all weekend and I was unable to start Brett Favre. While I had no idea he would play that well, I knew he'd do at least OK as he was playing Mike D's beloved Arizona Cardinals. Personally, I feel as though my years of effort and hard work have built up enough credibility to simply change the outcome of my match against Gregor, as we all know I should have won. But I don't think that would lend credence to the fine tradition and expectations of this league. So I'll take my lumps and secretly resent you all as the rest of the season plays out. But for now, onto the summary:
Scoring stayed low this week, but the average rose slightly to 85.1 pts from last week's 84.4 pts, as once again, only 2 teams managed to score in the triple digits. The average margin of victory narrowed to 23.9 pts from last week's 25.6 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Madger the Angry Badger takes it again this week with 121 points. Sadly, he was mostly quiet this week as it seemed as though his hatred for Ashby went on a little holiday. I expect the angry rhetoric to heat up again as they are now tied in the standings at 6-3 along with the rotting corpse and technical difficulties that is yours truly.
Honourable mention to Jeff and his 117.1 pts, the only other team to makeit over 100 pts.
Senorita Of The Week:
This wasn't even close as Mike D. crapped not only his matrimonial bed, but perhaps the bed of his daughter as well. 46.7 pts with bye week players in 2 starting positions. You have a blackberry, use it to set your line-up. This isn't rocket surgery. At least pretend to give a shit like you do in front of clients during "the largest purchase of their lives"...
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two close ones this week as Gregor violated my recently deceased body of a team by 8.5 points and Birthday boy Jamie Harris was the beneficiary of an overnight scoring adjustment that gave him a victory by 1.2 pts over Eric/Pat/Sunny and sole possession of first place.
The 7-2 Club:
I woke this morning to see that Harris was just losing to Eric/Pat/Sunny. It was a pleasant way to start my day. Sadly, this feeling was short-lived as when I checked back in after the overnight processing, my fears had come true. A slight point adjustment gave Harris the slight victory and the only key to the leader's lounge. What can I say? Despite his 7 game winning streak, he has no right to be in the lounge. You betcha I'm pissed. His last 2 weeks have been terrible and not leader-worthy. But the worst part of it all is that he will be putting Tap Out and UFC posters everywhere and charging the leader's lounge with so-much homo-erotic energy that there will be no way to keep Ashby and Madge out of there. Get ready for all-shirtless man-wrestling all of the time.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Please see above explanation re: Lack of internet access, Farve and his 38.6 pts. A very sad week.
State of The League:
Harris - He has limped into the leader's lounge on a 7 game winning streak after starting 0-2. This ends. Soon.
Fusco - Not doing well emotionally. Sharing 2nd place with Ashby and Madge is not a happy place for him. Ashby and Madge must be thrilled to be mentioned in the same paragraph as Fusco.
Gregor, Jeff, and Eric/Pat/Sunny - all tied at 5-3. Nobody really has the eye of the tiger here. I blame Pat as all his energy is going towards growing a moustache for Movember.
Lance and Kevin. 4-5. I guess you guys must really be focusing on your other fantasy teams now that the NBA season has started.
Hauser is showing signs of life at 3-6. If, by life you mean he has lost twice as many games as he has won.
Mike D. at 2-7. A sad effort this week, Mike. I've been disappointed yet again, even despite my incredibly low expectations for you.
Devo, 1-8. No words.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
A brief editorial note prior to this week's summary: Africa has problems. War, famine, poverty, HIV/Aids. You name it, and it is here. But, as you all know, despite the fact I so rarely put myself into this column, I'd like to tell you about the African plight I experienced first hand this weekend. My internet access was down. It was down all weekend and I was unable to start Brett Favre. While I had no idea he would play that well, I knew he'd do at least OK as he was playing Mike D's beloved Arizona Cardinals. Personally, I feel as though my years of effort and hard work have built up enough credibility to simply change the outcome of my match against Gregor, as we all know I should have won. But I don't think that would lend credence to the fine tradition and expectations of this league. So I'll take my lumps and secretly resent you all as the rest of the season plays out. But for now, onto the summary:
Scoring stayed low this week, but the average rose slightly to 85.1 pts from last week's 84.4 pts, as once again, only 2 teams managed to score in the triple digits. The average margin of victory narrowed to 23.9 pts from last week's 25.6 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Madger the Angry Badger takes it again this week with 121 points. Sadly, he was mostly quiet this week as it seemed as though his hatred for Ashby went on a little holiday. I expect the angry rhetoric to heat up again as they are now tied in the standings at 6-3 along with the rotting corpse and technical difficulties that is yours truly.
Honourable mention to Jeff and his 117.1 pts, the only other team to makeit over 100 pts.
Senorita Of The Week:
This wasn't even close as Mike D. crapped not only his matrimonial bed, but perhaps the bed of his daughter as well. 46.7 pts with bye week players in 2 starting positions. You have a blackberry, use it to set your line-up. This isn't rocket surgery. At least pretend to give a shit like you do in front of clients during "the largest purchase of their lives"...
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two close ones this week as Gregor violated my recently deceased body of a team by 8.5 points and Birthday boy Jamie Harris was the beneficiary of an overnight scoring adjustment that gave him a victory by 1.2 pts over Eric/Pat/Sunny and sole possession of first place.
The 7-2 Club:
I woke this morning to see that Harris was just losing to Eric/Pat/Sunny. It was a pleasant way to start my day. Sadly, this feeling was short-lived as when I checked back in after the overnight processing, my fears had come true. A slight point adjustment gave Harris the slight victory and the only key to the leader's lounge. What can I say? Despite his 7 game winning streak, he has no right to be in the lounge. You betcha I'm pissed. His last 2 weeks have been terrible and not leader-worthy. But the worst part of it all is that he will be putting Tap Out and UFC posters everywhere and charging the leader's lounge with so-much homo-erotic energy that there will be no way to keep Ashby and Madge out of there. Get ready for all-shirtless man-wrestling all of the time.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Please see above explanation re: Lack of internet access, Farve and his 38.6 pts. A very sad week.
State of The League:
Harris - He has limped into the leader's lounge on a 7 game winning streak after starting 0-2. This ends. Soon.
Fusco - Not doing well emotionally. Sharing 2nd place with Ashby and Madge is not a happy place for him. Ashby and Madge must be thrilled to be mentioned in the same paragraph as Fusco.
Gregor, Jeff, and Eric/Pat/Sunny - all tied at 5-3. Nobody really has the eye of the tiger here. I blame Pat as all his energy is going towards growing a moustache for Movember.
Lance and Kevin. 4-5. I guess you guys must really be focusing on your other fantasy teams now that the NBA season has started.
Hauser is showing signs of life at 3-6. If, by life you mean he has lost twice as many games as he has won.
Mike D. at 2-7. A sad effort this week, Mike. I've been disappointed yet again, even despite my incredibly low expectations for you.
