Week 7 Summary - High Scores And One Very Low Score / Lone Leader / Devo Defeated No Longer

As always, you can read it online at:

http://cebfl.blogspot.com/

But for those that are too lazy to even click:


Week 7 continued to bring much joy to my life. However, I fear this joy may be short-lived as its source, a victory over the much despised Tim Ashby was a costly one for my team. More on this sad, sad story later, but for now, onto the summary:

Scoring was high this week on the actual field and on our computer monitors as 7 teams made it into triple digits and 4 teams posted scores over the 120 pt mark. The average score jumped to 101.3 pts from last week's 92.6 pts. A triple digit average is a VERY healthy week. The average margin of victory grew slightly to 21.7 pts from last week's 19.2 as just one of the matches was decided by less than 10 pts.


Performer of The Week:

Devin Mackesy, 141.1 points. WHAT?!?!?!? Oh my yes. Kenny Britt and his 48 certainly helped the total. This was a special week for Devo - high score, his first win, and his beloved Oakland Raiders put 59 points on the Broncos. Truly, special days. OR perhaps one of the signs of the apocalypse? For all you end-of-the-world types, I did read recently that due to a calculation error in the Mayan calendar, the whole 2012 thing has been put off for at least 100 years. Conflicting signals from the universe, perhaps, but more like a statistical blip that we won't pay much attention to ever again.

Honourable mentions to Harris (133.9), Gregor (125.2, 37 from Roddy White), and Lance (123.3).


Senorita Of The Week:

Again, more work for me this week as we have a new Mayor of Ineptitude-ville. Kevin Andrachuk, come get your pink satin sash and matching heels as your 40 points earned you the title of SOTW. How did it happen? Our crack statistical analysis team here at League HQ provided this:

"Low single digits (nothing above 3) in every category but QB (Hasselbeck had 15 pts, which is also not good) is how one reaches a 40 point total for a week. By the way, none of his startes were on a bye or significantly injured. This performance should be part of his permanent file and reviewed as part of the league's ongoing "Members Of Excellence" Program and relegation of this owner to some sort of junior league should be considered."


The "Close-But-No-Cigar" Match (es) of The Week:

Just the one close one this week as Madge clipped Mike D. by 7.7. Despite the loss, Mike D's team sent out a press release endorsing Rob Ford for Mayor and celebrating the fact that it has been 2 weeks since they were SOTW - possibly a new record for the franchise.


The 6-1 Club:

As predicted in this space last week, I have vanquished my foe. The last week has been spent de-lousing the lounge, importing new Romanian waitresses, and having Tim's locker cleaned out. Tim was escorted from the building last evening by security and was last seen getting into a bedazzled, Hello Kitty-themed Smart car. His destination? 2nd place.

Fortunately, all is right with the world as Fusco is the sole member of this most exclusive club. I'd like to share share information on the menu, decor, and entertainment but you must earn the right to know such sensitive information. All you have to do is win and the secrets of this magical place shall be revealed.

The contest was costly though as long-time Fusco employee, Tony Romo broke his collarbone during the MNF game. And that plan to hang on to Favre as a back-up is not going so well what with his sex-ting problems and bad ankle. So, perhaps my stint alone here will be brief, but I assure you all that I shall enjoy.


The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

Had Gregor started Dez Bryant and his 23 pts, Devo could have been kept in his dark, winless place.

Mike D. could have used Brandon Jackson's 14 to make it a damned close contest with Madge. But, then again, Madge could have started Carson Palmer and his 47.6 pts and crushed D. like a bug.

And finally, Kevin Andrachuk could have used Michael Bush's 12 to make it to 50. Oh wait, that wouldn't have changed anything. Still a loss. Still SOTW.


State of The League:

The natural order has returned and Fusco is alone on top at 6-1, wearing the rather comfortable and velvety robes of excellence. He does not rest easy though as the ghastly collective that is 2nd place is gathering outside the highly secured gates to the well-manicured gardens of the Leader's Lounge. Glancing down from the rooftop patio, the pitchforks and torches of envy and desire can be clearly seen.

The feisty ghouls that make up 2nd place at 5-2 include Ashby, Eric/Pat/Sunny, and Harris. Don't let the success go to your heads, fellas. Take it from me, this winning stuff can be a bitch.

The next tier is the dwelling place of Madge and Kevin - both of whom have had their share of lows this season. Above .500 is something to hang your hats on. Not much, but something.

Moving below the .500 line, we see Lance, Gregor and Jeff at 3-4. Each of them have shown moments of promise, but where's the consistency?

And just one step from the muck, lies Mike D. How are you going to explain 2-5 to your daughter?

And finally, mired in the muck and sharing a miserable co-existence at 1-6, are Hauser and Devo. The difference between them? Hauser has lost 5 in a row and Devo can feel the light of victory on his muck-covered face.



Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commissioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
New Commissioner's Plaza
100 Mbeki Tutu Mugabe Blvd.
Nairobi, Kenya