Week 13 Summary - Upsets Are Upsetting. But Also Wonderful.

As our intrepid junior cub reporter / team owner Madge (BTW - if you ever try to freelance in the league communique department again, you will meet a most unfortunate fate) pointed out in his league-wide email yesterday, last night's MNF game had potential impact on all but one of this week's matches. Unfortunately, the game fell far short of the hype as the Ravens could barely move the ball and the 2 teams combined for over 300 yards in penalties, thus sapping many potential yardage points. Week 13 can best be summarized as follows:

If you had a record that was better than your opponent's going into this week, you lost.


Average score rose to 98.3 pts this week, from last week's 94.1 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 17 pts from last week's 20 pts as the high scores were absent from the charts.

I really don't know where to start with the upsets, so let's heap praise on me:

Devo's team was as harmless as a de-clawed and mildly sedated kitten while my team played brilliantly and deserve all the credit that is coming their way.

After violating my team's rotting corpse (which beat Devo this week), Kevin moved on to lure Detox into a van near the playground and do bad things to him. Beware his tricks, for they are tricky.

Lance Richter continued his giant slaying ways as he toppled yet another contender this week by taking down Jeff Alls despite clearly not paying any attention at all to the kicking situation in New Orleans. That, my friends, is confidence.

Madge fell to Hauser, despite Hauser's recent personal, um, changes. They can take your bullets, but you can still find a way to kill.

The 3-Headed monster showed signs of life as it dispatched Gregor. Sadly it is too little too late.

And finally, in what can only be described as the final sign of the looming apocalypse, Harris soundly thrashed Tim Ashby by 30+ pts. Thy season is tarnished, Timbo.



Performer of The Week:

As much as it shocks me to type this, here is your moment of glory:

Jamie Harris, 130.9 pts. Possibly his highest score ever and a true spoiler if ever there was one.

I think it is safe to safe that this is one of the few occasions that he would be glad to admit he had VD....and his 17 points.

No Honourable Mentions this week as nobody else cleared 110.

Senorita Of The Week:

Jeff Alls, 74.4 pts. As I said to Gregor in this spot last week: Not a good time of year to be fading. Fading all the way out of the playoffs????


The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:

Madge vs. Hauser. 6.4 pts. Close, by no Ray Rice.


9-4 Club:

Hauser took control of his destiny this week and by giving Madge a fantasy reach-around, he got into the club and there he sits with Devo and Madge. Possibly the scariest 3-way ever. But 3 guys are banging on the door and trying to get in.

State of the League:

6 teams playing for 4 spots. And the dregs of the league still have some fight in them so week 14 will be very interesting:

Fusco vs Detox - nothing on the line here except finishing .500 for Fusco and the threat of finishing in last place for Toronto's best looking Bus Stop Advertiser.

Madge vs. Ashby - Madge needs to win to guarantee a spot in the playoffs, Ashby needs to crawl out of the gutter after falling on Harris' shiv.

Lance vs. 3-Headed Monster - Can Lance win his way into the show?

Kevin vs. Devo - Will Kevin crush Devo's dreams? I'll have to consult the Magic 8 Ball.

Harris vs. Hauser - What can be said?

Gregor vs. Alls - Head-to-Head, winner gets into the play-offs.





Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land