Devo, 1-8. No words.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Week 8 Summary - The End of An Era / Harris?!?!?! / Devo Defeated and Back In The Basement All Alone
As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
A brief editorial note prior to this week's summary: As regular readers will know, my retirement has allowed me to provide such regular and excellent content to you due to a dedication of man hours and a desire to not not just share my innermost thoughts and emotions, but to entertain as well. Well, in what can only be considered rather sad news, my retirement has ended. I have taken a job running a furniture factory in the industrial area of Nairobi. The end of retirement is just one week old, but I trust you'll understand that the long hours spent at the office will result in a later than usual delivery time of this fine publication. But for now, onto the summary:
Scoring dropped sharply this week as only 2 teams managed to score in the triple digits. Combine that with 2 scores in the 50's and you the average drops all the way to 84.4 pts from last week's 101.3 pts. This was an ugly week with lots of players on bye weeks and of course the fantasy death of both my original QBs. The average margin of victory, however grew slightly again to 25.6 pts from 21.7 pts as 3 matches were decided by 30+ pts and just one close one this week.
Performer of The Week:
Madger the Angry Badger, 118.6 points. His fight with Tim will continue and we shall all be amused.
Honourable mention to Gregor (106.8), the only other team to make it over 100 pts.
Senorita Of The Week:
This was actually the closest contest this week as Devo's score of 57.5 was able to squeak just below a name seen often in this space - Mike D. and his 58.7 pts. Well done Devo, you suck.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just the one close one this week as Jeff clipped Kevin by 2.2 pts. I predict Kevin's only solace will be in European clothing sized for Asians. Think about it.
The 6-2 Club:
I was so over-joyed at defeating Ashby last week that I must admit that I wasn't quite looking in the rear-view mirror. And much to my surprise, Harris has snuck into the leader's lounge. I'll play nicely as he's new to this kind of thing. I'll maybe even give him a few tips like which fork to use and how easy it is to beat Ashby.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk could have used Michael Bush AGAIN this week. Or even Ryan Matthews.
State of The League:
Fusco - Still good and leading. But his leadership, much like his grip on reality is slipping away.
Harris - Surprisingly frisky and good. Although, less good than Fusco.
Ashby, Madge, and Eric/Pat/Sunny - tied for 3rd place at 5-3. Ashby on the slippery slope. EPS - thankful for this week to be over as I've never seen that many guys on a bye week. And then there's Madge. No comment on Madge.
Gregor, Lance, Jeff, and Kevin. .500 hundred. Heads or tails?
Hauser and Mike D. at 2-6. I'm surprised you guys haven't swallowed a revolver yet. This, friends, is bad. Intervention time.
Devo, 1-7. Wow. That's nearly Kevin Andrachuk bad.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
A brief editorial note prior to this week's summary: As regular readers will know, my retirement has allowed me to provide such regular and excellent content to you due to a dedication of man hours and a desire to not not just share my innermost thoughts and emotions, but to entertain as well. Well, in what can only be considered rather sad news, my retirement has ended. I have taken a job running a furniture factory in the industrial area of Nairobi. The end of retirement is just one week old, but I trust you'll understand that the long hours spent at the office will result in a later than usual delivery time of this fine publication. But for now, onto the summary:
Scoring dropped sharply this week as only 2 teams managed to score in the triple digits. Combine that with 2 scores in the 50's and you the average drops all the way to 84.4 pts from last week's 101.3 pts. This was an ugly week with lots of players on bye weeks and of course the fantasy death of both my original QBs. The average margin of victory, however grew slightly again to 25.6 pts from 21.7 pts as 3 matches were decided by 30+ pts and just one close one this week.
Performer of The Week:
Madger the Angry Badger, 118.6 points. His fight with Tim will continue and we shall all be amused.
Honourable mention to Gregor (106.8), the only other team to make it over 100 pts.
Senorita Of The Week:
This was actually the closest contest this week as Devo's score of 57.5 was able to squeak just below a name seen often in this space - Mike D. and his 58.7 pts. Well done Devo, you suck.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just the one close one this week as Jeff clipped Kevin by 2.2 pts. I predict Kevin's only solace will be in European clothing sized for Asians. Think about it.
The 6-2 Club:
I was so over-joyed at defeating Ashby last week that I must admit that I wasn't quite looking in the rear-view mirror. And much to my surprise, Harris has snuck into the leader's lounge. I'll play nicely as he's new to this kind of thing. I'll maybe even give him a few tips like which fork to use and how easy it is to beat Ashby.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk could have used Michael Bush AGAIN this week. Or even Ryan Matthews.
State of The League:
Fusco - Still good and leading. But his leadership, much like his grip on reality is slipping away.
Harris - Surprisingly frisky and good. Although, less good than Fusco.
Ashby, Madge, and Eric/Pat/Sunny - tied for 3rd place at 5-3. Ashby on the slippery slope. EPS - thankful for this week to be over as I've never seen that many guys on a bye week. And then there's Madge. No comment on Madge.
Gregor, Lance, Jeff, and Kevin. .500 hundred. Heads or tails?
Hauser and Mike D. at 2-6. I'm surprised you guys haven't swallowed a revolver yet. This, friends, is bad. Intervention time.
Devo, 1-7. Wow. That's nearly Kevin Andrachuk bad.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Week 7 Summary - High Scores And One Very Low Score / Lone Leader / Devo Defeated No Longer
As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 7 continued to bring much joy to my life. However, I fear this joy may be short-lived as its source, a victory over the much despised Tim Ashby was a costly one for my team. More on this sad, sad story later, but for now, onto the summary:
Scoring was high this week on the actual field and on our computer monitors as 7 teams made it into triple digits and 4 teams posted scores over the 120 pt mark. The average score jumped to 101.3 pts from last week's 92.6 pts. A triple digit average is a VERY healthy week. The average margin of victory grew slightly to 21.7 pts from last week's 19.2 as just one of the matches was decided by less than 10 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Devin Mackesy, 141.1 points. WHAT?!?!?!? Oh my yes. Kenny Britt and his 48 certainly helped the total. This was a special week for Devo - high score, his first win, and his beloved Oakland Raiders put 59 points on the Broncos. Truly, special days. OR perhaps one of the signs of the apocalypse? For all you end-of-the-world types, I did read recently that due to a calculation error in the Mayan calendar, the whole 2012 thing has been put off for at least 100 years. Conflicting signals from the universe, perhaps, but more like a statistical blip that we won't pay much attention to ever again.
Honourable mentions to Harris (133.9), Gregor (125.2, 37 from Roddy White), and Lance (123.3).
