Week 3 Summary - Empty Threats, Broken Promises, and Technical Issues

I'm back you bastards. The shadow people tried to take me off the air by blowing up my computer and sending me back to life in 1994 for a week, but i made it through one of the world's toughest ordeals. And now, I'm back to fill the cavernous void in your lives that you've missed for weeks 3 and 4. Both summaries will be published/distributed. Be grateful, bitches. Be grateful that I'm still writing this given how awful my team is. Be grateful I share my thoughts with you. Be grateful that you know me.

Read it online here:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/

or for you Blackberry-istas:

Week 3 Summary:

Your beloved commissioner experienced the nearest thing to Chinese water torture (at least since those 26 unfortunate days outside of Shanghai in 1992, but I digress) last night as I watched with with great hope that Romo and Witten would get the 30 points I needed to beat Mike D. They didn't and now my name circles the same toilet bowl as most of the league owners I attempt to avoid in my everyday life.

Scoring fell to less insane levels as the monster performances were really limited to Peyton Manning's 42.4 points. Plus Brees could only muster 6.6 pts and Gore went down with an injury. C. Johnson cooled off too and could post just 9 points.

Average score for Week 3 was 83.6 pts, down significantly from last week's 92.7.

Average margin of victory fell to 23.8 pts from last week's 29.6, with the largest margin of victory at a monster 60 points (As Jeff prison raped Gregor and any happy dreams Gregor may ever have) and 2 contests fell into the squeaker category, decided by 1.4 pts (Lance's toss of Eric/Sunny/Pat's salad in a bed crapping tete-a-tete) and 1.5 pts (Hauser's reach-around on Harris).


Performer of The Week:

Devo put in another strong week despite Johnson's fall off in points generation by posting 118.3 points thanks to good performances from A. Rodgers and D. Mason. This should add considerably to his smugness.

Honourable mention to Jeff Alls (116.4 pts) and Madge (112.4 pts). Ugh, this could get ugly.

Senorita Of The Week:

Despite the best bed-crapping efforts of Lance (59 pts) and Sunny/Eric/Pat (57.6 pts), there is a new Senorita this week as pre-season favourite and new guy Gregor Davidson puked up a wee 56.4 points. The other senoritas will welcome you with girly drinks and make-up tips.

3-0 Club:
One man stands alone in the club. Devin Mackesy, you magnificent bastard. Although beating Kevin can hardly be considered an accomplishment, the club is yours. Since Madge has already targeted you with his UFC style pre-match hype, we'll just sit back and wait for you to lose in Week 5. The upside here is that having coffee or lunch with Sunny/Eric/Pat will be bearable again now that they have tasted defeat.



A Special Contribution From Patrick Smith dedicated to Kevin Andrachuk:

Perhaps it is Pat's drift into his golden years, but he wants to contribute to the weekly summary and his ideas are numerous. He clearly takes pleasure (as we all do) in Kevin's record and has offered the following user-suggested content:

Can we call Kevin "Agent 00-3"?

Who he is: A 00 agent. 003 was present at the Thunderball meeting.

Where he is now: Deceased, presumably still in Siberia where his body was found by 007.

How he was dispatched: He was killed by Russian KBG guards in Siberia whilst on a mission to steal a microchip. 007 finds 003, takes the chip, and reports back in London , after a spectacular escape from the KGB guards in A View To A Kill.

The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

Lance - J. Campbell, 30.7 pts - fortunately fate decided to frown on your opponent and you didn't need the points.

State of the League:

Someone must get Devo. This is not a test. Have him killed, get a free steak from the Commissioner.

Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land