Week 15 Summary

Oh My. My Oh My:

World's have crumbled. The sky has fallen. Up is down. Black is white. Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria. Week 15 brought the highest of highs to one owner and the lowest of lows to at least three of his competitors. It brought paranoia (Pat) and anticipation (Tim), elation (Tim) and deflation (Kev/Fusco/Mike D.), denial (Fusco) and acceptance (Kev/Fusco), confusion (Jay and Tim) and understanding (anyone that saw Pat's charts).


Performer of The Week:

Ashby does it again. His 135.93 points allowed him to jump ahead of me and squarely into 2nd place, and hunting Pat down like a rabid chocolate lab that has turned on its owner. This new league order raises so many questions:

Is it inevitable that Tim will win this thing?
Can Pat hang on for 2 more weeks?
Did anyone ever think this could happen?
When will Kevin start using the demands of his 14 fantasy basketball leagues as an excuse?
Will Harris achieve his dream of finishing in the top half? (Way to dream big, pal)
Will Mike D. have his hear broken by his much-loved Cards?
Will Hauser ever stop blaming autodraft? Or maybe he'll start blaming auto-add/drop next...
Will Eric and Sunny ever co-manage again?
Will Jeff Alls return to fight again next year or was his 2nd half fade too emotionally crushing?
Will Devo fall prey to Madge in the standings?
Will we ever hear from Lance again?
How many sacks is too many sacks? 8? 9? 14?
Did the people behind the "Whopper Virgin" campaign come up with the campaign first and then do the experiment or did they do the experiment, hold back the results, and then sell the idea and results to Burger King?


The thought of losing to Pat and Tim leads me to the following thoughts and options:

1) Declare "force majeur", freeze league, and run off to Costa Rica with league revenues. Sadly, revenues will not even buy lunch.
2) Carve "Red was here" over my doorway, tighten noose, and kick chair. Sadly, revenues will not cover cost of rope.
3) Stop writing summaries. Call off the whole blog thing and submit resume to Major League Baseball for possible commissioner opening.
4) Hand keys to the league to the winner and see if they can handle the stress of the commissioner's office and what it does to one's personal life.

5) Setup covertly outside winner's office and throw shoes when they appear.

Senorita Of The Week:

At least Mike D. didn't let me down this week. He managed to suck badly enough to avoid giving me the added indignity of SOTW. Mike D. added another turd trophy to his collection by phoning in his 53.30 points. Pat couldn't even put you on his charts. What does that tell you?

1500 Point Club:

Madge's Chuck E. Cheese article was highly entertaining. I didn't make the club, so I have no idea about what amenities it may have. However, as it is just Pat and Tim, I can only assume it has 40 cases of malt liquor, a tire swing, and newspaper covering the floor.

The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

While many owners left many points on the bench, this week's award goes to Kevin for parking Tavarius Jackson and his 26.48 pts, having done many bad things to Mike D's Cards.

Update on The Ms. Midge Experiment:

AP - 16.50 points. Lots of yards (165), but no TDs.

LT - 13.40 points.

Midge - 9th place. Your signs of a pulse and Devo's bed-crapping could mean a battle for pride and a late season fight. Just 52 points and you can own Devo for 8 months. You haven't shown any fight, so my expectations are low.

A Special Section Dedicated To Mike D.:

No Mike D. story this week.

State of the League:

With just 2 weeks left, we have a league of many layers:

The battle to win it - while technically a two-way scrap between Pat and Timbo, momentum is a tough thing to overcome. 31.21 points is the gap. Tim is positively frothy about it all and Pat is looking over his shoulder as he orders his double double in the basement of BCE place. He checks and double-checks the back seat of his car before he gets in. He will not sleep well for the next 2 weeks.


Bronze medal battle - this one is about dignity or what's left of it. There's me having just STB, holding off a dis-heartened Kevin (also recently having suffered a bout of STB) and a late-surging Lance (quiet but deadly. This is a tight one, separated by just 8.62 points.


The Battle to finish in the Top Half - Harris has 6th place and may have a battle on his hands as Alls is just 18 points behind. Despite his 2nd half fade, Alls may still have something to say about it. He's the only rookie this year, and yet he's taking it to veterans like Devo and Harris. I think Devo and HArris need to explain.

The Bottom Third - then there's you guys. Madge will have bragging right over Hauser, Eric/Sunny, and Mike D. And they haven't done anything to stop him from making them his bitches.

Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land