Senorita Of The Week:
Again, more work for me this week as we have a new Mayor of Ineptitude-ville. Kevin Andrachuk, come get your pink satin sash and matching heels as your 40 points earned you the title of SOTW. How did it happen? Our crack statistical analysis team here at League HQ provided this:
"Low single digits (nothing above 3) in every category but QB (Hasselbeck had 15 pts, which is also not good) is how one reaches a 40 point total for a week. By the way, none of his startes were on a bye or significantly injured. This performance should be part of his permanent file and reviewed as part of the league's ongoing "Members Of Excellence" Program and relegation of this owner to some sort of junior league should be considered."
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just the one close one this week as Madge clipped Mike D. by 7.7. Despite the loss, Mike D's team sent out a press release endorsing Rob Ford for Mayor and celebrating the fact that it has been 2 weeks since they were SOTW - possibly a new record for the franchise.
The 6-1 Club:
As predicted in this space last week, I have vanquished my foe. The last week has been spent de-lousing the lounge, importing new Romanian waitresses, and having Tim's locker cleaned out. Tim was escorted from the building last evening by security and was last seen getting into a bedazzled, Hello Kitty-themed Smart car. His destination? 2nd place.
Fortunately, all is right with the world as Fusco is the sole member of this most exclusive club. I'd like to share share information on the menu, decor, and entertainment but you must earn the right to know such sensitive information. All you have to do is win and the secrets of this magical place shall be revealed.
The contest was costly though as long-time Fusco employee, Tony Romo broke his collarbone during the MNF game. And that plan to hang on to Favre as a back-up is not going so well what with his sex-ting problems and bad ankle. So, perhaps my stint alone here will be brief, but I assure you all that I shall enjoy.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Had Gregor started Dez Bryant and his 23 pts, Devo could have been kept in his dark, winless place.
Mike D. could have used Brandon Jackson's 14 to make it a damned close contest with Madge. But, then again, Madge could have started Carson Palmer and his 47.6 pts and crushed D. like a bug.
And finally, Kevin Andrachuk could have used Michael Bush's 12 to make it to 50. Oh wait, that wouldn't have changed anything. Still a loss. Still SOTW.
State of The League:
The natural order has returned and Fusco is alone on top at 6-1, wearing the rather comfortable and velvety robes of excellence. He does not rest easy though as the ghastly collective that is 2nd place is gathering outside the highly secured gates to the well-manicured gardens of the Leader's Lounge. Glancing down from the rooftop patio, the pitchforks and torches of envy and desire can be clearly seen.
The feisty ghouls that make up 2nd place at 5-2 include Ashby, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Harris. Don't let the success go to your heads, fellas. Take it from me, this winning stuff can be a bitch.
The next tier is the dwelling place of Madge and Kevin - both of whom have had their share of lows this season. Above .500 is something to hang your hats on. Not much, but something.
Moving below the .500 line, we see Lance, Gregor and Jeff at 3-4. Each of them have shown moments of promise, but where's the consistency?
And just one step from the muck, lies Mike D. How are you going to explain 2-5 to your daughter?
And finally, mired in the muck and sharing a miserable co-existence at 1-6, are Hauser and Devo. The difference between them? Hauser has lost 5 in a row and Devo can feel the light of victory on his muck-covered face.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 7 continued to bring much joy to my life. However, I fear this joy may be short-lived as its source, a victory over the much despised Tim Ashby was a costly one for my team. More on this sad, sad story later, but for now, onto the summary:
Scoring was high this week on the actual field and on our computer monitors as 7 teams made it into triple digits and 4 teams posted scores over the 120 pt mark. The average score jumped to 101.3 pts from last week's 92.6 pts. A triple digit average is a VERY healthy week. The average margin of victory grew slightly to 21.7 pts from last week's 19.2 as just one of the matches was decided by less than 10 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Devin Mackesy, 141.1 points. WHAT?!?!?!? Oh my yes. Kenny Britt and his 48 certainly helped the total. This was a special week for Devo - high score, his first win, and his beloved Oakland Raiders put 59 points on the Broncos. Truly, special days. OR perhaps one of the signs of the apocalypse? For all you end-of-the-world types, I did read recently that due to a calculation error in the Mayan calendar, the whole 2012 thing has been put off for at least 100 years. Conflicting signals from the universe, perhaps, but more like a statistical blip that we won't pay much attention to ever again.
Honourable mentions to Harris (133.9), Gregor (125.2, 37 from Roddy White), and Lance (123.3).
Senorita Of The Week:
Again, more work for me this week as we have a new Mayor of Ineptitude-ville. Kevin Andrachuk, come get your pink satin sash and matching heels as your 40 points earned you the title of SOTW. How did it happen? Our crack statistical analysis team here at League HQ provided this:
"Low single digits (nothing above 3) in every category but QB (Hasselbeck had 15 pts, which is also not good) is how one reaches a 40 point total for a week. By the way, none of his startes were on a bye or significantly injured. This performance should be part of his permanent file and reviewed as part of the league's ongoing "Members Of Excellence" Program and relegation of this owner to some sort of junior league should be considered."
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just the one close one this week as Madge clipped Mike D. by 7.7. Despite the loss, Mike D's team sent out a press release endorsing Rob Ford for Mayor and celebrating the fact that it has been 2 weeks since they were SOTW - possibly a new record for the franchise.
The 6-1 Club:
As predicted in this space last week, I have vanquished my foe. The last week has been spent de-lousing the lounge, importing new Romanian waitresses, and having Tim's locker cleaned out. Tim was escorted from the building last evening by security and was last seen getting into a bedazzled, Hello Kitty-themed Smart car. His destination? 2nd place.
Fortunately, all is right with the world as Fusco is the sole member of this most exclusive club. I'd like to share share information on the menu, decor, and entertainment but you must earn the right to know such sensitive information. All you have to do is win and the secrets of this magical place shall be revealed.
The contest was costly though as long-time Fusco employee, Tony Romo broke his collarbone during the MNF game. And that plan to hang on to Favre as a back-up is not going so well what with his sex-ting problems and bad ankle. So, perhaps my stint alone here will be brief, but I assure you all that I shall enjoy.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Had Gregor started Dez Bryant and his 23 pts, Devo could have been kept in his dark, winless place.
Mike D. could have used Brandon Jackson's 14 to make it a damned close contest with Madge. But, then again, Madge could have started Carson Palmer and his 47.6 pts and crushed D. like a bug.
And finally, Kevin Andrachuk could have used Michael Bush's 12 to make it to 50. Oh wait, that wouldn't have changed anything. Still a loss. Still SOTW.
State of The League:
The natural order has returned and Fusco is alone on top at 6-1, wearing the rather comfortable and velvety robes of excellence. He does not rest easy though as the ghastly collective that is 2nd place is gathering outside the highly secured gates to the well-manicured gardens of the Leader's Lounge. Glancing down from the rooftop patio, the pitchforks and torches of envy and desire can be clearly seen.
The feisty ghouls that make up 2nd place at 5-2 include Ashby, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Harris. Don't let the success go to your heads, fellas. Take it from me, this winning stuff can be a bitch.
