As always, you can read it online at:
http://cebfl.blogspot.com/
But for those that are too lazy to even click:
A brief editorial note prior to this week's summary: Africa has problems. War, famine, poverty, HIV/Aids. You name it, and it is here. But, as you all know, despite the fact I so rarely put myself into this column, I'd like to tell you about the African plight I experienced first hand this weekend. My internet access was down. It was down all weekend and I was unable to start Brett Favre. While I had no idea he would play that well, I knew he'd do at least OK as he was playing Mike D's beloved Arizona Cardinals. Personally, I feel as though my years of effort and hard work have built up enough credibility to simply change the outcome of my match against Gregor, as we all know I should have won. But I don't think that would lend credence to the fine tradition and expectations of this league. So I'll take my lumps and secretly resent you all as the rest of the season plays out. But for now, onto the summary:
Scoring stayed low this week, but the average rose slightly to 85.1 pts from last week's 84.4 pts, as once again, only 2 teams managed to score in the triple digits. The average margin of victory narrowed to 23.9 pts from last week's 25.6 pts.
Performer of The Week:
Madger the Angry Badger takes it again this week with 121 points. Sadly, he was mostly quiet this week as it seemed as though his hatred for Ashby went on a little holiday. I expect the angry rhetoric to heat up again as they are now tied in the standings at 6-3 along with the rotting corpse and technical difficulties that is yours truly.
Honourable mention to Jeff and his 117.1 pts, the only other team to makeit over 100 pts.
Senorita Of The Week:
This wasn't even close as Mike D. crapped not only his matrimonial bed, but perhaps the bed of his daughter as well. 46.7 pts with bye week players in 2 starting positions. You have a blackberry, use it to set your line-up. This isn't rocket surgery. At least pretend to give a shit like you do in front of clients during "the largest purchase of their lives"...
The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:
Two close ones this week as Gregor violated my recently deceased body of a team by 8.5 points and Birthday boy Jamie Harris was the beneficiary of an overnight scoring adjustment that gave him a victory by 1.2 pts over Eric/Pat/Sunny and sole possession of first place.
The 7-2 Club:
I woke this morning to see that Harris was just losing to Eric/Pat/Sunny. It was a pleasant way to start my day. Sadly, this feeling was short-lived as when I checked back in after the overnight processing, my fears had come true. A slight point adjustment gave Harris the slight victory and the only key to the leader's lounge. What can I say? Despite his 7 game winning streak, he has no right to be in the lounge. You betcha I'm pissed. His last 2 weeks have been terrible and not leader-worthy. But the worst part of it all is that he will be putting Tap Out and UFC posters everywhere and charging the leader's lounge with so-much homo-erotic energy that there will be no way to keep Ashby and Madge out of there. Get ready for all-shirtless man-wrestling all of the time.
The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:
Please see above explanation re: Lack of internet access, Farve and his 38.6 pts. A very sad week.
State of The League:
Harris - He has limped into the leader's lounge on a 7 game winning streak after starting 0-2. This ends. Soon.
Fusco - Not doing well emotionally. Sharing 2nd place with Ashby and Madge is not a happy place for him. Ashby and Madge must be thrilled to be mentioned in the same paragraph as Fusco.
Gregor, Jeff, and Eric/Pat/Sunny - all tied at 5-3. Nobody really has the eye of the tiger here. I blame Pat as all his energy is going towards growing a moustache for Movember.
Lance and Kevin. 4-5. I guess you guys must really be focusing on your other fantasy teams now that the NBA season has started.
Hauser is showing signs of life at 3-6. If, by life you mean he has lost twice as many games as he has won.
Mike D. at 2-7. A sad effort this week, Mike. I've been disappointed yet again, even despite my incredibly low expectations for you.
Devo, 1-8. No words.
Commissionarily Yours,
Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya
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