Week 4 Summary

Bye Week Blues:

Week 4 marks the first round of byes - with the Pats, Giants, Colts, Dolphins, and Lions all having the week off. Byes can make for a tricky managerial week as the depth of talent isn't there for teams that have multiple players on byes. It looks as though most came through unscathed, at least those that bothered to change their lineups and NOT start players with the word BYE beside them.

Feedback:

It was praise from some of you this week, except for Pat "Mr. Critical" Smith who elected to wait until he saw me for a face to face emotional tear down at a sushi restaurant. So much rage for 2nd place so early in the season....I'm sure he's just experimenting with parenting techniques to see if they work on me before he applies them to his actual children.

Holy Offense - Or Maybe Not So Much:

Some big offensive performances this week with Favre's 6 TDS and 41.63 points, Schaub with 34.98, Brees with 32.28, Larry Johnson with 33.80, and Romo with 32. Of interest, 8 of the top 10 individual point getters are QBs, and 12 of the top 25 point getters made up by RBs. Running Back by Committee hurts points seekers.

The New Tom Brady - Part 2:

Could it be Jay Cutler? Ummm....I don't think so and retract last week's praise. Sorry, Kevin, but the Chiefs (?!?!?!) treated your boy like Hauser treats a bag of jerky on his lonely drive home from Waterloo. Plus, there appears to be some sort of Arrowhead curse on Shanahan as his record there is a lowly 3-11. Dan Dierdorf called it "Shanahan's Waterloo", and I don't think he meant K-W. Maybe you should do a deal for Stokley or Welker to complete your Arian Brotherhood receiving core strategy. Matt Schaub, however, looked positively Brady-esque with 35 points.

400 Point Club:

In keeping up the 100+ point per week performance, we have a new member but we net out even as Kevin lost his way this week. Welcome to Devin, and good news all around as we'll be able to save a fortune on embroidery costs as the only change will be from Kevin's "K" to Devin's "D" AND they wear the same size. Devo, please report to Patrick Smith for orientation, re-education, and please remember the following: No slugs in the ending machines. Kevin, please see Patrick for fitting of the veil on shame.

The Jason Madge Memorial "Why Didn't I Start THAT Guy" Fantasy Player of The Week:

Lance Moore - 22 points and on Devo's bench, despite a last minute pick up that showed great foresight (or was it a fantasy tribute to his man-crush on Lance Richter???).

Honourable mentions to Kevin (Chris Johnson, 19.50 points and riding pine), and Madger (Earnest Graham, 17.40 points, and on his way to regular beatings from Pat).

The Asleep At The Switch Department:

I bet you're all thinking, "This is easy pickin's - Mike D.", but actually, this one goes to Lance Richter, who started 2 QBs that were benched by their organizations.

Trade Department:

Speaking of Madge, you get an official WTF from the commissioner's office. You come out like a little bitch and announce to the world that you're ready to trade like a mad man, then you make a league wide address that sounded like a little girl sobbing over a scraped knee. Then, just as I'm sipping my Monday morning coffee and going about league business, I get notification of you working a deal that puts LT and AP on your team. Good luck, but it is a HUGE dice roll. Also, Jeff Alls and Jamie Harris are turning into the new Tim Ashby / Jay Hauser as both are highly addicted to the pre-amble of getting a deal done. It is great to see more people get sucked into the fantasy vortex. There was even a deal involving the surprisingly well performing team managed by the monkey-with-a-hand-grenade-like combination of Eric and Sunny.

Performer of The Week:

Baby Seal Bashers - 114.43 - just squeezing out Harris' senorita-one-weel-to-bridesmaid-the-next performance (112.73). First place, despite the fact that they started a Defense that was on a bye and an injured RB. It looks like the co-manager model can be just as lazy as the solo-manager model.

Senorita Of The Week (That Isn't The Neutered Mike D.):

A close decision this week: Lance Richter, 74.60 points + See Above. And Kevin "how the mighty have fallen" Andrachuk, 75.08 points. To Lance and Kevin, I would expect something like this from Tim. But you guys??? I feel sad.

A Special Section Dedicated To Mike D.:

Welcome to the 200 point club, it only took 4 weeks, and you're its only member. Holy crap your team still sucks. Clearly, all the newlywed sex has led to a mild form of brain damage - here's another tip:

Don't start an RB and Defence when they are on a bye or a QB that the organization decided to bench. One more thing, your beloved Cards have finally shown their true degree of suckitude in their loss to Favre and his Jets/Titans and their confusing throw-back jerseys. Get your sh!t together.

Commissionarily Yours,

Your Commisssioner
Commissioner's Office, Suite 2200
Commissioner's Plaza
400 Commissioner's Blvd.

Fantasy Land