The next tier is the dwelling place of Madge and Kevin - both of whom have had their share of lows this season. Above .500 is something to hang your hats on. Not much, but something.
Moving below the .500 line, we see Lance, Gregor and Jeff at 3-4. Each of them have shown moments of promise, but where's the consistency?
And just one step from the muck, lies Mike D. How are you going to explain 2-5 to your daughter?
And finally, mired in the muck and sharing a miserable co-existence at 1-6, are Hauser and Devo. The difference between them? Hauser has lost 5 in a row and Devo can feel the light of victory on his muck-covered face.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Week 6 Summary - Ashby Beaten / Fusco Feels Fine / Devo's Depths of Depression / Streaks
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 6 brought much joy to my life. It really is the little things in life that one should take pleasure in. Elaborate dinners with expensive wine at the top restaurants are fantastic, but seeing both the undefeated and winless lose are truly enjoyable events. Onto the summary:
Scoring was down a bit this week as nobody really lit it up. Average fell to 92.6 pts from last week's 96.0 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 19.2 as two matches were close (EPS over Ashby and Kev over Lance) and there was just one blow-out (Fusco handing it to Hauser by 48.2 pts).
Performer of The Week:
Fusco, 116.4 pts. It is good to be me. I feel joy.
No honourable mentions as those that cracked triple digits did so only just and really don't deserve to share in my glory.
Senorita Of The Week:
I don't think anyone realizes how much effort it takes to write these summaries. It is a thankless job and Mike D. had been making this part easy as his strangle hold on SOTW meant less work for me. But, as usual, I'm the one who has to sacrifice and take one for the team:
Jay Hauser, your 68.2 points - while not awful - earned you the dis-honour of Senorita. I love it when my opponents are SOTW.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two tight ones this week. First Ashby became a sitting duck as Team Pat/Eric/Sunny were 2.4 points behind going into the MNF game with MJD still to play. The 3-Headed Monster has been surprisingly frisky as of late, got 5 points out of MJD, has strung together a 4 game winning streak AND humbled Ashby by handing him defeat.
Two old foes, Lance Richter of Hamilton and Kevin Andrachuk of Newmarket went head-to-head and came out of it each initially with 91.5 points. The overnight adjustments handed Kevin the victory by 1 pt. Could this change over the coming days???
5-1 Club:
Jeez. I leave for one week and I come back to this?!?!!?!? Toronto Star newspapers strewn about like the inside of a monkey cage at the zoo. Questionable brown stains on the walls, carpets, and furniture. An un-stocked bar. Two visibly shaken barmaids having locked themselves in a cloak room. The only thing on the menu is corn dogs. And a giant map of Peterborough and Carleton University sweatshirts as the new interior design theme. Tim, what have you done to all that was good and sacred?
I must get to work immediately, not only on fixing what you have wrought, but also on a plan to banish you from this special place forever. Fortunately, our head to head match up this week will allow me to do just that. See you on the field, friend-o.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
No coulda/shoulda/woulda this week. You may all rest easy.
State of the League:
Fusco and Ashby are tied on top of the heap. Week 7 will bring a sole member in the leader's lounge as these two foes face off, but who will prevail? In an unrelated note, if anyone would like to make a few bucks by cutting some fibre optic cable to a house on Melrose, please email me directly at ashbymustbestopped@gmail.com .
At the other end of the spectrum lies Devo, 0-6 and in a bad, bad place. He emailed me the other day to ask if I wanted to do a CFL playoff league - he is that desperate and in that dark of a mood. The good news about Devo's situation is that the poll on the league page showed that he will be taking Madge with him in some sort of elaborate murder-suicide pact. Well done, Devo - I appreciate what you're doing for the rest of the league.
And in between lie Sunny/Eric/Pat, Harris (both with 4 game win streaks), and Kev at 4-2. At .500 are Gregor, Madge and Lance. Jeff Alls and Mike D. sit at a sad 2-4. And finally, with just one win from Devo-ville and on a 4 game losing streak is Hauser at 1-5.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 6 brought much joy to my life. It really is the little things in life that one should take pleasure in. Elaborate dinners with expensive wine at the top restaurants are fantastic, but seeing both the undefeated and winless lose are truly enjoyable events. Onto the summary:
Scoring was down a bit this week as nobody really lit it up. Average fell to 92.6 pts from last week's 96.0 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 19.2 as two matches were close (EPS over Ashby and Kev over Lance) and there was just one blow-out (Fusco handing it to Hauser by 48.2 pts).
Performer of The Week:
Fusco, 116.4 pts. It is good to be me. I feel joy.
No honourable mentions as those that cracked triple digits did so only just and really don't deserve to share in my glory.
Senorita Of The Week:
I don't think anyone realizes how much effort it takes to write these summaries. It is a thankless job and Mike D. had been making this part easy as his strangle hold on SOTW meant less work for me. But, as usual, I'm the one who has to sacrifice and take one for the team:
Jay Hauser, your 68.2 points - while not awful - earned you the dis-honour of Senorita. I love it when my opponents are SOTW.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two tight ones this week. First Ashby became a sitting duck as Team Pat/Eric/Sunny were 2.4 points behind going into the MNF game with MJD still to play. The 3-Headed Monster has been surprisingly frisky as of late, got 5 points out of MJD, has strung together a 4 game winning streak AND humbled Ashby by handing him defeat.
Two old foes, Lance Richter of Hamilton and Kevin Andrachuk of Newmarket went head-to-head and came out of it each initially with 91.5 points. The overnight adjustments handed Kevin the victory by 1 pt. Could this change over the coming days???
5-1 Club:
Jeez. I leave for one week and I come back to this?!?!!?!? Toronto Star newspapers strewn about like the inside of a monkey cage at the zoo. Questionable brown stains on the walls, carpets, and furniture. An un-stocked bar. Two visibly shaken barmaids having locked themselves in a cloak room. The only thing on the menu is corn dogs. And a giant map of Peterborough and Carleton University sweatshirts as the new interior design theme. Tim, what have you done to all that was good and sacred?
I must get to work immediately, not only on fixing what you have wrought, but also on a plan to banish you from this special place forever. Fortunately, our head to head match up this week will allow me to do just that. See you on the field, friend-o.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
No coulda/shoulda/woulda this week. You may all rest easy.
State of the League:
Fusco and Ashby are tied on top of the heap. Week 7 will bring a sole member in the leader's lounge as these two foes face off, but who will prevail? In an unrelated note, if anyone would like to make a few bucks by cutting some fibre optic cable to a house on Melrose, please email me directly at ashbymustbestopped@gmail.com .
At the other end of the spectrum lies Devo, 0-6 and in a bad, bad place. He emailed me the other day to ask if I wanted to do a CFL playoff league - he is that desperate and in that dark of a mood. The good news about Devo's situation is that the poll on the league page showed that he will be taking Madge with him in some sort of elaborate murder-suicide pact. Well done, Devo - I appreciate what you're doing for the rest of the league.
