Week 11 Summary

Holy Offense:

That Thursday night shootout was crazy and benefitted anybody with a Brown or Bronco on their team. Oh wait, this week it was the Jets and the Pats. Huge points for Casell (42.10 !!!) and a good night for Favre and Jones. Average score this week was back down to about normal levels, checking in at 90.55 points, with 4 teams (Tim, Devo, Lance, and Pat) putting up more than 100 points.

1100 Point Club:

There goes Kevin, looking all Fusco-like again and founding his 3rd club in 3 weeks. But 89.77 points won't bring home the bacon or the trophy. Is this the fall or the stall before the fall???

The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

To Jeff Alls - Mo-Jo Drew on the bench, 21.3 points and very different to Green-Ellis' Thursday night bed-crapping. Again, Kevin's speedy pick-ups of Sunday's hot performers makes it look like he left a bunch of points on the bench, but he didn't.

Got 'em, Need 'em, Got 'em, - This Week's Trade Action:

It must be that time of year again, as it would be next to impossible to avoid a season without trade controversy. The big surprise? Kevin wasn't involved. The times, they are a changin'. Let's see how it worked out for Pat, Eric & Sunny:

G. Jennings - 64 Rec yards and a TD, 12.40 pts.
M. Barber - The Cowboys rode him to victory, 20.3 pts.
M. Schaub - 0 points. Out 3-4 weeks with a knee.

B. Edwards - 10.4 pts, looks like he cured his case of stone hands.
E. Graham - 0.3 points on 3 yards rushing. Helped off the field after his first carry. Ankle injury. Perhaps "injury prone" was an apt description.
M. Hasselbeck - 4.65 with 3 INTs and 2 sacks.

Hmmm...17 pt advantage to Pat. Quick, let's get a war crimes tribunal together.

As always, I welcome suggestions as to how to better the league, but despite all the complaining/bitching/outrage/whining/protesting, NOT ONE (except Madge - see below) person suggested an alternative to cancel/allow the trade. To those of you that offered trades to Eric/Sunny, I ask, "What would your position be if your trade offer had been accepted?". Secondly, I have offered to set up the league so that all trades must be approved by a majority of owners and that has been rejected every time it has come up. Finally, I have only ever claimed "perfection" when it comes to my abilities as a parent, not as commissioner. And in light of that, I welcome any and all applications for position of League Commissioner. The abuse is plentiful and becomes less enjoyable with each passing day.

Also on the trading table, Jay and Tim put together the following mutual masturbation:

J. Campbell - 9.45 pts
S. Moss - 2.9 pts
L. Johnson - 6.7 pts, 2 fumbles.

for

K. Collins - 21.85 pts
A. Bryant - 6.8 pts
B. Jacobs - 19.30 pts, 2 rushing TDs

Hmmm...a 28.9 point advantage to Hauser, pretty lop=sided, but where's the whining and complaining about that one????


Update on The Ms. Midge Experiment:

AP - 8.5 points.

LT - 15.70 points.

Midge - 10th place, hopes fading with time running out. Our next commissioner??? Madge was good enough to send in a reasonable, coherent, and surprisingly lucid analysis of the trade and the controversy. In it he advised stomping on a trade next year to curtail the bitching and hopeful improve the deals that get done. The most salient section of his rather verbose email follows:

Lastly - I think that you need to stomp on one of these next year when it inevitably happens again...(I just hope I'm not the one that gets stomped ;))...at the end of the day the pool is a great time and a great way to keep in touch (cue the music).... and it's your gig so whatever you say goes...and frankly I will be thoroughly looking forward to the email trash around a stomped trade....I am expecting big things.

I do think that this can be a pretty interesting rite of passage. It is almost like a blind auction. now that (after 5 years of it) people realize that these trades happen it should in a strange way make the offers better as no one will want to get out bid with shit... apparently it really wouldntve taken much to get that haul from Sunny and Eric......next time I guarantee that 'not the crappiest' trade will be a little better.

Idea - If a really shit trade that needs to be vetoed happens in the future as part of the stomping process you could reverse the trade and open up a 2 day silent bidding war for people to make offers to the owner for the players in the trade - i.e people could counter it....that way everyone has a chance to beat the shit offer .... and when someone finally wins there is nothing to complain about...i.e if no one is willing to offer something more appealing to the owner than the original offer then it stands.

10th place and fading Madge has given us something to consider at the summer league meetings. His wisdom reminds me of when I was a young, idealistic commissioner. Don't go changing, Madge. Don't you ever change.

Performer of The Week:

Tim Ashby, 130.05 points. You would hope so with Cassel's crazy week.
Tim Ass-hat-by also wins the "most insults sent via email" award for his multiple rants and vitriolic communiques.

Senorita Of The Week:

Mike D, 57.31. Your open house wasn't the only thing that stunk this week. Too bad Quinn couldn't get it going, because you could have tossed Harris' salad with a TD or a few more yards in the air.

A Special Section Dedicated To Mike D.:

Thank you for making my Sunday. I cherish the thought of you standing around an empty house in your power negotiating suit, with a cheese plate going south and the temptation of sitting on the client's couch with your feet up and watching football battling your sense of duty to client. I hope the smell of freshly baked cookies was soothing and welcoming to the nosy neighbors that just had to see what your client had done with the place.

State of the League:

Despite all the controversy of late, we got ourselves one hell of a horse race as the first seven spots are separated by just 80 points. Thanks to my own bed crapping this week, I've dropped to 6th, just behind Asshat, who has been ON FIRE for the last 4 or 5 weeks. Anybody's game. By anybody, I mean anybody BUT Harris, Hauser, Madge, Eric/Sunny, or Mike D.

Commissionarily Yours (BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER???),

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land