Week 6 Summary

A Special Section - News From Our IT Department:

As you may or may not know, a clause in the fine print of the league agreement borrowed from the patriot act allows me to monitor all intra-league emails. I'd like to thank Kristoph Kirilenko from our IT department (and recently to Canada from a former province of the USSR), for forwarding the following intercepted email:

From: Jamie Harris <>
Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2008 10:00:40 -0400
Subject: Our trade
To: Tim Ashby

Hey...saw you accepted my trade and are dropping Crayton. I wanted to ask
you something...if I can get Fusco to cancel the trade would you be willing
to throw Crayton in since you are dropping him anyway and re-do this? It
might me look a little better on this one since I think I am going to take
some flak on this trade.

It would appear as though Jamie's on-field performance and mid-pack lifestyle have led to paranoia and buckets of self-doubt. It warms my soul to see that fear of league fallout, mention in the summary, or becoming the topic of league gossip has pushed owners to the point of bargaining in email with their fellow owners in order to attempt to pre-empt the onslaught. Sadly, Jamie, our IT department is just too vigilant to sneak something like this past them. The most disturbing part of this is that your HR training hasn't instilled in you the perils of a paper trail. In future, I would suggest the following:

1) Blackberry Messenger

2) Face-to-face meeting in an underground parking lot

3) Verbal communication delivered via a trusted "family" member

4) Alcohol-fueled negotiations in a Karaoke bar.

Holy Offense - Or Maybe Not So Much:

I hope my mention of the joys of playing against St. Louis or Detroit in my Week 6 Preview didn't jinx it for Jay and Madge. Ooops. Let's see, St. Louis beat Washington 19-17 and Minnesota just got by the clawless Detroit Lions 12-10. Average scoring was up a bit this week to 92.13 points.

600 Point Club:

Well, let's see: There's me, leading the way, again. Then, thing's get a little awkward. No one at the club ever thought Kevin and Devin would be members at the same time, so you'll have to share the smoking jacket as it is the only "petit" one we have. We also say "goodbye" to Patrick this week, his time in the club ending with a thud of post-trade fallout and an injured Hasselbeck.

The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

Patrick T. Smith - Braylon Edwards, 23.40 points. Ouchie. Those would have kept you in the 600 point club. But now you are out of the club, fighting with the other savages for food scraps and fur loin cloths. Good luck to you.

Honourable mention goes to the award's namesake, Madge - Marvin Harrison and his 20.30 points.

The Asleep At The Switch Department:

No award this week as everybody played who they could...I think. Too tired to care.

Trade Department:

Hauser and Pat - it would appear the league consensus / yelps from the peanut gallery indicates Pat getting the better of Jay. We'll see how it plays out in the points department, but it would appear as though Pat's patience combined with Jay's itch to do a deal brought this into being. Also, it seems as though Tim got back from the Anthony Robbins seminar, as he awakened the giant within and did a deal with Jamie. To see how Jamie feels about the deal, see comments above in "News from our IT department".

Update on The Ms. Midge Experiment:

AP - 4.6 points (with 2 lost fumbles)

LT - 11.80 points (with a bad case of turf toe)

Midge - on the move to 9th Place on the back of good performances by his WRs.

Performer of The Week:

The surprising Baby Seal Bashers, powered into 4th place by their tally of 120.43 points this week. Who could have guessed that Matt Schaub, Derek Anderson, and Marion Barber would be the combo to put up a combined 75+ points. I still stand by my prior comments about a monkey and a hand grenade. They edged out both Devo (116.95) and Kevin (113.80).

Senorita Of The Week:

Tim Ashby, 67.58 points. Please notice that the reference to Mike D. has been removed. Yikes. You should have read all of "Awaken The Giant Within" not just the table of contents. I'm more than a little concerned that since leaving GE, you're fantasy performance has plummeted. Clearly, your new employer does not have the resources to handle your team of MBAs, interns, and school for the blind volunteers that managed your teams at GE. Oh wait, you sucked when you worked at GE too. Nevermind.

A Special Section Dedicated To Mike D.:

This section is no longer enjoyable to write. The thought of Mike D. huddled in the bottom of one of his listing's "spacious walk in closets", rocking back and forth, crying about his fall from fantasy greatness once brought me great joy. Now it just saddens me.

A Little Section About Me:

As you all know, I rarely bring myself into this column, always trying to keep a professional distance and just allow my unbiased, factual, fair and balanced reporting to do the work. But, Week 6 has brought great stress to the fortress of solitude. Romo with a broken finger, Manning shat the bed, and my soon-to-happen fall from first place due to lack of offense is imminent. But that's not the worst of it friends, the worst of it is Kevin scooping up Romo's backup like so much underfed vermin - sure, it is one thing when I do it to Tim and hold the QB ransom for an RB, but to do this to me? Scandalous. Wrong. Shame on you.

Due to this development, I now leave the writing of the weekly summary to Kevin. I'm on strike. I will, however, be checking my email from time to time for incredibly generous trade offers.

Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land