And in between lie Sunny/Eric/Pat, Harris (both with 4 game win streaks), and Kev at 4-2. At .500 are Gregor, Madge and Lance. Jeff Alls and Mike D. sit at a sad 2-4. And finally, with just one win from Devo-ville and on a 4 game losing streak is Hauser at 1-5.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Week 5 Summary - Suicide Watch / Fusco Not Happy / Ashby Too Happy
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
My return to Kenya has proven to be most disappointing. It isn't the poverty or the crime or the pollution that has me down, but rather the end of my undefeated streak coupled with the fact that Ashby remains the only team yet to receive a beating. I'll have you all know, that I take no joy in this week's summary. At first, I thought I'd just take my ball and go home, refuse to write a summary and wait until next season, but then I realized it would be my many fans of my so eloquent prose that would pay the price of having to go without. So onto the summary:
Scoring was up this week as 7 teams posted strong scores. Average score jumped to a season high 96.0 pts from last week's 80.3 pts. The average margin of victory grew to 31.35 as three matches were decided by at least 46 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Ashby, 135.4 pts. It pains me to even type about him...
Honourable mentions to Gregor and his 129.3 and Madge (122.1 pts) and Devo (121.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 51.3 pts. That's 4 weeks in a row, Mike. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Week 5: 51.3
Last week I said this was "Not good". Mike, friend, it is getting worse.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three matches decided by less than 12 points this week:
Close was Eric/Sunny/Pat clipping the angry Austrian Hauser by 11.9 pts. Tight was Alls taking Mike D. by 9.4 pts. But tighter than tight and possibly with the result of Devo being put on suicide watch was his loss to Madge by a mere 0.4 pts. Will this stand? Will an adjustment swing this outcome and the emotional pendulum? Will Devo have his belt and shoelaces taken away from him for his own safety?
5-0 Club:
Congratulations to Tim. No, seriously. Way to go, Timbo. I hope you are very happy. I just thank my lucky stars I'm many time zones away and not on BBM to hear/read your gloating. Fortunately, I have also set up an email rule to quickly disperse any communiques from you into my trash folder.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
In the only personnel change that could have made a difference, Devo would probably have played Jones over Tolbert in the RB slot. But, instead, he continues on his winless streak. I guess that is something to be proud of...
State of the League:
No State of The League this Week. Alone in 2nd place blows and, yes, I'm very bitter.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
My return to Kenya has proven to be most disappointing. It isn't the poverty or the crime or the pollution that has me down, but rather the end of my undefeated streak coupled with the fact that Ashby remains the only team yet to receive a beating. I'll have you all know, that I take no joy in this week's summary. At first, I thought I'd just take my ball and go home, refuse to write a summary and wait until next season, but then I realized it would be my many fans of my so eloquent prose that would pay the price of having to go without. So onto the summary:
Scoring was up this week as 7 teams posted strong scores. Average score jumped to a season high 96.0 pts from last week's 80.3 pts. The average margin of victory grew to 31.35 as three matches were decided by at least 46 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Ashby, 135.4 pts. It pains me to even type about him...
Honourable mentions to Gregor and his 129.3 and Madge (122.1 pts) and Devo (121.7).
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 51.3 pts. That's 4 weeks in a row, Mike. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Week 5: 51.3
Last week I said this was "Not good". Mike, friend, it is getting worse.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Three matches decided by less than 12 points this week:
Close was Eric/Sunny/Pat clipping the angry Austrian Hauser by 11.9 pts. Tight was Alls taking Mike D. by 9.4 pts. But tighter than tight and possibly with the result of Devo being put on suicide watch was his loss to Madge by a mere 0.4 pts. Will this stand? Will an adjustment swing this outcome and the emotional pendulum? Will Devo have his belt and shoelaces taken away from him for his own safety?
5-0 Club:
Congratulations to Tim. No, seriously. Way to go, Timbo. I hope you are very happy. I just thank my lucky stars I'm many time zones away and not on BBM to hear/read your gloating. Fortunately, I have also set up an email rule to quickly disperse any communiques from you into my trash folder.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
In the only personnel change that could have made a difference, Devo would probably have played Jones over Tolbert in the RB slot. But, instead, he continues on his winless streak. I guess that is something to be proud of...
State of the League:
No State of The League this Week. Alone in 2nd place blows and, yes, I'm very bitter.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Week 4 Summary - Live From Amsterdam!
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
The Week 4 Summary is coming to you live from the KLM Crown Lounge in Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport. Well it started that way and then my flight was called, so call this one the first 3 continent summary. Started in Toronto, filled out in Amsterdam, and finished in Nairobi. I'm in rough shape, so if it makes less sense than usual, please be kind.
900 g box of wine gums? Check. 3 Toblerone bars for EUR13.50? Check. Foreign vitamin water type drink for breakfast? I think that's what I just had.
Week 4 is in the books and the data to support what is quickly becoming a manifesto on excellence continues to pour in. Quite frankly, it is very difficult for me to continue to write glowingly about myself. I just don't like the attention. Maybe I'll tank a week just for kicks...
And now, onto the summary:
Scoring was down this week as byes began and a great deal of individual team suckitude went down. Nobody managed to score over 110 pts and only 3 approached/surpassed triple digits. Yours truly, Kevin, and the recently frisky combo of Eric/Pat/Sunny were the only ones in the century neighbourhood.
Average score fell significantly to just 80.3 pts from last week's healthy 92.3 pts thanks to half the teams scoring fewer than 81 pts. The average margin of victory also fell to 19.2 pts from last week's 24.9 pts despite my utter prison-vet-on-fresh-fish domination of Madge by 41.4 pts.
Performer of The Week:
The surprisingly frisky corpse of Sunny/Eric/Pat posted a week high of 108.6. See what can happen when you don't start guys with broken legs? Honourable mention to Kevin as his was the only other team to break the century mark.
Again, both still remain short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 set by a certain, beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 47.8 pts. That's 3 weeks in a row, Mike. Plus, you suffered a 27.5 fisting by Lance. It turns out that coming out to drink beers and watch football with your friends DOESN'T help. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Not good.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one matches decided by less than 10 points: Kevin squeaked out another win by tossing Jay's salad with some 8.1 pt dressing - a family recipe.
4-0 Club:
Ashby is like a bad stink on an airplane bound for Amsterdam - he lingers. I still contend his inclusion in this club is all smoke and mirrors. He shall be revealed for the fraud that he is. Mark my words. Bye weeks will be very, very, very bad to him.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I bet Mike D. wishes he had started Bradford and his 26.3 instead of Cutler and his 9 sacks, concussion and -4.2. Devo certainly could have used Royal's 17 over, say Colston's 3, in order to avoid the double humiliation of losing to Eric/Pat/Sunny AND remaining winless on the season. And finally, Gregor could have used Orton's 31.5.
