Week 5 Summary - Turkeys Weren't The Only Thing Stuffed This Week:

The chill of the autumn air. Moist turkey on an overloaded plate. Drunken relatives and in-laws with difficult to remember names. 3 kinds of pie for dessert. One winning streak that would not stand. One losing streak that may never end. I'm thankful for all of it.

Average score for Week 5 fell to 87.9 from last week's healthy 93.6 pts, as a return to scores in the 50s and 60s by 4 of the teams brought shame and the stink of failure back to our beloved league.

Average margin of victory increased to 22.6 pts from 17.3 pts as only one contest ended close. This week's largest margin of victory was especially fabulous as Harris was stuffed like the new guy in prison by your suddenly competitive commissioner by a margin of 39.9 points. This week's squeaker was decided by a mere 3 points as Hauser squeezed out another close one over the 3-Headed Monster.

Performer of The Week:

Gregor showed some bounce back as he threw up 136.8 points this week in a very personal, hope-crushing victory over Kevin. His best performance of the year and his first 100+ showing since Week 1.

Honourable mention this week to Kevin, 113.5 points. Not huge, but enough for a victory had he played any other team in the league. But no, a 5 week losing streak instead. I bet your turkey was dry and mashed potatoes were gluey.

Senorita Of The Week:

Mike D. clearly phoned it in this week with a very young lady like 56.2 points. Or less than half of Kevin's total. Of special importance, Mike's QB, Derek Anderson -0.8 pts. That's some good decision making. Also, when are we going to see you on bus stop advertising???

Honourable Mention to Devo and his 72.5 points. Not the second lowest, but low enough to stop your winning streak and add more proof to the working theory that your record was and remains a fortunate one.
See what happens when you call out the league settings??? Do you see now?



4-1 Club:

All of a sudden, things are very crowed in the leader's lounge. Exclusivity be damned, as it looks like ladies night. In the club: Devo (membership under review), Madge (4 game winning streak and highly unbearable), Jeff Alls (also a 4 game winning streak), and Hauser (3 game winning streak, 2 of which were by 3 points or less, so his admittance is questionable). Don't get too comfy as next week will bring change as Madge and Alls face off.


The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

There was only one instance were a benched player would have swung the result. Had Sunny/Eric/Patrick started Breaston over Avant, his 6 points would have given you the victory and saved us all from a week of Hauser's boasting...you bastards.

State of the League:

Let's talk about Kevin for a minute and review his PR strategy:

Week 1: He was just glad to get his STB week out of the way.
Weeks 2-4: He was a victim of a TE success conspiracy.
Week 5: He finds this whole thing "funny".

Kevin, I admire your coping skills. They are highly evolved.

Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land