As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
Unfortunately, this week's summary was delayed by the grief of falling victim to Mike D. as my team simply gave up. The depression is so deep that I don't even know if watching my staff perform their day to day tasks such as making my bed, washing my car, and cleaning my home will even entertain me in the least. Sigh. Life is tough. For a glimpse into my emotional state, please watch the following, not safe for work, clip that portrays it perfectly:
And now, onto this week's summary:
Week 14 finalized it all. It separated the lucky from the cursed and the cursed from the inept. Just 2 teams made it into triple digits and only 2 close ones this week. The average score fell to 90.4 points from last week's 94.1 pts. The average margin of victory narrowed to 18.2 points.
Performer of The Week:
Lance Richter, 122.5 pts. His second week in a row with 120+ pts. Not that it matters. Not that anything matters anymore...
Honourable mention to Tim Ashby and his 117.5 points.
Senorita Of The Week:
Jay Hauser, 64.8 points. Way to let Harris salvage his season. Hauser, you are dead to me.
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
2 close ones this week as my spiral into the depths of fantasy football continued by falling to Mike D by 7.4 points because my team couldn't find their cleats let alone tie them up and play football. Let me tell you, there's nothing like a 4 game losing streak to end the regular season. It's quite special. Almost as special as listening to Mike D. relive an episode of the Cosby Show.
As alluded to in an earlier and angry email, Gregor started a kicker that did not even travel with his team. It was well publicized days before the game, yet he still chose UFC over football. This abortion of team management allowed the mighty Jeff Alls and his Dallas Trainwreck to secure the victory by 1.8 points and finish at a coin toss like .500 on the year. Well played Georges St-Mis-Management.
The 9-5 Club:
Joining Madge and Eric/Pat/Sunny in the club is Lawrence Park's favourite curler, Tim Ashby who beat Madge in a playoff preview. Congratulations to you all. May you choke on the complimentary bar snacks.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
The Ravens' 16 or Lance Moore's 13 could have kept the dark clouds at bay for your beloved Commissioner.
And again, and perhaps to belabour a point, but had Gregor started virtually any kicker that, you know, played last week, he could have won.
State of The League:
Here's how it finished, write your own clever commentary:
DIVISION 1
TEAM W L T PCT GB
T-Dot Triple Threat 9 5 0 .643 --
FAST BOWLERS 9 5 0 .643 --
The Blue Steel Dynasty 9 5 0 .643 --
Robert Pryce 8 6 0 .571 1
Team Tap Out 8 6 0 .571 1
Eastside Rip and Run 7 7 0 .500 2
Creepy Glen Bishop 7 7 0 .500 2
Inglorious Bastards 7 7 0 .500 2
Dallas Trainwreck 7 7 0 .500 2
Team BadNewsBrawlers 5 9 0 .357 4
Gentleman's Intermission 4 10 0 .286 5
Team Cryptkeeper 4 10 0 .286 5
The Commissioner's office will be closed until August 2011. That is, should we have a football season next year. Please send your comments, requests, and other distractions to someone that cares.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
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