State of the League:
4 teams at 1-3, and 1 at 0-4. Pathetic. But somewhat amusing to watch Devo and Madge bottom feeding with Mike D. Not good, gents. Not good.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
The Week 4 Summary is coming to you live from the KLM Crown Lounge in Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport. Well it started that way and then my flight was called, so call this one the first 3 continent summary. Started in Toronto, filled out in Amsterdam, and finished in Nairobi. I'm in rough shape, so if it makes less sense than usual, please be kind.
900 g box of wine gums? Check. 3 Toblerone bars for EUR13.50? Check. Foreign vitamin water type drink for breakfast? I think that's what I just had.
Week 4 is in the books and the data to support what is quickly becoming a manifesto on excellence continues to pour in. Quite frankly, it is very difficult for me to continue to write glowingly about myself. I just don't like the attention. Maybe I'll tank a week just for kicks...
And now, onto the summary:
Scoring was down this week as byes began and a great deal of individual team suckitude went down. Nobody managed to score over 110 pts and only 3 approached/surpassed triple digits. Yours truly, Kevin, and the recently frisky combo of Eric/Pat/Sunny were the only ones in the century neighbourhood.
Average score fell significantly to just 80.3 pts from last week's healthy 92.3 pts thanks to half the teams scoring fewer than 81 pts. The average margin of victory also fell to 19.2 pts from last week's 24.9 pts despite my utter prison-vet-on-fresh-fish domination of Madge by 41.4 pts.
Performer of The Week:
The surprisingly frisky corpse of Sunny/Eric/Pat posted a week high of 108.6. See what can happen when you don't start guys with broken legs? Honourable mention to Kevin as his was the only other team to break the century mark.
Again, both still remain short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 set by a certain, beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 47.8 pts. That's 3 weeks in a row, Mike. Plus, you suffered a 27.5 fisting by Lance. It turns out that coming out to drink beers and watch football with your friends DOESN'T help. Mike's scoring graph is not good. I'll spare you the graphics and just give you the data points:
Week 1: 90.3
Week 2: 57.1
Week 3: 68.6
Week 4: 47.8
Not good.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just one matches decided by less than 10 points: Kevin squeaked out another win by tossing Jay's salad with some 8.1 pt dressing - a family recipe.
4-0 Club:
Ashby is like a bad stink on an airplane bound for Amsterdam - he lingers. I still contend his inclusion in this club is all smoke and mirrors. He shall be revealed for the fraud that he is. Mark my words. Bye weeks will be very, very, very bad to him.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
I bet Mike D. wishes he had started Bradford and his 26.3 instead of Cutler and his 9 sacks, concussion and -4.2. Devo certainly could have used Royal's 17 over, say Colston's 3, in order to avoid the double humiliation of losing to Eric/Pat/Sunny AND remaining winless on the season. And finally, Gregor could have used Orton's 31.5.
State of the League:
4 teams at 1-3, and 1 at 0-4. Pathetic. But somewhat amusing to watch Devo and Madge bottom feeding with Mike D. Not good, gents. Not good.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Week 3 Summary - Fusco's Study / Madge Still Sucks / Alone In The Basement
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 3 is done and my thesis of "The Excellence That Is All Things Fusco" continues to be supported by the data coming in. I'm sure you will all continue to be fascinated to see the journey and to read my paper on the subject once it is published. And now, onto the summary:
Three teams managed to score over 110 pts this week as Fusco, Gregor, and a surprising Eric/Pat/Sunny all surpassed the magical mark.
Average score rose to 92.3 pts compared to last week's 89.7 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 24.9 pts from last week's 29.1 pts as the blow outs weren't as large and scores weren't nearly as awful as some posted in the first 2 weeks.
Performer of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, 119.7 points. In yet another case of new(ish)-guy-on-new(ish)-guy crime, he also posted the biggest margin of victory (46.4 pts) against Jeff Alls. Jeff, by the way, has yet to apologize for missing watching TV on giant football screens due to his parents not leaving.
Honourable mention to your beloved commissioner, and his 113.4 points. Both still remain short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 also set by the same, beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 68.6 pts. That's 2 weeks in a row, Mike. Plus, you suffered a 44.8 point beating at my hands. Might I suggest maybe a little less time with the cheese tray and open house crowd and a little more time at the bar with your friends and the giant TVs.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just two matches decided by less than 10 points: Kevin played the part of man with a broken down van waiting in the alley (wait - this description will pay off shortly) as he nipped Devo by 6.9 pts. And Lance fell victim to the train wreck that is Eric/Pat/Sunny by a margin of 7.2 despite the fact that they started Reggie Bush and his broken leg even though they were warned by email and in person of his condition and not to start him. Fools.
3-0 Club:
Ah...yes, the herd continues to be culled and the club's exclusivity rises as Lance fell victim to the surprising ineptitude that is Eric/Pat/Sunny and the guest list now has but two names on it - Fusco and Ashby. And we all know what shaky ground / thin ice Ashby stands upon.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Once again, Madge could have used Benson's 19 and Charles' 14.
Devo needed Bowe's 13, Lance could have used Spiller's 15 pts, and Hauser wishes he started Keller and his 21.
Had Fusco started Collie and his 30.6, Mike D. might have simply started his car in his "spacious two-car garage with the convenient automatic door" closed.
State of the League:
Week 3 has brought a new-and-improved 4-tier classification system:
1) Enveloped In Excellence: Fusco. And to a lesser extent, Ashby. I mean, look at the PF/PA ratio, the comparison almost isn't fair.
2) Mired In Mediocrity: .667 is better than .500. Just. Lance, Gregor, and Kevin at least have winning records for all you silver-lining types.
3) Drowning In Disappointment: This plunge pool, is six deep: Hauser, Harris, Eric/Pat/Sunny, Madge, Alls, and Mike D. Shame on you all.
4) Alone In The Well In The Commissioner's Basement: Devo, I think we all know what's next - She puts the lotion in the basket.
Still in Toronto, and football at Real Sports Bar again this Sunday for those that can make it. The enjoyment of watching your fellow competitors stress about their fantasy teams in person knows no equal. I recommend it highly. Just don't bother with the pulled pork sandwich.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 3 is done and my thesis of "The Excellence That Is All Things Fusco" continues to be supported by the data coming in. I'm sure you will all continue to be fascinated to see the journey and to read my paper on the subject once it is published. And now, onto the summary:
Three teams managed to score over 110 pts this week as Fusco, Gregor, and a surprising Eric/Pat/Sunny all surpassed the magical mark.
Average score rose to 92.3 pts compared to last week's 89.7 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 24.9 pts from last week's 29.1 pts as the blow outs weren't as large and scores weren't nearly as awful as some posted in the first 2 weeks.
