Week 1 Summary

There's a chill in the air, my car insurance renewal arrived in the mail yesterday, the kids (and Kevin) are back to school, and week 1 is in the books with some interesting results.

Performers of the Week (AKA - Use Caution When Messing With The Natural Order):

Let me be the first to say what everybody is thinking - WHY THE FUCK ARE NEW GUYS AND PAT ALLOWED IN THE POOL?!?!?!!?!? Well, sadly, it was the opinion of the commissioner's office that more owners would lead to a dilution of team talent and thus a more competitive league. But, instead, football "geniuses" like Allsgoood and Jesus Didn't Tap and Baby Seal Bashers are on top of the league with about 120 points each. The dark horses are messing with the vegas odds-makers and making the rest of us look bad. I'll reserve my final opinion for the next 16 weeks, but my initial report looks a lot like one of those stock picking competitions where they pit retarded chimps against five-star portfolio managers.

Senorita of the Week:

Mike D's Badnewsbrawlers. Has marriage stolen his edge much like de-clawed and neutered cat? Yes. And 36.75 points proves it.

Heartbreak of the Week:

Tim Ashby - on the highest of highs after drafting Brady and man-loving him for almost a quarter of played football. What now - out with a knee, for the year and replaced with a guy that hasn't started a game since highschool. This will be like watching a car crash happen. I'll make some popcorn.

General Commentary on the League:

We went into this first week of competition with the view that a 100 point week would be harder to get this year and we were proven wrong. Granted, there were some very good individual performances, but generally each of the front running teams had consistent point scoring throughout their lineups. It is a long season with many injuries to come, and much trash talking to do. Until next week....

Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office,
Commissioner's Plaza