Performer of The Week:
Gregor Davidson, 119.7 points. In yet another case of new(ish)-guy-on-new(ish)-guy crime, he also posted the biggest margin of victory (46.4 pts) against Jeff Alls. Jeff, by the way, has yet to apologize for missing watching TV on giant football screens due to his parents not leaving.
Honourable mention to your beloved commissioner, and his 113.4 points. Both still remain short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 also set by the same, beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 68.6 pts. That's 2 weeks in a row, Mike. Plus, you suffered a 44.8 point beating at my hands. Might I suggest maybe a little less time with the cheese tray and open house crowd and a little more time at the bar with your friends and the giant TVs.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just two matches decided by less than 10 points: Kevin played the part of man with a broken down van waiting in the alley (wait - this description will pay off shortly) as he nipped Devo by 6.9 pts. And Lance fell victim to the train wreck that is Eric/Pat/Sunny by a margin of 7.2 despite the fact that they started Reggie Bush and his broken leg even though they were warned by email and in person of his condition and not to start him. Fools.
3-0 Club:
Ah...yes, the herd continues to be culled and the club's exclusivity rises as Lance fell victim to the surprising ineptitude that is Eric/Pat/Sunny and the guest list now has but two names on it - Fusco and Ashby. And we all know what shaky ground / thin ice Ashby stands upon.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Once again, Madge could have used Benson's 19 and Charles' 14.
Devo needed Bowe's 13, Lance could have used Spiller's 15 pts, and Hauser wishes he started Keller and his 21.
Had Fusco started Collie and his 30.6, Mike D. might have simply started his car in his "spacious two-car garage with the convenient automatic door" closed.
State of the League:
Week 3 has brought a new-and-improved 4-tier classification system:
1) Enveloped In Excellence: Fusco. And to a lesser extent, Ashby. I mean, look at the PF/PA ratio, the comparison almost isn't fair.
2) Mired In Mediocrity: .667 is better than .500. Just. Lance, Gregor, and Kevin at least have winning records for all you silver-lining types.
3) Drowning In Disappointment: This plunge pool, is six deep: Hauser, Harris, Eric/Pat/Sunny, Madge, Alls, and Mike D. Shame on you all.
4) Alone In The Well In The Commissioner's Basement: Devo, I think we all know what's next - She puts the lotion in the basket.
Still in Toronto, and football at Real Sports Bar again this Sunday for those that can make it. The enjoyment of watching your fellow competitors stress about their fantasy teams in person knows no equal. I recommend it highly. Just don't bother with the pulled pork sandwich.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Week 2 Summary - 2 Big Beatings, Madge Sucks, A 3-Layer League
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 2 is in the books and while two data points may not make a trend, I see/imagine a number of salient themes emerging this year. These themes will be written down and stored in my safe and revealed at the end of the year in a live, 1 hr pay per view special to air just before the 14 hours of Super Bowl pre-game. Onto the summary:
Three teams managed to score over 100 pts this week as Hauser, Kevin, and his blood-feud enemy, Gregor all surpassed the magical mark.
Average score came in at 89.7 pts compared to last week's 85.4 pts. The average margin of victory was an even bigger than last week 29.1 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Jay Hauser, 123.2 points. I believe that is called "Giving Madge The Business".
Honourable Mention to Kevin and his 120.8 pts. However, both still fell short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 set by, me, your beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 57.1 pts. And he took a beating at the hands of fellow original 905er, Kevin. A 63.7 pt loss is bad. Even worse than Kev's beating last week. Dis-honourable mention to Madge and his 61.6 pts and his 60+ pt loss to Hauser. Those are serious blow-outs.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just two matches decided by less than 10 points: Jeff Alls and Lance Richter were in a holy-war-death-match-squeaker-tighter-than-a-tiger battle going into the Monday night game at 87.3-87. But this morning's scoring update shows a swing as Pierre Thomas' 9 points swung the victory to Lance. In the other close one, Ashby clipped Harris by 9.8 pts.
2-0 Club:
Ah...now that feels much better. The herd has been thinned, and I only must share this rarefied air with two others. Welcome Lance and Ashby to the promised land. Don't get too comfy, though and hands off my coat check girl, Ashby. You can look, but don't you dare touch. I can already tell you she isn't wearing a "Hello Kitty" thong.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
It is always nice to see the namesake take the award as Madge left Jahvid Best and his 43 points on the bench. Although this wouldn't have changed the outcome, it would have resulted in Madge getting A LOT less ink in this week's summary.
Alls and Harris could have used Hightower's 17 and McNabb's 34.8, respectively.
State of the League:
While it is only Week 2, I'm supremely confident in the following 3-tier classification system:
1) Enveloped In Excellence: Fusco. And to a lesser extent, Ashby and Lance. I mean, look at the PF/PA ratio, they are really JUST there....
2) Mired In Mediocrity: .500 sucks. And so do Hauser, Madge (ugly loss this week), Kevin, Gregor, Alls, and Mike D. (I knew a winning record would be too much for him to take).
3) Drowning In Disappointment: And then there were you three - Harris, Devo (oh how the mighty have fallen) and the 3-headed monster of Pat/Sunny/Eric.
Back in Toronto on Friday evening - still looking for more hearty souls to watch football with on either of the next 2 sundays...don't be shy, get your Fusco face-time while you can.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
Week 2 is in the books and while two data points may not make a trend, I see/imagine a number of salient themes emerging this year. These themes will be written down and stored in my safe and revealed at the end of the year in a live, 1 hr pay per view special to air just before the 14 hours of Super Bowl pre-game. Onto the summary:
Three teams managed to score over 100 pts this week as Hauser, Kevin, and his blood-feud enemy, Gregor all surpassed the magical mark.
Average score came in at 89.7 pts compared to last week's 85.4 pts. The average margin of victory was an even bigger than last week 29.1 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Jay Hauser, 123.2 points. I believe that is called "Giving Madge The Business".
Honourable Mention to Kevin and his 120.8 pts. However, both still fell short of the season's high water mark of 127.1 set by, me, your beloved commissioner.
Senorita Of The Week:
Mike D, 57.1 pts. And he took a beating at the hands of fellow original 905er, Kevin. A 63.7 pt loss is bad. Even worse than Kev's beating last week. Dis-honourable mention to Madge and his 61.6 pts and his 60+ pt loss to Hauser. Those are serious blow-outs.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Just two matches decided by less than 10 points: Jeff Alls and Lance Richter were in a holy-war-death-match-squeaker-tighter-than-a-tiger battle going into the Monday night game at 87.3-87. But this morning's scoring update shows a swing as Pierre Thomas' 9 points swung the victory to Lance. In the other close one, Ashby clipped Harris by 9.8 pts.
2-0 Club:
Ah...now that feels much better. The herd has been thinned, and I only must share this rarefied air with two others. Welcome Lance and Ashby to the promised land. Don't get too comfy, though and hands off my coat check girl, Ashby. You can look, but don't you dare touch. I can already tell you she isn't wearing a "Hello Kitty" thong.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
It is always nice to see the namesake take the award as Madge left Jahvid Best and his 43 points on the bench. Although this wouldn't have changed the outcome, it would have resulted in Madge getting A LOT less ink in this week's summary.
Alls and Harris could have used Hightower's 17 and McNabb's 34.8, respectively.
State of the League:
While it is only Week 2, I'm supremely confident in the following 3-tier classification system:
1) Enveloped In Excellence: Fusco. And to a lesser extent, Ashby and Lance. I mean, look at the PF/PA ratio, they are really JUST there....
2) Mired In Mediocrity: .500 sucks. And so do Hauser, Madge (ugly loss this week), Kevin, Gregor, Alls, and Mike D. (I knew a winning record would be too much for him to take).
3) Drowning In Disappointment: And then there were you three - Harris, Devo (oh how the mighty have fallen) and the 3-headed monster of Pat/Sunny/Eric.
Back in Toronto on Friday evening - still looking for more hearty souls to watch football with on either of the next 2 sundays...don't be shy, get your Fusco face-time while you can.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
'10-'11 Season - Week 1 Summary - Sweet, Sweet Football. It Is Good To Be Back.
By the way, a good deal of this was written earlier than sent - I had to wait for the scores to come back online on the ESPN site (for some reason they went all to zero for a few hours), and then I had to wait for one of Nairobi's "occasional" black outs to end before I could hit send. So maybe you won't be getting it for your morn
Before we get into it, a note about being 7 hours ahead of the rest of the league: It isn't all bad, if I get up at 5am, I can watch a replay of some games. OK, so it really blows. At least there is Fantasycast - I'm starting to see how people used to gather 'round the radio in the old days - when you have no choice, you take what you can get. At least the time difference allows me to get the summary out for your morning commutes. That's right, once again, your commissioner is thinking about you.
All I ask is that when you speak of me, please speak of me well. To the summary:
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
The good news, 6 teams won. The bad news, 6 teams lost. What? Yes, that does happen every week, but this is the first time it has happened in many, many months and my excitement is just too much. The worse news, 3 teams had HORRIBLE performances of 66 points or less. You know who you are, but if you don't, it was Kevin (56.9 pts), Eric/Pat/Sunny (59.7 pts), and Gregor (66 pts). Way to start off strong, fellas.
In the glass is half full, category, just two teams managed to score over 100 pts during this most important of weeks - Madge and yours truly, Matthew J. Ngong-Fusco.
Average score came in at 85.4 pts. This is low compared to last year's usual low-to-mid 90's averages. I blame Kevin, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Gregor. The average margin of victory was a big 27.7 pts. Contributing to this rather large number was my 70.2 pt shellacking of Kevin.
Performer of The Week:
Matthew Fusco, 127.1 points. I'm here in Kenya spreading the message of fantasy football to the wild savages. I see a few major challenges - they don't know what NFL football is, or why there exists a fantasy version of it; and computers with internet access are tough to come by in the bush. We shall overcome. Michael, row the boat ashore.
Honourable Mention to Madge and his 117.4 pts. Too bad at least 5 teams believe you will finish in 2nd last place according to a recently published poll.
Senorita Of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk, 56.9 pts. See "shellacking", "beat-down", "bitch slap" for further clarification. Perhaps parenthood has taken Kevin's fantasy mojo and wrapped it up in a used diaper and discarded it with the Baby Einstein dvds???
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two old foes (and I mean old - look at their birth certificates) faced off in yet another grudge match and some naked dock wrestling as Hauser fell to Ashby by 7.5 pts in the only close one this week.
1-0 Club:
Crowded and feeling rather less than exclusive. Table for 6, please. Fusco, Madge, Mike D, Ashby, Alls, and Lance are all here. Mike D. is definitely the fish out of water. What does victory taste like, Mike? Napalm?
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk had Wes Welker on the bench. Too bad his 18 points would only have changed your beating to severe from horrendous.
Devo could have used Hakeem Nicks' 25 pts, but instead became Mike D's prison, um, girlfriend in the only instance where the outcome could have been different.
State of the League:
I'm just happy to be back. Please note the league's new mailing address below.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
Before we get into it, a note about being 7 hours ahead of the rest of the league: It isn't all bad, if I get up at 5am, I can watch a replay of some games. OK, so it really blows. At least there is Fantasycast - I'm starting to see how people used to gather 'round the radio in the old days - when you have no choice, you take what you can get. At least the time difference allows me to get the summary out for your morning commutes. That's right, once again, your commissioner is thinking about you.
All I ask is that when you speak of me, please speak of me well. To the summary:
Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
or for those that are too lazy to even click:
The good news, 6 teams won. The bad news, 6 teams lost. What? Yes, that does happen every week, but this is the first time it has happened in many, many months and my excitement is just too much. The worse news, 3 teams had HORRIBLE performances of 66 points or less. You know who you are, but if you don't, it was Kevin (56.9 pts), Eric/Pat/Sunny (59.7 pts), and Gregor (66 pts). Way to start off strong, fellas.
In the glass is half full, category, just two teams managed to score over 100 pts during this most important of weeks - Madge and yours truly, Matthew J. Ngong-Fusco.
Average score came in at 85.4 pts. This is low compared to last year's usual low-to-mid 90's averages. I blame Kevin, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Gregor. The average margin of victory was a big 27.7 pts. Contributing to this rather large number was my 70.2 pt shellacking of Kevin.
Performer of The Week:
Matthew Fusco, 127.1 points. I'm here in Kenya spreading the message of fantasy football to the wild savages. I see a few major challenges - they don't know what NFL football is, or why there exists a fantasy version of it; and computers with internet access are tough to come by in the bush. We shall overcome. Michael, row the boat ashore.
Honourable Mention to Madge and his 117.4 pts. Too bad at least 5 teams believe you will finish in 2nd last place according to a recently published poll.
Senorita Of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk, 56.9 pts. See "shellacking", "beat-down", "bitch slap" for further clarification. Perhaps parenthood has taken Kevin's fantasy mojo and wrapped it up in a used diaper and discarded it with the Baby Einstein dvds???
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two old foes (and I mean old - look at their birth certificates) faced off in yet another grudge match and some naked dock wrestling as Hauser fell to Ashby by 7.5 pts in the only close one this week.
1-0 Club:
Crowded and feeling rather less than exclusive. Table for 6, please. Fusco, Madge, Mike D, Ashby, Alls, and Lance are all here. Mike D. is definitely the fish out of water. What does victory taste like, Mike? Napalm?
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Kevin Andrachuk had Wes Welker on the bench. Too bad his 18 points would only have changed your beating to severe from horrendous.
Devo could have used Hakeem Nicks' 25 pts, but instead became Mike D's prison, um, girlfriend in the only instance where the outcome could have been different.
State of the League:
I'm just happy to be back. Please note the league's new mailing address below.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
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